Why do guys run away as soon as things get serious?

[Anonymous]

Say you're taking a girl out on dates, introduced her to your friends, and yes, sleeping together but you're not "official" - but as soon as she refers to you as her boyfriend, you stop calling her - why?!

that pretty much happened to me, I was with this guy for a few weeks and we'd talk every day and hang out like 2 or 3 times a week, and he was really sweet and would tell me how I'm special, etc, but as soon as I referred to him as "my guy" (I didn't even say boyfriend) I stopped hearing from him, and he gave me this excuse about being busy "trying to get his life back together" (he had a bad breakup a few months ago), so he wanted to "take things slow" - wtf? my only guess is that he wasn't ready for another relationship so he bailed...

but I mean if things are getting too serious for you, why not just back off a little, why do guys have to end things altogether and run away?!

and more importantly - how do I get him back? should we just start hanging out again without the pressure of acting like bf/gf?

[Anonymous]

Dont pressure a guy about relationship status, its like a controling thing girls do, it scares guys off, Relationships are dynamic feelings have to grow and develop you can just hit someone up on the first date so are we are couple now.

If he is out of a relationship he might be using you to get over the ex, rebound relationship or he could be using you to make her jealous and try and get back with her.. Is he really over her...,

If a guy really likes you he will stay with you and talk about the relationship status, if its to soon it puts pressure on him when he hasn't adjusted or gotten comfortable with his feelings, mental attraction takes time, need to spend a lot of time communicating and building up trust, intimacy

Or he could just be using you for sex...

[Asker]

He's not trying to get back with her, I know that. I'm pretty sure it's what you said about me putting too much pressure on him - but how I do I reverse that? if I scared him off, how do I get him back?

[Opinion Owner]

Dont chase him it will make it worse, give him time to think, if he is really into you he will contact you, take it from their, if you do decide to contact him limit the no of contacts, and try and be fun and happy let him want to be with you, not sad, grummpy, and demanding answers about the relationship status etc..

[Asker]

Thanks but one more thing - how do I make him remember what attracted him to me in the first place? he thought I was "awesome, fun and sexy" etc... do guys just forget that?

[gotc147]

You can tell by him not asking you to be his girlfriend, if he does all the things to keep you interested but won't ask you to be exclusive with him after 2 or 3 weeks he just wants you for sex.

Another dead giveaway is the having sex, he has sex with you before he calls you his girlfriend? The whole "SOMETHING"S UP" alarm should start going off.

[Asker]

So you're saying that even in college, you should wait to have sex? there are no instances where dating AND hooking up at the same time can turn into a relationship?

[ICallItAsISeeIt]

Where the f*** did you come from question asker? a freaking cave??

[Asker]

I don't know maybe I'm just trying to be optimistic here...

[gotc147]

You don't have to wait a long time, but at least make yourselves officially boyfriend and girlfriend before you have sex if you want to be in a relationship with this person.

Hooking up isn't a good way to find a relationship, for either gender.

[Anonymous]

you know what, you gave too much of yourself too soon and got nothing in return

if he doesn't want a relationship you shouldnt give him all the benefits of being in a relationship.

why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

it sounds like he never had any intentions on being with you in a commitment.

[computergeek762]

he only wants you for sex and he has no intention of having a serious relationship

[ICallItAsISeeIt]

It's a m a z I and g how girls have absolutely no clue about these things and get themselves into stupid things like this, zero clue, amazing.

[computergeek762]

Hahaha I agree

[Dan2287]

Exactly. And then legit guys are usually left single

[Asker]

Ok but to be fair, how was I supposed to know? I mean how would girls know the difference between a "legit guy" and one who's only using them? he took me out on dates, cuddled with me, texted me, all that stuff. where are the signs I missed?

[computergeek762]

Sometimes guys are good at hiding there true intentions that's y you need a guy that feels like I do which is that there are FAR more important things than sex

[Anonymous]

Physical attraction only gets him interested, your personality and mental attraction keeps him around long term. You can try and use sex to get a guy to bond with you, some guys are players and it won't work on them...

[ICallItAsISeeIt]

because he's just using you for sex moron, he doesn't care/love you.