Me and my wife have been together for 6 years (married for 4) and we have a 3 year old daughter. When we first met she had no tattoos on her body and the topic of tattoos didn't even surface for the first 4-5 years of our relationship until she turned 26. She showed no previous indication that she ever wanted one, yet around 18 months ago, she just randomly sat me down and said that she wanted to get a particular tattoo on her lower back. She was hellbent on getting it, and although I'm not a big fan of tattoos (I'm not keen on them on women, and I wouldn't get one myself)... but I decided to be fair and said if it's truly what she wants and if it will make her happy, then she should get it. She did, and our relationship just carried on normally for the next few weeks. No biggie. This is what the tattoo looked like... Now fast forward to now, and within the space of the past 12-18 months, she has got 5 more tattoos in various places, including her leg, hand, arm, neck & back, bringing the total up to 6. Every single one of the recent tattoos, she has got done behind my back, without consulting me, and surprising me with them basically. Sometimes she has managed to keep them hidden up for a few days before I have even realised, such as the ones on her foot and neck. Now, I have a SERIOUS problem with the tattoo on her back as it is very big and it is of a skull. Her tattoo looks almost identical to the pic below, except her one doesn't have the flowers, but it does have a few more skulls... anyway I don't like it, in fact I find it creepy.
I feel like I want to break up with her and be with a girl that doesn't have all these tattoos. I really don't like her tattoos and she knows that, but she says it's her body. In fact if it wasn't for our daughter that we have together, I would have broken up with her already. I know she will get more in the near future so I am thinking about leaving her. Do I have a point, or am I being selfish? I don't know what to do.
Wife had no tattoos for first 5 years we were together, then suddenly started getting lots of tats. Is that justification to leave/divorce her?
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Being as you are married, your wife does have a moral obligation to discuss with you, and to come to an agreement, on something that would so drastically, and permanently, change her appearance. This is not just a tattoo. It's numerous tattoos, that so change her appearance, that one might not even recognize her from the back. And the chosen tattoos are of a nature, that a reasonable person could say they seriously detract from her appearance. She has done this unilaterally, and in essence, said she doesn't care if you find her attractive or not. This is not just a hair do gone awry, but a major, and basic alteration of how she looks. However, the tattoos are done. I feel much like you do in two respects. I'd leave her if it weren't for your daughter, and I'd hesitate to leave, because of your daughter. You need to take some time, and find within yourself, whether or not, for your daughter's sake, you can stay in the marriage. Take some time in this decision, as it will affect your family every forward, whatever you decide. One possibility, is to live with your wife, as brother and sister. Another is to just plain leave, and a third, try to make a go of the marriage. Only you know if you can manage emotionally to stay with your wife. Only you know what the decision must be. Again, make it carefully.
Sure. That's what they call a bait and switch. If you hate the way tattoos look on people and she's getting them anyway than maybe you two don't have as much in common as you thought.
Too bad she didn't do this before marriage instead of waiting until after marriage to start radically altering the way God made her.
Sure, I could totally see myself leaving. I hate tattoos thought and I'd be pissed someone who knew I hated the way tattoos look chose to marry me and deceive me in that they weren't into them and then pulled a bait and switch.
That's me though, I literally loathe the way tattoos look on women and will never understand why they ruin and F-up that gorgeous, beautiful skin they had. It would anger me she would have screwed it up with something permanent... something that is forever rather than something that is temporary.
okay so my opinion is split. 80% I really don't think this is grounds to break up with someone because it IS her body and she should be able to decorate herself however she wants; regardless of whether you have 'consented'. the comment about how she didn't ask you irritated me because I don't think anyone should have to ask - I think maybe saying "do you think it would suit me" etc. is normal but she shouldn't have to ask. her body should be defined by herself just as much as your body should be defined by YOU. tattooed people never care if you aren't tattooed. why do untattoed people care so much? 20% even though I think you should love someone for who they are and not be bothered about how they choose to decorate themselves, I can understand that if they're unattractive to you, the woman herself will lose attraction. People like to say that it's all about personality but yes, appearance does matter. sexual attraction is important in a relationship and if you no longer feel attracted to her because of tattoos then it's possibly understandable
I think it is important to be fair handed with responses here. I wonder if you would have this exact same response if your man came home one day with a permanent tattoo of a dick on his forehead. I mean, according to you, it IS his body and he doesn't have to ask and you wouldn't have a problem with it, right?
A tattooed person doesn't care if you're tattooed because there's nothing to care about if you aren't tattoo'ed. A tattoo by it's very nature is a very significant thing to do. It completely detracts from the body's natural beauty. I personally find that back tattoo in the picture above horrendous. I certainly couldn't be intimate with her after that.
Break it off over a tattoo you'd hate to see my bf!! Or me lol. Look you're not in love with her you're in love with her body obviously and now you're not anymore and guess what ages changes you too. And it does horrible for men you still have hair but will she leave if you decide to go bold choice or no choice your looks will change too do her a favor and divorce her so she can find a man who will let her express herself in the way she wants even if its body art. She deserves love not lust.
Are you married? You keep using the term "I would've broken up with her" Either way, she's not very respectful making decisions ikr that without discussing wth you. It seems like she's got somethings other than just tats going on in her life. I'd strongly suggest marriage counseling. she's def not being fair to the relationship.
If you haven't spoken to her about them before she got them, it's kinda your fault for not communicating. However, if you did communicate your distatse for tattoos, and she went and got them anyway, it does show a lack of interest on her part in maintaining your relationship. If you aren't happy being with her, talk to her about it, and decide to either find a fix, or break it off. It'll probably be an uncomfortable conversation, but if you want to avoid being selfish, then you have to talk to her before you make the decision to just call it quits.
With all due respect, it is her body, she is the one enduring the pain of getting these tattoos. It does not affect you in any way. I think you should be more supportive of her, it is her body and her choice. You should be able to love her regardless.
At first I was thinking you must be crazy. But after reading your story I think it's really fucked up that she's hiding tattoos from you, spending money, and making herself less attractive to you seemingly on purpose. I think she's fucking up really bad right now. Sure it's her body, and she can do what she wants with it, including be single.
wow usally it's the other way around gets a whole bunch of before having a child. I know getting tattoos can be addictive. But here is the thing. You are starting to not respect her decisions. which is fine your allowed too. Sounds like there is a bunch of other things that are happining. I had an ex that got a tattoo like that and we're not together now so that might be the answer your looking for. don't care what she looks like but that is manly tattoo
People shouldn't drastically change their looks like that when in a relationship without their SO's approval. Yes it is a good enough reason to leave if it badly affects your attraction to her. I'd suggest getting all of your finances, property rights, etc. in order/under someone else's name that you can trust and setting up your employment pay, etc. to a new account with just your name on it before mentioning to her you want to leave or she will ruin you.
Lol come on dude they are tattoo. It's not important. My boyfriend got tattoo and also pierced without "me knowing " as u say. Why should I care? It's just a little ink or metal.
That's justification for counseling or leaving her. Not because of the tattoos themselves, but just she's indicated to you that your opinion doesn't matter to her and in a marriage, it should.
I mean I think you're being ridiculous cause it is her body but leave if you want to.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
If that's the only thing about her that bothers you then I reckon it's unfair to leave her just because of that. If she loves you then it might be better to have her with the tattoos than not have her at all.
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