Why can't I trust my girlfriend? Please help.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 10 months. Allow me to preface this by saying that I am 27 years old and have had 3 serious relationships in the past 10 years, 2 of which I was cheated on. I was also cheated on in my first serious relationship when I was 14. I have never been unfaithful to anyone, and I take cheating very seriously. I actually find the idea of monogamy very sexy...and my biggest fear is being a victim of infidelity, losing the one I love.

I've always had a problem trusting my girlfriends in the past, but for the first time in my life, I really trusted this one because she always wanted to spend time with me, she was always complimenting me, and we made love every single day. Even if she wasn't really in the "mood", she would do it anyway because I could get her there pretty easily. She made me feel very good about myself.

Now, everything has changed. She keeps turning me down when I want to make love, she doesn't ever seem to be excited to see me, and she wants more time alone. I'm a fairly attractive guy, but I keep worrying that she's interested in someone else. She's very pretty and has lots of friends, and it worries me all the time.

As for making love less often, she says that I don't let her "miss it", and she wants to miss it, apparently. We still do it 2-3 times a week, but what concerns me is that it just suddenly dropped. I'm always asking her questions about what she's doing, and it's starting to p*ss her off. If she really is being faithful, then I can understand why. I really want to trust this woman because I love her with all my heart, but every time she's not around me, I think she's doing something she shouldn't be doing. She's never given me a reason to not trust her; it's just that she wants more time alone now and doesn't seem to be attracted to me as much anymore.

She has an 8 year old son and she lives in the same apartment building as I do. We actually work at the same place too, but on different sides of the building. You'd think this would deter me from these thoughts, but it doesn't. I'm constantly thinking up ways that she could possibly be getting away with it.

What the hell is wrong with me? She trusts me and tells me "I KNOW you will never cheat on me" and says that quality is hard to find in a guy, but I don't understand how anyone can "know". Is there anything I can do to trust her again? I don't think she would cheat on me, but I still don't trust her, and I still think about it all the time.

I also want to add that when I ask her why she seems so disinterested in me lately, she says that she just gets "comfortable" in relationships after a while, and doesn't stress out about not seeing her boyfriend as much. I'm not like that though...
I forgot to add that she deletes all of her texts and e-mails on her phone pretty much daily. I asked her why she does that and she said she doesn't know, she just likes it like that. Seems odd to me.


Most Helpful Girl

  • OK.. First things first, you have to understand that what happened to you in the past is in the past. And it was with different people and different situations. You can not go into a relationship with doubts! You have to trust the person or it will not work! There are a few things that I read from your info that is a red flag with this relationship.. Meaning, you have to change things if you want the relationship to work. 1st: Don't start questioning her all of the time and checking up on her often, she will know you are and this will push her away, who wants to be babysat of told what to do, It makes you feel like a child again with your parents always checking up on you. Not good. 2nd: You spend too much time together. The beginning of a relationship is always exciting and couples can't get enough of each other in the beginning. It's completely normal to start feeling like you want some more space. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you or want to be with you, it just means she wants to have her life back to being more normal as it was before, but with you added into it. And honestly, who wants to have to change their whole life to for a relationship, no one should, though you will have to make compromises and maybe change a few things, hanging out with her friends and spending some time by herself is a good thing. She needs that time for herself. Plus, when you have time away from the one you love it will only help you to realize how great they are to you and how much you want them in your life and don't want to lose them. If she truly cares about you, she will only really see how much she cares if she has some time away! Another thing, you live by each other and work by each other, she probably feels like she's always go eyes on her back, make a point to not be home when she is sometimes, or at least when you know she will be coming home. So she won't think he's looking out of his window watching me..

    The next advice, you should listen to carefully.. Think about this, You wake up and stub your toe, then you are running late, get toothpaste on your white shirt, don't have time to change, get in the car and get stuck in traffic, get to work 20 minutes late, your boss calls you in to get coached on being late, your girlfriend calls to cancel dinner... Everyone has had a day like this before, but what people don't realize is we set the day to be like this.. YEa, I didn't ask to get my toe stubbed, but you allow it to put yourself in a bad mood.. and the attitude you have will always affect the way things happen. Same as your relationships, you now go into them worried, and assuming things will go wrong, you can't think this way, or it will always happen.. You must let go of what has happened and what you think could happen and just think about only positive things, think about what you really want and dwell on it instead of the possible bad things.. Watch "The Secret", I think it would help you if you gave it a shot.. It's a documentary. Good Luck