I'm confused if he was or not.
I couldn't really talk to him about anything that upset me even if it was small. He would get distressed if I did, literally would sulk and cry. I'd have to cheer him up and say sorry.
When I was really distressed because he gave me the silent treatment like I literally couldn't think sleep or eat he told me it was so bad for him and that I should think about him. He split up with me because I told him how bad he made me feel. He didn't want me to bring up any issues he just wanted us to be happy together but I felt like I couldn't say anything to him without him flying off the handle or ignoring me.
But I was overly critical of him, so does that mean I was doing it back? The thing is I'd ask him to do something and he'd tell me he'd do it and then would take months. He'd tell me I was never happy with him.
He'd often be... evasive about things if not outright lying. Like he lied about loans he'd had. He has memory problems due to the health condition he doesn't take care of properly. So I thought it was down to his brain damage but he can speak clearly most times. He often denied things had happened even though I knew they had and convince me otherwise.
He hurt me by pushing my head down cos he thought I was cheating at a game. Does this count as physical abuse? Cos he didn't beat me. He's physically restrained me when I was upset. He's crushed my hands and stuff while trying to be playful but then immediately been like oh I hope you don't think im hurting you ill be upset if you think that.
I commented that he shouldn't be eating something cos of his medical condition and he reacted by throwing it on the floor, getting out of bed and stomping down on it really hard repeatedly, storming out the room and barricading himself in the bathroom. I felt embarrassed like it was my fault I upset him because my boyfriend was crying and wouldn't speak to me. His dad tried to counsel it between us by saying I shouldn't be so critical.
Was my exbf really emotionally and physically abusive to me?
I'm confused if he was or not.
What Guys Said 13
Yes, I see mixtures of some ok and some really bad. He was not healthy emotionally. You also noted being critical of him... was that you or in response to him... you need to sort that out.
My biggest concern is you were attracted to him... that is your #1 problem. Thus, march right into a counselors office and sort out what is going on within you and if anything is screwed up. The fact you can't see he was abusive also says you need an external opinion and support until you are healthy again. To be fair, lots of us have these issues... its hard to see from the "armchair quarterback" viewpoint when you are on the field in battle and confrontation. So it isn't that you are bad, but that you do need some help to see what happened, correct anything inside you so you don't repeat this performance.
It doesn't sound like he could handle the emotion related to his illness, so he'd react poorly. As well, he couldn't handle negativity or possibly even intimacy. Basically, you took on a big wounded birdie.
I hope you get healthier so you don't select another wounded bird.
The flip side is that women can be very critical... makes me think you may be controlling. Women gotta watch that. As well, a lot of times you have to learn to ask more than once... guys do need some repetition in requests sometimes if something is different than what they are used to.
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sounds like some amounts of physical abuse and emotional manipulation if not abuse... regardless sounds like it's great that he's your ex0
I don't really see any 'physical abuse'. A lot of people might claim physical abuse in this circumstance but I'm sure they have never witnessed a real beating in a domestic situation.
He emotionally unstable and it's clearly evident. You are also enabling a lot of this behavior. You guys are both toxic for each other. You have to end it or it's going to get worse. You aren't happy nor is he. You guys think you make each other happy but it's obviously doing more harm than good.1
It definitely sounds like abuse at least to some extent. That aside, being able to talk and vent issues in your relationship to your partner is beyond important. Good thing you broke up with him. That relationship was extremely toxic. Well hope that helped haha0
You and he had really stormy chemistry. I don't think either of you was abusive but I don't see how you could be long term partners. You must be relieved that he's now your ex.0
All I can say is most people don't care to babysit another adult. Sounds like it's a REALLY good thing he's an 'ex'.0
1. if he wasn't you wouldn't open a thread on first place, which additionally includes a wall of text
2, he's hot badboy, so who cares?0
My eyes are bleeding, is that a novel?0
Yeah, that's definitely abuse. Stay far away from him and cut all ties. If the situation escalates, then contact the authorities.0
What Girls Said 19
This definitely sounds like abuse. He would get upset when you would try to talk about problems in the relationship, and then also try to twist you into thinking that things that had happened, didn't (this is called Gaslighting btw).
Abusers typically do these sorts of things to manipulate people in staying with them. If a person is unsure what is happening, or if the abuser tells them sorry, the person being abused feels bad.
Often times an abuser will use things like an addiction, trauma in their life, or some other event happening or problem going on in their life as an excuse for their behaviour and abuse.
I was in an abusive relationship and my boyfriend at the time would say that he was stressed from work, and that he was just upset and stressed from work. That when he would yell at me, throw things or threaten me with violence, it was because of work stress.
If I was sick, he would say he was sick and then get mad when I wouldn't wait on him hand and foot. It was a really bad situation.
He would tell me terrible things and make me feel like crap.
Don't put up with this anymore. Get out for your own safety!0
His father is only siding with him because he is his father, and is blaming you on the situation. This isn't a healthy relationship. If he touched you and forced you into a comfortable position that hurts you, then it is physical abuse even if he isn't hitting you. He also emotionally hurts you as well, with the silent treatment even categorized as emotional abuse. I would tell you to get some help. He may hurt you even more than forcing your head down. He may even hit you and apologize that he didn't mean it, but won't change because you will forgive him. I'm not saying he will, but it is possible. You need someone to help you in this relationship. If you want to be with him still, your going to need someone to confront him. His father isn't helping you and is blaming you, so going to his mother won't help. I think you should find a professional to help you out with this, to give you advice, as I'd tell you to leave, but that may become complicated and even dangerous to you with his actions. If he keeps doing this, you need to contact law enforcement if he proceeds to hurt you. As much as you love him and say it is your fault, don't fall for it. You'll only make him keep doing this and keep hurting you. I must tell you that you are strong, knowing and asking for an explanation to this situation your in. Most people will think this will get better, but from what I can get from you, he isn't changing or even thinking about how you feel. A loving relationship isn't onsided and the person you love doesn't abuse you in any way. Your in a toxic relationship with you feeling guilty and people going against you. But this is not your fault. You did what you could and still love him even when he hurts you. You are very strong, and I am proud that you know you need help and aren't hiding your pain. But please, get some help before its too late. Soon, you'll emotionally break, no one can keep handling this torture he gives you. Find an professional and get help. Listen to their advice. Advice can only go so far if the person doesn't follow through with it. As much as I would love to help you through, you need to do something. You shouldn't allow yourself to be in such a relationship. It will hurt, yes, but from what I can get from you, you are very, very strong. You can do it, as you stayed and tried to make this relationship work. So now, use your strength to help yourself. I hope this helps you and your situation gets better. Also, get your family to help you.0
I don't see real physical abuse. What kind of medical condition does he have? If he has brain damage it could be anything and also give an excuse for his behaviour. (I actually study neuroscience so I'm very curious)
Overall it sounds like he was very insecure and afraid you weren't happy about the relationship. Some people can't handle criticism and it sounds like every negative thought you had about the relationship came down at him as criticism.
Maybe he didn't always have bad intentions, but it sounds like the relationship wasn't great. Find someone else.0
If you didn't think it was abuse, it wouldn't bother you... It sounds like he and his fam did try to make you feel like you were crazy though. It's simple. Like that last paragraph, you got nothing out of that situation. He's the one who had a breakdown, and got to vent all of that emotion, not you. He got something out of acting like a toddler, so how could you be the crazy one?0
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As far as physical abuse, I don't think he was abusive, yet. He probably doesn't understand boundaries. He does seem very on edge that physical abuse would be likely in the long run, if you'd stayed with him.
He is mentally and emotionally abusive. He shows signs of being very manipulating and he guilt trips you a lot. These attributes are very unhealthy for any relationship. You should be able to talk about your feelings in any relationship and not feel bad for it or scared to bring any issue to the table.
We learn these habits from our childhood, his family or parents may react the way he does. If he's not willing to grow, and change; healthier communication, hearing you out, its best to stay away. You've done nothing wrong.
Stay safe hun:)0
Emotionally abusive. Yes.
He was dangerous. it is good that you broke up with him0
It definitely sounds like abuse, get out now before it gets worse0
you sound hypersensitive and semi-coockoo.0
I'm really asked that you asked this question because unfortunately I'm married to someone who waited 4 years to show me this side of him and I've constantly questioned myself as to if it's verbal abuse and this just helped with my decision.
Thank you! Especially to the men who openly answered this question.0
He sounds kinda autistic. Probably some kind of mental disorder maybe aspergers? Even then he shouldn't be doing that to you.0
He definitely has issues him. He can't control his anger and emotions. Even if you were critical of him that doesn't warrant being emotionally and physically by him. It's a toxic relationship. His abuse will get worse if you don't get out of0
I say it's more emotional then physical. Abusers always make the person being abused feel like they did something wrong. It's a type of manipulation people like that do. The moment you mention their faults or them doing something bad they find a way to revert to you and make you feel bad. Leave him alone. Know that if it's genuine you wouldn't feel the way you do know.0
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