My date was 2 hours late. Am I wrong for not wanting anything to do with him now?

[Anonymous]

So this guy who I know but not too well, asked me out on a date. At first I wasn't sure but eventually thought I'd give him a chance.

We arranged to go out at 6pm, however I rang him at 6 and he told me he was going to be 'a bit late', when I asked how late he replied he would collect me at 7 as he wanted to go to the gym first so we would have longer on our date. I was absolutely fine with this and told him to go to the gym and that I would ring him at 7:15 (which is what he asked me to do).

I ring him at 7:15 and he doesn't answer, I try again three more times and still no answer. After waiting around until 8 I finally give up and get into pjs because I thought I'd been stood up. He then tries to ring and texts me at 8:15 saying to ring him and that he is on his way.

I didn't reply as I think that if you respect someone you don't leave them waiting around, you'll be just as eager to see them as they are to see you. Am I wrong for this or did I do the right thing?

[alexstorm]

At the gym, it is very probable that you don't have a phone with you. It can be dropped, smashed or otherwise damaged. Then my question is how often in life have you looked at the clock to discover it is, at least, one hour later than you thought? If that has never happend to you, then you must have a built in digital alarm. I often look up and discover it's maybe 4 or even 6 hours later than I thought. So you are saying you only will accept someone who watches the clock so closely that he never is distracted in life to fully participate in whatever he is doing. Only this type of guy is for you. Personally, I wouldn't even want to date someone who is that fanatic about being always on time. With that type of person, good luck trying to have a carefree day off anywhere, let alone a vacation, where they don't drive you crazy with a time table. I would think twice about your priorities. Are you trying to get a guy to conform to your way only. Do you really want someone who you control? Are you really going to be satisfied if the guy always does everything exactly as you want. That sounds sort of boring to me. I would think you would want someone who has their own mind and allow him to say he is sorry for being late. I think rejecting him for this is doing him a favor.

[Asker]

LOL I am not a controlling person at all. If you make plans to meet with someone then surely you keep an eye on the time to ensure you aren't late. It's easy to lose track of time when you have nothing planned yes, but not when you've made plans and know you have to be somewhere. Should you be late then you surely apologise to that person... you don't act like nothing happened. No I'm not controlling, I just know my worth.

[Sara413]

There is nothing controlling about expecting someone to respect your time. He showed zero regard for her and the fact that he'd made plans to hang out with her at a certain time. He was already running later than expected so he shouldn't have even gone to the gym - it's not gonna kill him to miss ONE workout... or he should have planned his time better.

Guy's a grade-A dick bag.

[Dragonblood21]

I wish downvoting would be a thing again.

[Asker]

@Dragonblood21 So do I !

[alexstorm]

I didn't read where he didn't apologize. Your story says you didn't reply. Do you expect only a text apology first? Ha may have wanted to apologize to you in person, perhaps with something extra, like flowers or who knows? If you don't reply to allow him to show up late, then he can easily feel he tried and you dumped him, so his possible in-person apologize won't happen. Of course, I have no way of knowing this, but based on your original story, neither do you.

[Asker]

No he didn't want to apologise in person, he sent me messages after and found it amusing that I wasn't happy. What do you mean 'allow him to show up late' ? He was late ! I won't allow someone to keep me waiting like that. He knew he was going to be late, didn't bother telling me and then tried to pick me up like he hadn't just wasted my time. Says it all... no respect whatsoever.

[alexstorm]

OK you have all the details, but I can't guess them from your story. So you are saying he said he didn't want to apologize in person? That seems a little odd to say that, but possible. It seems he didn't apologize for being late in any text, since you didn't write about that. If he had forgot to call because he messed up the time, that would explain why he didn't text because he thought it was earlier. What I meant about allowing him to show up late in person was just that, you didn't tell him it was OK to come over. I get that. It's reasonable, you had given up and moved on with your evening. By him not being able to stop by is what I meant about he couldn't apologize in person. I think you might be thinking he had no respect when it can also be explained by him forgetting to check his watch and mixing up the time. I can see why he was amused you were upset. You seem to jump to conclusions based on your viewpoint. Sounds like I would done the same thing.

[chrisbigman]

No, you're not wrong. This fool doesn't know a date if it hit him in the head. Being late the first time should be understandable (somewhat). I mean, going to the gym right before a date? Come on! Go to the gym another time! But being late the second part of the night or at least not responding is just wrong. He had a lot of nerve to do what he did. Maybe he was trying to see how flexible you were with him? Girls can only be so flexible. Same with guys. This guy blew it.

[Sara413]

Honestly, he sounds to me like one of those guys who right away tests a girls boundaries and willingness to put up with bullshit so that he can date chicks who will let him walk all over them...

[chrisbigman]

@Sara413 Yeah, that's what I meant about flexibility.

[chrisbigman]

Thanks very much for MHGO. When I said being late the first time should be understandable, I meant that in terms of something that came up (family member in trouble, job issues that are critical, pulled over by the police or in a fender bender, etc).

[dipta]

Let's go on a date at 6 PM! Yay!
No wait, think I cannot miss my session at the gym... you know how you gotta show the girl what your priorities are from date one.
I can just meet here after taking a shower and kill two birds with one stone.

So he thought. And why did you agree with this?
What's the thing about being able to spend more time with you? Don't tell me that he first actually intended on going to the gym AFTER your date?
And you thought that was fine?

Girl, you gotta be smart about this.
If you're looking for a serious relationship, keep on looking.

[Asker]

I guess I didn't mind because 6-8 would've been long enough on the date before he went to the gym

[FrostyFlame]

Ugh, please don't waste any more time on him. I can't stand someone who plays with other people's time. It's extremely inconsiderate and generally an indicator of things to come. If seeing you was a priority, he wouldn't have had you waiting around. I've been there. It's a crappy feeling. On to the next one!

[Cmasterson]

No you're right, if you set up a date that person should put it in priority-- I don't understand how people do not have the respect to tell someone they're gong to be late and if you're running late make sure it's at least ONTIME or earlier than the late time.

[Mesonfielde]

I mean he said it'd be 6.

Then even when he's already late, he GOES OFF TO THE GYM.

WTF.

[BertMacklinFBI]

wow this is some guy lol.

"hey can we postpone our date? I wanna lift first. why i didn't prioritize my schedule more efficiently ahead of time is beyond me, but this is the predicament we're in so... I'll pick you up later"

[AdamThomas]

Ordinarily I'd say yes you're right to not want anything to do with him, however you should hear him out as this might have happened:

memecrunch.com/.../image.jpg?w=1024&c=1

[QbanLove]

I dont know why he couldnt have just set a later time and apologized or at least said he's running late. I would be upset to, its my huge pet peeve, like dont tell me one thing when its going to be another... you know?

I mean its forgivable but its up to you if you want to try to plan things with him again.

[lumos]

Yeah, you did the right thing. I would have given him the benefit of the doubt if he had been studying or working for example. But just hitting the gym? Like really, couldn't that wait a day? Or couldn't you have planned your schedule a bit better? I would have done the same honestly.

[thewanderingme]

why did you wait so long? I can understand an hour, if getting stuck in traffic, or having to help a family member or friend out, but 2 damn hours! no, I would have left

[Asker]

I honesty didn't mind waiting until 7 because he does go to the gym everyday and I thought his reason for us having more time on the date was a good one. The part that annoyed me was when I rang him at 7:15 got no answer and was left waiting around wondering if I'd been stood up or if maybe he was stuck if traffic or something.

[GingerGuy]

I think you did the right thing. Your date wasn't a priority to him obviously.

[Blonde401]

What an ass! You did the right thing. Nobody deserves to be treated like this and to wait around for someone. Sack him, he doesn't deserve another chance.

[hellionthesage]

You seem to have had a perfectly valid reason for what you did. I think he should have been more invested in the situation, you gave him ample leeway and he blew it so no, I think your response is more then reasonable.

[Jaz1295]

Personally after him not showing up at 6 when we agreed or him not contacting me in advanced to say he were late I would have just made other plans. Like movies at home. The gym isn't a valid excuse for being late. I'd say you made the right choice.

[stardust101]

You did the right thing and it wasn't right of him not to call you at least saying he was running late the second time. He was late twice in one night, sounds flaky.

[RealMermaid]

I think you're right to ditch him! It's so rude and disrespectful to disregard plans like that. He clearly doesn't respect your time! I'd have ignored him too.

[reptocarl]

You did right. He couldn't even not do the gym for a day

[Cerenityy]

HE HAD TO LIFT FIRST LMFAOOOO im so done. I can't.

[MJas16]

You weren't wrong. You guys had a time that you both planned. It would have been different if it was a different reason not the gym. Don't feel bad. Guys like that are not worth it

[Sara413]

No, you're right. If he'd keep you waiting like that on a first date he's not worth your time. Sounds like a dick head.

[Cosytoasty]

You should have told him to meet you at the place and just left him hanging.

What a moron.

[Anonymous]

I thought it would be a life or death emergency why he was late... but he was just going to the gym. Fck that guy! (as in don't fck him, just don't contact him anymore :) )

[frozenhorizon]

Why would he even go to the gym at the same time he already planned to do something with you? Sounds awful haha.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing. That is very disrespectful and he's basically telling you that your on HIS time. He's flaky as hell. You dodged a bullet on this one.