Why do girls always pull back when the guy is interested?

girls do this to me all the time , I meet them and become interested in them , than they pull back and like yeah aren't that interested anymore or just nervous that I was interested in them in the first place .

i don't know how to describe it all but I find this behavior to be rather common in girls .


Most Helpful Girl

  • i think the problem isn't with the girls but with you :S

    I only do that with people I was never interested in, in the first place, and when I realize they ARE interested.

    I think you're either misreading friendliness as interest, or you're meeting a lot of girls who like to flirt and like getting attention but that's as far as it goes. or both.

    i'd say everyone likes getting attention to a certain extent because it's an ego-boost, but I don't ever consciously flirt with guys I am not interested in.

    ok, now that I think about it, perhaps with SOME, but those are the semi-interest ones, and it's only very light flirting. the ones I am 100% not interested in - I never ever flirt with. it's because in order to flirt with someone, I need some sort of attraction, or I can't do it to begin with. I am just normal and friendly with them. and I've found oftentimes, they are the ones that seem to think that talking as friends must mean more than... talking as friends.

    so what exactly is it that makes you think they were interested originally? there is no clear-cut formula as people are different, but in general there are a few telling things that apply to most girls, not all of course.

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What Girls Said 27

  • I can tell you that you are doing something to cause this effect. Sounds like you may be getting too involved too fast, smothering or clingy. Before you say, no that is not me, be honest with yourself and really look into how much effort you put into someone and how long had you known them. It can be really scary when you meet someone and they call too much, want to always be around, texting corny messages, etc. Women/Men will run the other direction when someone shows too much interest too fast. Think that may be the problem? If not tell me what you think it is cause all of them are running for a reason.

    • What do you mean by "corny messages"? Do you mean ones that say "omg your so cool, how was your day, etc."? Or do you mean just a random funny text? Because I would occasionally send a funny text every couple days to a girl I was interested in.

    • Well I'm not sure what the problem is exactly in these situations as each is different from the other . but in the most recent one maybe I didn't know her that well and became really interested in her rate away but I don't know as I didn't really do anything much and yet I seemed to have sent her the other way .

    • My advice to you is to move slowly, maybe it's the words you use in describing how you feel about her that can be taken out of context. I am saying that it is something you are doing/saying that is making this happen. Have a heart to heart with one of your close female friends (that you know will tell you the truth) and see what her input may offer. We just want to help you get to the root of the problem so you can find yourself a nice girl to be with. Good Luck!

  • sounds like they care about you and don't want to lead you on. when I find out a friend of mine likes me I tend to pull back, I don't want their feelings to escalate further, and I don't want that awkward moment.

  • that's weird. if I'm interested in him, I'll try to get to know him more. if I'm not interested or I'm busy, I will pull back.

  • If this were me you were talking about, it would be because I might sense you're interested and if you're kind of cute, well, I might take interest too!

    And when I'm interested, I get shy and nervous and don't know what to say. When I'm friendly and just really casual, that's how you can tell I'm not interested... its when I have trouble thinking of what to say and get kind of wide/doe-eyed and scared that you know I am interested. =P

    So it might be that she is interested too but is just scared - that is, if she's a shy girl!

    • I wouldn't describe many of the girls I meet as shy , generally there pretty out going and social girls that I meet and approach . I'm not trying to pick up the library .

    • Show All
    • I agree with you because even if we were out going we still shy girls around who we like and we get really nervous.

    • Oh.no no no


      As far ass being social ^ outgoing, if a girl & I presume guy, really likes someone-no matter how outgoing they risk lose ability 2 speak- in my case it was worse, could not speek clearly nor form thoughts to speak of- I felt like I was 11 & stupid- it actually took me three years to be able talk the guy I am with now

      3 years- he kept getting mad & ignoring me so ihad to reach out of my comfort zone.

      & he having felt rejected refused 2 talk to me.

      It was SO intense & annoying*

  • Maybe they're not interested in you? I do that sometimes, like if a guy likes me and I don't like him I'll be sure to not give out any signs that I like him so he gets the hint. (Wow, that sounded kinda bitchy when I put it like that.)

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What Guys Said 15

  • You're not alone, trust me! It's difficult to work out why girls; oh sorry, ladies do this. Some do it because they like the attention, its a big ego boost for them, when they know you're interested; its job done, fall back, lets see if I can do it to someone else.

    Some ladies are just naturally flirty, they don't recognise they do it until the guy shows interest back, then it's fall back, lie low and hope it blows over.

    Some ladies enjoy the whole flirting game, it's a fun past time but forget the consequences of their actions, although a lady might like to flirt, she might not be ready for a relationship...at first flirting may seem harmless but in the future when there's a chance to get more then seductive eye contact they realise "I'm not ready for the next step."

    Saying this, some girls don't like the flirting game either, they may even like a guy but afraid that a relationship (if went wrong) would spoil what they already have with the guy, not worth taking the risk.

    Risk is an important factor here, because it may have something to do with you're approach rather then the lady. Are you getting too close too soon? Have you build any trust with the ladies in question? Do you say or show your love to a lady? Whatever the case, you need to do it with minimal risk to them. Ladies have a self defence mechanism which puts McAfee to shame, it's also better to show a lady you love them before you actually tell them, this way not only does it make it easier for you to tell her; by saying what great times you've both had together, it's a why for you to find out how the lady reacts to your show of affection.

    Problems with your approach? Have you told them everything about you in the first few weeks, in which case the lady doesn't need to find out anything herself? No mystery for her, no reason for her to pursue. Moving too fast can be considered being 'desperate', I said this in another post but showing too much love before a relationship is considered creepy, but during a relationship is considered sweet. Think about it, if you hardly knew a lady who you knew was trying her all to get you to like her, first you'd want breathing space to ask yourself what you should do, then you'd want time to get to know her better before you make any decisions.

    All the best in the future.

    • Umm...could this guy stay on topic please? we never asked about a guys approach patterns....but why women pull away! its more common that you believe, you gonna say ALL men are wrong? then go gay!

    • I am staying on topic, one reason why girls pull back is because of a guys approach...how is this not relevant? All men aren't wrong, the motive is right but the way going about it is wrong.

      You see, I'm telling you this because you don't get it. You think you get it, which is not the same as actually getting it. Get it?

  • Oi. Women are rather like us, mate. If you weren't inerested in the girl, wot would you do.

    You;d run the other way. they is simply not inerested. You's got to wait for the woman to come to you, when she smile, then you talk, and leave it at that for a couple of weeks. then little by little you make your move, but if you act like, you want to start shagging by tomorrow, its not going to work init?

  • Because they're playing their stupid games and making their own rules all the time.

  • They pull back for a lot of reasons which makes it seem like its happening all the time. Some do just like the chase, they like to see if they can get a guy interested in them then they move on to the next one. They aren't really interested its just an ego thing. Some actually pull back because they really like you and are scared of being hurt. Its easier for them to date a guy they are only semi interested in as there is no fear of being hurt. Some pull back because you moved too fast and they didn't want anything serious. It takes a long time to really get to know someone! Some pull back because they have personal issues, lost their job, family problems etc they feel like they wouldn't make a good partner so prefer to keep it casual until they sort themselves out. The list goes on..

    • Well for sure each situation is different , that is part of the problem in trying to figure out what went wrong with these girls . as each is different and had different reasons for not wanting to date me .

  • I know what you mean. My only advice would be to not come on too strong and pretend like you don't care that much even if you do. I know from experience that it's extremely hard to do, but it's better than coming on too strong and scaring the girl away.

    When I really like a girl I sometimes try too hard, and it never works. On the other hand, when I only marginally like a girl and barely pay attention to her, they always seem to be all over me. Keep in mind that you can't make a girl like you (a fact that was hard for me to come to terms with). With that being said, just play it cool and let it flow bro. That way if it doesn't work out, you weren't really sweating it anyway. And if it does work out you'll have the upper hand, and the girl won't be able to read you. It really drives then crazy, and that works to your benefit.

    • Pretend like you don't care that much even if you do

      Not good,

      If a womanhas a lot of pride she is not going to sit around hoping you will show interst.

      You will lose her & not nave a chance of getting her back because some people refuse situations that make them feel out of control.

      & liking someone who does not like yo feels pretty abstract & not verry encouraging in general.

      if I think a gyis ont intersted I just move on & I would ont rust him later on, if I was feeling interested at 1st.

    • It actually is good not to show too much interest and not to come on too strong. Not necessarily pretending like you don't care, but not being to eager. I'm sure that you had a guy that turned you off because he came on too strong right? Exactly

      And if a girl likes you she won't wait around for ever, but if she feels like the guy is worth it than she will show interest in the fact that he not all head over heels with her.

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