Why do girls always pull back when the guy is interested?

girls do this to me all the time , I meet them and become interested in them , than they pull back and like yeah aren't that interested anymore or just nervous that I was interested in them in the first place .

i don't know how to describe it all but I find this behavior to be rather common in girls .


Most Helpful Girl

  • i think the problem isn't with the girls but with you :S

    I only do that with people I was never interested in, in the first place, and when I realize they ARE interested.

    I think you're either misreading friendliness as interest, or you're meeting a lot of girls who like to flirt and like getting attention but that's as far as it goes. or both.

    i'd say everyone likes getting attention to a certain extent because it's an ego-boost, but I don't ever consciously flirt with guys I am not interested in.

    ok, now that I think about it, perhaps with SOME, but those are the semi-interest ones, and it's only very light flirting. the ones I am 100% not interested in - I never ever flirt with. it's because in order to flirt with someone, I need some sort of attraction, or I can't do it to begin with. I am just normal and friendly with them. and I've found oftentimes, they are the ones that seem to think that talking as friends must mean more than... talking as friends.

    so what exactly is it that makes you think they were interested originally? there is no clear-cut formula as people are different, but in general there are a few telling things that apply to most girls, not all of course.


What Girls Said 27

  • I can tell you that you are doing something to cause this effect. Sounds like you may be getting too involved too fast, smothering or clingy. Before you say, no that is not me, be honest with yourself and really look into how much effort you put into someone and how long had you known them. It can be really scary when you meet someone and they call too much, want to always be around, texting corny messages, etc. Women/Men will run the other direction when someone shows too much interest too fast. Think that may be the problem? If not tell me what you think it is cause all of them are running for a reason.

    • What do you mean by "corny messages"? Do you mean ones that say "omg your so cool, how was your day, etc."? Or do you mean just a random funny text? Because I would occasionally send a funny text every couple days to a girl I was interested in.

    • Well I'm not sure what the problem is exactly in these situations as each is different from the other . but in the most recent one maybe I didn't know her that well and became really interested in her rate away but I don't know as I didn't really do anything much and yet I seemed to have sent her the other way .

    • My advice to you is to move slowly, maybe it's the words you use in describing how you feel about her that can be taken out of context. I am saying that it is something you are doing/saying that is making this happen. Have a heart to heart with one of your close female friends (that you know will tell you the truth) and see what her input may offer. We just want to help you get to the root of the problem so you can find yourself a nice girl to be with. Good Luck!

  • sounds like they care about you and don't want to lead you on. when I find out a friend of mine likes me I tend to pull back, I don't want their feelings to escalate further, and I don't want that awkward moment.

  • that's weird. if I'm interested in him, I'll try to get to know him more. if I'm not interested or I'm busy, I will pull back.

  • If this were me you were talking about, it would be because I might sense you're interested and if you're kind of cute, well, I might take interest too!

    And when I'm interested, I get shy and nervous and don't know what to say. When I'm friendly and just really casual, that's how you can tell I'm not interested... its when I have trouble thinking of what to say and get kind of wide/doe-eyed and scared that you know I am interested. =P

    So it might be that she is interested too but is just scared - that is, if she's a shy girl!

    • I wouldn't describe many of the girls I meet as shy , generally there pretty out going and social girls that I meet and approach . I'm not trying to pick up the library .

    • Show All
    • I agree with you because even if we were out going we still shy girls around who we like and we get really nervous.

    • Oh.no no no


      As far ass being social ^ outgoing, if a girl & I presume guy, really likes someone-no matter how outgoing they risk lose ability 2 speak- in my case it was worse, could not speek clearly nor form thoughts to speak of- I felt like I was 11 & stupid- it actually took me three years to be able talk the guy I am with now

      3 years- he kept getting mad & ignoring me so ihad to reach out of my comfort zone.

      & he having felt rejected refused 2 talk to me.

      It was SO intense & annoying*

  • Maybe they're not interested in you? I do that sometimes, like if a guy likes me and I don't like him I'll be sure to not give out any signs that I like him so he gets the hint. (Wow, that sounded kinda bitchy when I put it like that.)

  • Well sometimes its human nature to want someone that is busy it makes them think hey I want to be involved in this busy persons life !And sometimes when a girl sees a guy is very interested or clingy it can freak them out! So don't always be about the girl and she will call !I called and wanted my boyfriend more when he wasn't so all about me!It sucks but its only human nature and eventually it will pass and you will find a girl that wants the same attention!

  • I have the same issue with guys. I think that they are interested, tell them how I feel and then never hear from them again...

  • A lot of girls are insecure and like to validate their sense of self-worth by flirting or otherwise attracting the attentions of male suitors. Unfortunately for the guys, there's really no interest involved in the actions... it's just some vain attempt to make themselves feel better. My advice would be to cut off relations with the girl or settle for the friendship zone.

    • Actually, in my experience, liking someone and then being turned off is not something insecure people do. But if a guy has to tell himself that to feel better ... whatever you gotta do! Ha ha. I think the nicest thing that someone can do IF THEY DO NOT LIKE YOU, is to get out of your life. How else are we supposed to find out if we like someone if we don't go through these steps of dating and hanging out!!!

      My so-called insecure girlfriends, will usually settle for a guy that is beneath the

  • The answer to this is simple. There is something that you are doing that turns her off.

    I had a crush on a guy for 2 years! He and I finally got together and started dating (for a couple of weeks) ... First of all, most of the dates were dutch! Which I couldn't see myself doing LONG term. MEN PAY FOR DATES!

    Also, he invited me to his place and although it was nice it was cluttered and smelled like dog! It wasn't the greatest part of town ... Then after I pulled back to think about what the FUTURE would be like... I was horrified!

    I asked him if he'd ever want to move and he said "NO!" I just completely pulled away.

    Then he started calling me and telling me that he thought he and I were getting past the getting to know each other point and were heading toward something more. That freaked me out even more. So much so, I found it desperate and creepy.

    Basically, if a girl doesn't see a future with you, for whatever reason, she won't continue to see you!

    You gotta make sure you are not batting out of your league dude.

    • This story reminds me of a girl I meet a couple of summers ago , I think we both had a crush of each other for a while . but things didn't work out and she couldn't see any role for me in her future . the whole thing was really hurtful in the end , to know this girl for 2 years only to get nothing in the end and feel horrible that it didn't work out , everything I ddid just seemed to annoy her more

    • Sorry this comment is not for your answer. You look really very beautiful

  • ok, for me, I have really low self-estem issues, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the first. When a guy starts to show interest in me, I usually get really shy and scared because I'm kind of in shock, esspecially if the guys cute or I like him, and I tend to feel like I'll mess it up or he'll find out I'm really not that great or I was just misunderstood him, and ill look the other way. I don't know if this helps. but I'm sorry.

    you just probably have to be really persistant or find another girl. but I'm suprised so many girls are like this. wow. girls are confusing.

    • That's why I think girls should try to be a little bit more confident......if they are shy they only add further confusion to the issue.

      For example, if I'm interested in someone I would usually try to talk to them and focus only on them, and if all fails I'll just move onto someone else. We don't think if she's 'not that great'...we're only concerned in getting to know her. Whether she's great or not isn't such a big concern...its more whether or not we get on with her?

  • It does depend on the girl. I know that I have trust issues with guys and find it hard to open up to anyone. Actually, even with girls I find it hard to trust someone completely.

    bit it depends on the girl. I feel like a lot of girls tend to over think the situations they are in and feel like everything is a bad choice. It is your job to make her feel like she's making the right choice and making her feel comfortable.

    If she still questions how things will be, move on. She's not worth it, and you will find someone who actually feels good about being with you.

    • Well how would a guy go about doing that?

    • Or she could grow up, take a risk ^ stop waisting everyones time by being a baby- the world does out work that way - why should she expect guys to.

      You know it isn't the WORST thing in the word to get hurt... Character building actually.

  • usually they find that they don't like you as much as they thought. try asking them why they pull back so suddenly and work on whatever it is they don't like

  • Some girls like myself are scared of getting hurt, they pull themselves away! Most of the time it's not because their not interested anymore. They want to see how far you'll go to prove that you are interested in them!

    • But it is hard for a guy to know whether or not that is the case. Eventually we (actually let me speak for myself. so I mean me) get discouraged.

    • ...get discouraged and go elsewhere. Option 1- spend time trying to figure out if she's playing games, if she's shy, if she's afraid

      Option 2- find someone else who gives feedback on what I'm doing lol

    • Lol I know I know ! -

      Find someone that will actually talk to you, so that if you die tomorrow your last memory is being alive, not waiting to see if there is life on earth... Or inside someones head....

  • Alright. The thing is.

    Girls LOVE the wondering part of having a crush. Or being interested. The part where you're unsure. And then if you start to show interest too soon. They have to skip over that whole stage. And sometimes, it just happens wheather or not the girl wants to stop liking the guy or not. I'm sorry that it's happened to you a lot. But, don't give up hope.

    • Guys HATE that part.

    • I agree with BlueGender

    • What part do you hate - that they don't want to rush?

      I don;t like games, but it is nice to take things slow, to take time to wonder what someones like & be careful about wether you like them or not but mostly that sense of hmm who is this person, just don't rush it cayuse you miss out on some really interesting details, I do not think it is like people say- too much info at once loses mystery - it loses detail.

  • I think it depends on the girl. I know some girls like the whole let's flirt and stuff, then pull away because their worried it will get serious or something. Good news, I don't believe a lot of girls are this way.

    For me, it's lack of confidence. I start thinking "what if he doesn't like me?" and " what if I start showing interest back but he wasn't even flirting with me?" Sorry if that was slightly confusing and yes, I am completely aware it's pathetic but I guess it's because I did think this one guy liked me and ended up not. That's the only thing I can think of! I hope I helped a little.

    • I could understand how it's risky for both sides to initiate. I can sometimes be a shy guy and I've never had a serious girlfriend lol. Let me ask you this though, if I see girls looking, how would they act if I started talking and/or trying to flirt with them? But I don't know how well I could approach a complete stranger haha

    • Haah! Well when I look over at a guy that I find attractive, it makes me mad if they don't look back. It's as though I didn't smile enough or maybe the just didn't think the same :-/ Anywaaay, if you notice them looking over at you then smile at them or something! Yea, if a guy just came up to me I might think it's a little weird but then again I think it's all about the persons personality.

  • I'm thinking that you're making the move too fast. I know that for both sexes if you get too mushy fast, it makes you want to run away. However, if you were to make eye contact and pick up on the body language, you may find yourself finding a lot more women interested. DO NOT use some cheesy pick up lines. Some girls it works for, MOST just find it annoying.

    Basically, what you need to get out of what I said is: eye contact is key(not the stalker type of eye contact), If a girl makes a lot of sneaky eye contact with you.. lol and give you a sly smile.. that mean they dig you.

  • haha! I do that all the time. I get nervous mostly. in general I tell myself that the guyll make a move if he is really interested. I think sometimes guys think I'm uninterested but I think you know if a girl likes you

  • ok...if you havn't heared its called chasing its wht your doing...and girls like guys to chase them...so chse them but make sure your not being annoying...lol

    • And that's what annoy me most from girls.

      It is hard to differ between Hard-To-Get style and You-Are-Annoying style.

    • Show All
    • Well, how would you feel if you as a first-timer say, thought you had a chance with a girl you liked, and you got played? Its all cause and effect...guys have feelings too and we do feel hurt when this happens. Sadly, girls never think about this that the person she's hurting might well be the love of her life. Because...he's never had a proper chance to express to her how much he loves her (when she is playing us). That's why we hate it.

    • I hate chasing & I hate being chased...

      Tho I'm a long distance runner so I guess I take care of that tendency is a more healthful creative why rather than experiencing & inflicting emotional pain on everyone I get involved with.

  • Well maybe it's the way you get to them. Not all girls like a guy that's allover them or maybe you just told them too fast. You have to let them get to you first and then you'll know they are really interested in you.

  • let me put it this I have no idea what I want. ever. girls are confusing that way. for me even though it drives me nuts I go for hard to get kind of flirting

    • At least this one is honest

    • This goes for pretty much all girls

    • Ni it doesn't it just sSEEMS like it goes for all girls from the girls who go or it.

      Like people who love pizza can't imagine anyone not loving pizza,.. Some people find it disgusting or unedable or just a health risk.

      Well in Asia cheese is seen as p*ss from an animals mammary glands - which is sometimes how I feel about games - something waistful to a human.

      Just me but you now everyone is different.

  • Well how did you approach them ? That could have something to do with their behavior .

    • Well they haven't all been approached the same way , so its not like every situation is the same . but generally I seem to meet them somewhere , fall for them a bit , then try and make some sort of move either in person or thru the net but they just seem to pull back before anything serious ever happens

  • 1. they're not interested

    2. nervous/confused/anxious...like you

    3. most typical -play hard to get or pretend they don't like you all of the sudden because they felt like they've given too much of their attention to you...and need to balance it out. sudden shifts in attention are classic signs that she's interested.

  • - GIRKLS DO cause they are idiotically made to BELIEVE that GUYS like this.

    - WOMAN DON'T because they have been there done that & KNOW it it is IDIOTIC..

    • That's what happons when women get advice on men from other women and gay guys

    • Seems so..... ^ ^

  • It's because she wasn't very interested in you in the first place. Men need to understand that just because a women smiles at you or even gives you her number, it doesn't mean she is interested in you romantically. Most of the time women are just looking to be friends, and if that's the case, and you are looking for more, that is a good way to turn the woman off. Especially if you start texting or calling her everyday it gets very annoying. I am nice to everybody unless they give me a reason not to be, but it can be a double edge sword because men take that niceness as " OH she likes me like I like her" NO, that's not always true. Maybe you need to try and learn how to recognize upfront, if the girl is just flirting back because you are nice, or if she is really interested in you in more than a frienship kind of way. So it seems like your approach is off, and you are reading the wrong signals. If a girl is really into you, then she will not pull back later, she will become MORE interested in you, not LESS. She is pulling away because "SHE IS JUST NOT THAT IN TO YOU!

    • Its not the guy who's reading the wrong signals, you said it yourself sometimes girls flirt back because you are being nice. why flirt back at all if you are not interested. flirting is suppose to be a sign of interest, in my opinion when a girl does that SHE is the one sending the wrong signals if she is not interested she should not be doing that. it would make life easier for everyone. . so she shouldnt get mad or annnoyed if a guy thinks she's interested

  • Let me pose a question to you...Why do guys always pull back when the girl (me) is interested? I guess it goes both ways...that's all I can really say.

    • Relax.....

    • Well I mean guys do do that- she isn;'t saying anything reduculous. When you give into the game playing your gonna get played that's it.

  • Well Girls like me that are shy and never had the guts to flirt or ask a guy out and sometimes do show interest get nervous and scared how it might turn out no matter if the guy becomes interested.

    • Guys usually make the first move anyways , so there isn't much for the girls to do until the guy approches them . and I do like them so I'm not sure why they'd be scared that I wouldn't like them .

What Guys Said 15

  • You're not alone, trust me! It's difficult to work out why girls; oh sorry, ladies do this. Some do it because they like the attention, its a big ego boost for them, when they know you're interested; its job done, fall back, lets see if I can do it to someone else.

    Some ladies are just naturally flirty, they don't recognise they do it until the guy shows interest back, then it's fall back, lie low and hope it blows over.

    Some ladies enjoy the whole flirting game, it's a fun past time but forget the consequences of their actions, although a lady might like to flirt, she might not be ready for a relationship...at first flirting may seem harmless but in the future when there's a chance to get more then seductive eye contact they realise "I'm not ready for the next step."

    Saying this, some girls don't like the flirting game either, they may even like a guy but afraid that a relationship (if went wrong) would spoil what they already have with the guy, not worth taking the risk.

    Risk is an important factor here, because it may have something to do with you're approach rather then the lady. Are you getting too close too soon? Have you build any trust with the ladies in question? Do you say or show your love to a lady? Whatever the case, you need to do it with minimal risk to them. Ladies have a self defence mechanism which puts McAfee to shame, it's also better to show a lady you love them before you actually tell them, this way not only does it make it easier for you to tell her; by saying what great times you've both had together, it's a why for you to find out how the lady reacts to your show of affection.

    Problems with your approach? Have you told them everything about you in the first few weeks, in which case the lady doesn't need to find out anything herself? No mystery for her, no reason for her to pursue. Moving too fast can be considered being 'desperate', I said this in another post but showing too much love before a relationship is considered creepy, but during a relationship is considered sweet. Think about it, if you hardly knew a lady who you knew was trying her all to get you to like her, first you'd want breathing space to ask yourself what you should do, then you'd want time to get to know her better before you make any decisions.

    All the best in the future.

    • Umm...could this guy stay on topic please? we never asked about a guys approach patterns....but why women pull away! its more common that you believe, you gonna say ALL men are wrong? then go gay!

    • I am staying on topic, one reason why girls pull back is because of a guys approach...how is this not relevant? All men aren't wrong, the motive is right but the way going about it is wrong.

      You see, I'm telling you this because you don't get it. You think you get it, which is not the same as actually getting it. Get it?

  • Oi. Women are rather like us, mate. If you weren't inerested in the girl, wot would you do.

    You;d run the other way. they is simply not inerested. You's got to wait for the woman to come to you, when she smile, then you talk, and leave it at that for a couple of weeks. then little by little you make your move, but if you act like, you want to start shagging by tomorrow, its not going to work init?

  • Because they're playing their stupid games and making their own rules all the time.

  • They pull back for a lot of reasons which makes it seem like its happening all the time. Some do just like the chase, they like to see if they can get a guy interested in them then they move on to the next one. They aren't really interested its just an ego thing. Some actually pull back because they really like you and are scared of being hurt. Its easier for them to date a guy they are only semi interested in as there is no fear of being hurt. Some pull back because you moved too fast and they didn't want anything serious. It takes a long time to really get to know someone! Some pull back because they have personal issues, lost their job, family problems etc they feel like they wouldn't make a good partner so prefer to keep it casual until they sort themselves out. The list goes on..

    • Well for sure each situation is different , that is part of the problem in trying to figure out what went wrong with these girls . as each is different and had different reasons for not wanting to date me .

  • I know what you mean. My only advice would be to not come on too strong and pretend like you don't care that much even if you do. I know from experience that it's extremely hard to do, but it's better than coming on too strong and scaring the girl away.

    When I really like a girl I sometimes try too hard, and it never works. On the other hand, when I only marginally like a girl and barely pay attention to her, they always seem to be all over me. Keep in mind that you can't make a girl like you (a fact that was hard for me to come to terms with). With that being said, just play it cool and let it flow bro. That way if it doesn't work out, you weren't really sweating it anyway. And if it does work out you'll have the upper hand, and the girl won't be able to read you. It really drives then crazy, and that works to your benefit.

    • Pretend like you don't care that much even if you do

      Not good,

      If a womanhas a lot of pride she is not going to sit around hoping you will show interst.

      You will lose her & not nave a chance of getting her back because some people refuse situations that make them feel out of control.

      & liking someone who does not like yo feels pretty abstract & not verry encouraging in general.

      if I think a gyis ont intersted I just move on & I would ont rust him later on, if I was feeling interested at 1st.

    • It actually is good not to show too much interest and not to come on too strong. Not necessarily pretending like you don't care, but not being to eager. I'm sure that you had a guy that turned you off because he came on too strong right? Exactly

      And if a girl likes you she won't wait around for ever, but if she feels like the guy is worth it than she will show interest in the fact that he not all head over heels with her.

  • This has happened to me... ugh! Some of these women are just nutcases. I've had women follow me endlessly and when I finally came around (I'm pretty shy and get nervous around women I like) I get either "I'm in a relationship" or gibberish and a look of shock on their faces. All bogus and annoying!

    These women don't really smile at me either - they stare. I look back they look the other way or down. At first it's cute as you can tell they got a bit of a crush on you but after awhile it gets frustrating.

    You chase a guy around and when he says hello and asks you out on a date you're suddenly in a relationship? Bullsh*t!

    And you wonder why you see really hot girls with guys who aren't so good looking... seems girls like to feel secure with a man they think they can control than worry about a guy they think will get attention from other women.

  • I have no Idea., When you find out let me know. However I have found something that works.

    Though I may like the girl I try to keep my cool. Relax. Don't over think, I believe that is what happens the most and the worst to do, over think. Just go with it.

    There is a threshold where the girl is into you and your into her. But before that, Keep it close. You will know the threshold because she will make the first move of sorts.

    Case and point, the more interested you are in them the less interested they are in you. That is because who really really wants what is thrown at them. But everyone wants what they can't have.

  • nobody knows. scientists maintain that the answer was lost thousands of years ago...

  • cause they want you whipped...so when your on cloud nine together...she can take out that crow bar, knock you out cold and then take your money. example: Reggie Bush and Kim Karfagian

  • It's because they're stupid bitches. It's the harsh reality.

    • This is sadly true. I'm a girl.

    • Well that's a really harsh outlook on the whole thing , I'm not saying I think there stuiped just I find this pattern of behaviour a little annoying

  • Guys always get the bum rap, but to me girls can have extremely cold hearts. I've seen posts on here where girls have said they will date and flirt with a guy and then act appalled if the guys believe she's interested in him. One even stated she was creeped out when a guy she was dating sent her a text explaining his feelings for her. I mean, what? Are guys not allowed to have any feelings? I mean, what are we supposed to do? If the girl was creeped out by the guy, why did she even date him, or get in the car with him in the first place? What hypocrisy and what a silly and cruel game to play with someone. In a relationship, its always about the girls's feelings, and I completely understand that, but girls tend to forget that they are not the only ones in a relationship, dudes are human beings too with emotions and sometimes girls act is if they have no heart or soul at all.

  • it's horrible for sure.'happened' to me too. was on an aviation tour, a girl i met and knew as Ann would act i don't know how.i grabbed her number on the last day back to the city in the bus. 2 days went by.she texted me on a Monday.promised to see her.waited for so long always texting-4 weeks aprxmtely.i joked about a date.1 more call to her. she started going cold n could smell it.i haven't heard from her again.maybe 4 u, u made a mistake, wanted to gauge your interest, seemed too cheap for her or desperado.

  • The same sh*t happened to me not once, but THREE times in high school. And it happened like twice in college. This is f***ed up.

    Now I have trust issues with girls.

  • Yea that happens to me all the time. At first I don't even notice the girl, then I do and the situation does a complete 360.

  • Me too. I even had a girl who didn't respond when I asked her for a second date, then a few days later call up and acted all interested and asked when I wanted to go and when I gave her the day, she'll duck and disappear for a day then call and say she's busy that day. So I'd give her alternative days and she'd duck then reappear and say she's busy. Then make a joke about how it's not meant to be. Then she'd disappear for a while, reappear and ask me if I wanted to do something and the process repeats.