I'm confused if he was or not.
I couldn't really talk to him about anything that upset me even if it was small. He would get distressed if I did, literally would sulk and cry. I'd have to cheer him up and say sorry.
When I was really distressed because he gave me the silent treatment like I literally couldn't think sleep or eat he told me it was so bad for him and that I should think about him. He split up with me because I told him how bad he made me feel. He didn't want me to bring up any issues he just wanted us to be happy together but I felt like I couldn't say anything to him without him flying off the handle or ignoring me.
But I was overly critical of him, so does that mean I was doing it back? The thing is I'd ask him to do something and he'd tell me he'd do it and then would take months. He'd tell me I was never happy with him.
He'd often be... evasive about things if not outright lying. Like he lied about loans he'd had. He has memory problems due to the health condition he doesn't take care of properly. So I thought it was down to his brain damage but he can speak clearly most times. He often denied things had happened even though I knew they had and convince me otherwise.
He hurt me by pushing my head down cos he thought I was cheating at a game. Does this count as physical abuse? Cos he didn't beat me. He's physically restrained me when I was upset. He's crushed my hands and stuff while trying to be playful but then immediately been like oh I hope you don't think im hurting you ill be upset if you think that.
I commented that he shouldn't be eating something cos of his medical condition and he reacted by throwing it on the floor, getting out of bed and stomping down on it really hard repeatedly, storming out the room and barricading himself in the bathroom. I felt embarrassed like it was my fault I upset him because my boyfriend was crying and wouldn't speak to me. His dad tried to counsel it between us by saying I shouldn't be so critical.
Most Helpful Guy
Yes, I see mixtures of some ok and some really bad. He was not healthy emotionally. You also noted being critical of him... was that you or in response to him... you need to sort that out.
My biggest concern is you were attracted to him... that is your #1 problem. Thus, march right into a counselors office and sort out what is going on within you and if anything is screwed up. The fact you can't see he was abusive also says you need an external opinion and support until you are healthy again. To be fair, lots of us have these issues... its hard to see from the "armchair quarterback" viewpoint when you are on the field in battle and confrontation. So it isn't that you are bad, but that you do need some help to see what happened, correct anything inside you so you don't repeat this performance.
It doesn't sound like he could handle the emotion related to his illness, so he'd react poorly. As well, he couldn't handle negativity or possibly even intimacy. Basically, you took on a big wounded birdie.
I hope you get healthier so you don't select another wounded bird.
The flip side is that women can be very critical... makes me think you may be controlling. Women gotta watch that. As well, a lot of times you have to learn to ask more than once... guys do need some repetition in requests sometimes if something is different than what they are used to.
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Most Helpful Girl
This definitely sounds like abuse. He would get upset when you would try to talk about problems in the relationship, and then also try to twist you into thinking that things that had happened, didn't (this is called Gaslighting btw).
Abusers typically do these sorts of things to manipulate people in staying with them. If a person is unsure what is happening, or if the abuser tells them sorry, the person being abused feels bad.
Often times an abuser will use things like an addiction, trauma in their life, or some other event happening or problem going on in their life as an excuse for their behaviour and abuse.
I was in an abusive relationship and my boyfriend at the time would say that he was stressed from work, and that he was just upset and stressed from work. That when he would yell at me, throw things or threaten me with violence, it was because of work stress.
If I was sick, he would say he was sick and then get mad when I wouldn't wait on him hand and foot. It was a really bad situation.
He would tell me terrible things and make me feel like crap.
Don't put up with this anymore. Get out for your own safety!0