Do guys get heartaches at breakups too?

[Anonymous]

Because it seems to me like they just seem to pick themselves up, dust themselves off and move along. Most of the questions about break ups on here are from girls.

If you had mutual break-up would you get upset? If you did the dumping but had a great relationship for a while would you care? Are guys not able to sleep/eat/function properly after a breakup or is it just girls? Do they get affected by it or do they not care?

If you don't care, how do you manage it? I've just had my first break-up and while I knew it wasn't amazing if I'm being honest I probably wasn't ready to let go, even though it was mostly me that did the dumping, after he had said we needed to talk. How do I get over this? At the moment I'm wishing I had never met him so I wouldn't be feeling miserable for no real reason.

So guys: do you feel this? Or do you not? If not why? How can I also not feel this?

[toulouse]

:)

>> I am not a guy, but this is a subject interests me.

& I saw it manifest clearly in a friendship I had with this guy, who liked me - & yes liked him, but he could not handle that he liked me or something & kept blaming me for, & projecting all, of his emotions onto me...

I assumed because I am female so I am of course supposed to be pining after someone -why not him I guess was the theory lol

...it was like speaking a forgeign language ( foreign for me) to someone who had no ears...

but just with the emotional stuff, every thing else he/we talked about, was rational ,m thoughtful & often times, insightful... So I was not sure what was going on, I mean HE was not crazy, so I was staring to feel crazy & it annoyed me so much I looked into it.

well, that & I am an actor so affect is a very important & fascinating subject to me :)

"Because it seems to me like they just seem to pick themselves up, dust themselves off and move along"

>> Actually that is thought by experts to be VERYT UNHEALTHY

the immediate switch from person to person & never allowing themselves to heal is very damaging emotionally & spiritually

it is thought that they do this because society does not encourage or condone men to discuss there feelings or even to recognize them as having them

so to avoid being sad they either just ignore their feelings, or put them into the next girl, which is why so many girls ed up with boyfriend accusing them of, or blaming them for things there past girlfriend did...nothing was resolved , they never had to time to 'emotionally ' move on, nothing was resolved, tho they did seem to technically.

In addition, guys walking away or not 'getting into ' things.

it is not because they do not care or are impervious to it

guys actually have a physiologically different response to stressful discussions & having to deal with emotions is very stressful for many -apparently

there blood pressure & heart rate & overall release of chemicals goes up much higher - generally speaking- than women

guys wil fidgit much more in a convo because they are releasing more adrenaline - so the story goes anyways am sure this varies from person to person.

Anyways the type of guys you are talking about who do not give a shi*, do not dust themselves off- they spread their 'dust' to someone else, sometimes causing disease

they screw around hurt people & get drunk more often then women, & get into physical fights more often

guys tend to not understand their emotions as we,ll there fore act angrily when really they are just confused, that is way a lot of guys seem to loose their temper..instead of just furrowing their brow the lash out because emotions are 'physical ' & they feel under assault from the emotion & or anything or person the think is responsible for causing it.

:)

[Seraphine]

Well from my personal experiences, some guys do care, some don't. Those who don't usually haven't been in the relationship long enough to develop deep feelings, or never liked the girl much to begin with. Girls take everything to heart, everything very sensitively -- at least, most girls do, anyway. That's why it's harder for the girl (usually) to part away from her partner after a breakup. That's if the girl actually had honest feelings and it wasn't just playing around.

I find that boys do have feelings, emotions -- of course if it's a girl they're attached to and truly love (and by love, I mean actual love, the real thing -- not just lust, to use her to have sex and then just ditch her) they're going to feel SOMETHING, some kind of feeling of loss, otherwise it wouldn't be true love to begin with! Males are just not good at expressing themselves, usually, or they just feel ashamed to admit feeling miserable, it gives them the impression that they're acting "weak" and the media also affects their thinking process, being too emotional is considered gay to most.

My personal opinion is that if the relationship was honest and the partner did have real feelings for the other, it WOULD hurt. Guys just put on a calm facade so as to not show that they're hurting. I'm sure they must though, -- you can't say all boys have hearts of ice!

[Brinklee15]

First off: You will always feel this after a break-up, to varying degrees. As long as you continue dating and caring about people, it will hurt when it's over. It is a part of life, it really is.

Second: Here's what I've noticed when it comes to boys vs. girls after a break-up... Girls tend to let people in more easily, they love and trust and care about people more quickly than guys do.

Boys generally don't do this quite so openly... It takes longer for them to really care about someone, and really let that person become something special to them.

So the answer to this question is complicated.

Earlier on in a relationship, girls do tend to take break-ups harder. Because they are more attached more quickly.

But if the relationship lasts a while, it can actually take a boy much longer to move on.

Especially if the girl did something to betray his trust.

This is because with most boys, once you're all the way in, you're in. If a boy really actually cares about you, it is not superficial, and takes longer to get over.

Break-ups will always hurt if there are real feelings involved.

[Jonny_]

I felt it until I realised the bigger picture... At the start 1st girlfriend 1st breakup (i've never broken up with a girl or asked one out for that matter), well whe she broke up with me, it took about a year for me to even think about dating again, then second time it took a couple months... I thought to myself, why am I getting so upset, they don't care about me... Crying over it got me nowhere, feeling sorry for myself got me nowhere... Waiting it out for months each time is just wasting a lot of time and changes nothing. I hate to be so ruthless, but if a girl breaks up with me I move on pretty swiftly, often finding someone else before she does. I admit I do still feel upset, but I put it to the back of my mind. Do I let it affect my life and progression forward? No, Why should I? Because your ex will be p*ssed off you aren't crying your eyes out over them? Selfish if it was indeed the case... I mean I don't see why people break up because they want to find someone else then get annoyed when you can deal with it and find someone. They say 'Well obviously you never cared about me', which is again another selfish comment as it's AGAIN about them. I'd ask them why they care about what I do? I mean if they break up with me do they expect me to mope about them and stay single for the rest of my life?

[thetheme]

In the words of Richard Pryor... "When women get their hearts broke they cry, men try to hold it in like it doesn't hurt and walk around and get hit by trucks. People say "didn't he see that truck?", he wouldn't have seen a 747 because his heart was broken! Men don't graduate until a woman breaks your heart. That is your diploma, it either kill you or make you fat" Guys go through it at a VERY young age for the most part. Guys are told false information on how to treat a woman by most single moms, society, and women that don't know what they want. Guys just deal with it differently, but trust me it happens. There are guys that are not able to function, but they do anyway... One of the main differences is that men don't get the sympathy like women get. As far as most break ups are concerned, it's the guys fault even when it isn't. It just depends on the person. There are many women that just move on very easy, especially when they do the dumping and have someone waiting for them which is most of the time. To not "feel" this sometimes it's an ego issue not to show your pain. We cry our rivers, but we have to build our bridges and get over it.

[Greg_B]

The nice guys feel it, but we hide it. It's called "being a man" I guess. We're not supposed to bawl and cry. The players get hardened to it, and just work on getting the next girl(s). But us "nice guys"? We suffer!

The worst for me was being dumped by my girlfriend (we were engaged) after 2.5 years, and *no* warning that anything was even remotely wrong. She just called me up completely out of the blue, crying, said she couldn't be good enough for me or anyone else, "It's not you, it's me." and "I'm so sorry to ever do this to you and string you along, but I could never be a good enough wife or girlfriend to anyone, especially you, so sorry I made promises I can't keep", etc, etc, BWaaaaaaaa {sniffle, snort] Whaaaa! [click] Then that was it. (Yeah, I know: "What the . . ?")

I drove over there to find out what the heck happened, and there's not a hint of tears on her. She was very unlike the girl I'd known for all those years. She was suddenly 100% "ice woman", real distant, real terse, hard as hell, and no give whatsoever. Wouldn't tell me why, or what suddenly happened (just that something *did* happen a few days earlier), and that I should leave immediately, and get on with my own life. Goodbye.

Now that one hurt like hell and for a *long* time. How can you bring closure to something when you have no idea what happened, or why? How can you learn from it when you have no idea what went wrong?

It was 5 years later before I got another girlfriend because it took that long to heal, plus get over a nasty misogynistic streak I developed from that experience. (So sorry to all the women of the world I may have hurt with my words during that phase - I shouldn't have blamed you or stereotyped you)

Anyway, I'm happily married for 15 years now. Lovely woman! XOXO!

Greg

[ike_69]

Depends on the guy.

If he's some1 mature, sensible and has his priorities right, then it won't take him much time to gte over it and move on. Or if he's a player it won't matter much.

Trust me iv been in places you wouldn't want to be in.

my girlfriend of more than a year dumped me a few days before the engagement.

I seriously dint know what had gotten into her.

The reason she gave for breaking up :

"ur possessive and caring, and its Nagging" seriously, WTF !

an hour after she broke up I come to know she's gotten back with her ex.

now answering ur question, I was so depressed for months together after that , I did some crazy sh*t like slashing my hands and wrists. I couldn't sleep for months together. my hair started falling out.

moreover there was absolutely no1 who could help me or console me.

its been 2 years now and I'm perfectly sane.

i fell down , I got up on my own.

i learnt a lot of things after she left me, things I couldn't have learnt if she were there with me !

Life is a learning experience.

it all comes down to living life, each day, no matter whta troubles we face.

Thats what makes life worth living.

Hope. Optimism. Faith.

[jefferson]

same as a women, the more we care the more it hurts, the longer the bond the more it hurts, if she leaves us the more it hurts, the more unexpected the more it hurts, dealing with a serious break up is very hard, but some men put on a front and others have moved on long before the dumping. In my situation I now get over break ups relatively easily, as I lost someone I loved so much it made me a wuss, and pathetic and desparate and emotional, not that this is too bad I just don't let myself be that vulnerable to women anymore, I still care for my gfs and do love, but am not surprised if they or I fall out of love so too speak it happens. I've had two gfs cheat on me and at that very moment I loose all respect for them and it doesn't bother me at all to throw them out, I'm actually nice I just say whatever I don't like you as a person anymore give them a hug and kiss wish them good luck then drop off whatever stuff I have the next day with a smile (the irony is this drives you women crazy) Having said all this sh*t I would let myself fall again for only one women, god I'm a wuss lol. It will suck, maybe for a long time maybe not, respect the decision and just try to keep on with what you like to do. It is just your ego that hurts as if you truly love them you can be happy with their decision.

[itsgucci]

Do guys ever experience heartache if THEY did the breaking up? Like say you really cared about/ loved your girl, but you decided you needed to break up for your own personal reasons. Because you did the breaking up, do you get over it immediately or are y'all still sad too?

[khellendros]

Most guys are trained from the media, parents, friends, and other significant people in their life to be walled off from things that would cause them to feel this way. Myself, I was never exposed to most of that, and I romanticized relationships by overindulging in reading books and watching movies that portrayed love in a perfect light. This of course has left me in such a state that now that my first girlfriend ever (who also happens to be the woman I wanted to be with for the rest of my life) has broken up with me, that I am absolutely devastated and struggling to recover.

Yes, there are guys that feel destroyed, absolutely devastated, when a breakup occurs. I'm a prime example, as well as ike who answered above. It depends on how much the guy will let himself open up to the girl. In the end, everyone will become deadened to what might have been a great/bad/soso relationship and move on, but the ones that don't allow themselves to truly open up to the other or have lost loving feelings along the way are the ones who can dust themselves off and move on quickly. And that may spell out problems for them in the future.

[heartbrokenincowtown]

Hi. I'm a guy, and yes I can tell you that we feel the heartache of breakups too. A lot has to do with who it is that decided to end the relationship. In my case, I had developed deep feelings for her, and had hopes and dreams of a future together. She ended the relationship two weeks ago, and I've been having a tough time ever since. I have a hard time focusing on work, I feel empty inside and have spent many hours wondering what went wrong.

I don't have an easy way to end the hurting, the advice I've been given is to try and keep busy, spend time with friends and family, get into a hobby. It's a bad idea to ignore the pain. You have to let it hurt, and let time go by so you can start healing.

I've had the fortune of having a couple of female friends to talk to, they are very understanding. It's difficult for a guy to talk about this with his guy friends, mostly they just tell you it's her loss and you should move on. Definitely easier said than done. I've been taking it one day at a time, hoping that the bad days will become less and less frequent.

I know you'd like to pretend you never met this person, but eventually you'll be glad for the experience. It helped you grow as a person, and helped you learn more about what you want from a relationship too.

I hope my words have helped, all the best.

[WeaponZero]

Yes, we do. But I don't think it's as bad because we take extra measures to lessen the hurt that girls don't seem to take. Basically, we allow our friends and our hobbies to form a support network that keeps our minds otherwise occupied when dealing with a breakup. It allows us to deal with it better and makes us come across as 'cold' to girls. Girls don't really seem to do this, not as much anyway. They focus so much on the relationship while they're in it that they don't take the time to maintain that all-important support network while we do. I think it's got a lot to do with the fact that guys in a relationship think more with their head while girls think more with their heart. It allows us to still maintain our support network outside of the relationship.

[WeaponZero]

This is all generally speaking, of course.

[xBlossomx]

+1! ^^

[woods-man39]

Are you kidding, of course we do,some guys just hide it better than others. now the last relationship I was in only lasted about a week, and was honestly weird, so I didn't feel to bad about it. But the one befor that lasted abou 6-7 months, and I was down in the dumps and barley talked to anyone for about a month, I was an absolute wreck.

Now there are other guys who do not care at all. Why? because they think girls are like underwear, and you can't have one forever. so they don't mind break up, they just think, "

well ill find another girl, one that will give me more vagina"

so it might be that you are just sein the jerks, who view the woman body as nothin but a life support system for a vagina...

[bob111111]

ok we definitely do... i broke up with my first love about a month ago and for a week i felt nothing but then it sucker punched me in the face i couldn't think straight there were times when i collapsed on the floor and didn't get up for an hour all i could do is miss a person that i knew made me miserable i also thought i was ok the first week but thinking back on it i realize i was just in shock i didn't eat more than a bag of chips once a day for a week and the week after was the same i think that relationship made me lose at least 10 pounds haha trust me... guys can feel it i'm gonna have to deal with the fact that this bitch ripped a piece out of me and ran for the hills

don't worry though it gets better :)

[Johnnyboy84]

It depends on the length of the relationship for me. But men do seem to get over it a lot easier as its in our nature to bottle up any emotion. Some might sit up all night sobbing their hearts out only to go down the pub the next day and talk about sports and how good it is to be single again.

Also on how the break up happend will make a difference. Say I was left for another man I'd be absolutley fuming and wouldn't be too nice and accepting about the matter. Then if I done the dumping it would be a relief and a breath of fresh air for me as the weight would off my chest. Then say I was caught cheating and got the boot I'd feel very guilty and would want to make it up to them a lot more than any other situation.

But we do have half a heart under our thick skins, just we WILL NOT show it alsong as we still have our egos intact.

[cheekylittlemonkey]

From a girls point of view they definitely do. When I dumped my first boyfriend who I was his first girlfriend he clung on to my leg, cried and begged me to take him back and continued to beg. My ex said he begged his first girlfriend too. If they are young, first love or depending on the guy and experience they will definitely feel it but they show their emotions in different ways to girls. It's easier for a girl to cry and talk about a break up with their friends but not so easy for a guy. My ex said all his mates say is "f**k her off and find someone else".

[slappy_bender]

I've never had a truly devestating breakup.

But I've been involved in a situation where the woman I love cheated on me and got prego with some other dude's baby while I was away in Iraq.

I left. I hurt a lot so I drank. When I drank I decided to have sex with as many women as I could. eventually, maybe 3 months later I realized I was over her...mostly.

I'm not saying that what I did was the "right" thing, but it was how I dealt with it.

I've found that dwelling on sh*t I can't change tends to make me crazy.

That being said, that one f***ed up relationship definately affected my confidence and about a years worth of relationships.

[Anonymous]

Of course we feel this!

Hell I cried more in 1 week than I did in the rest of my entire life. I couldn't eat anymore, couldn't sleep anymore. To cut a pathetic story - it's not what guys do, showing much emotions - short yes we do.

Have you ever felt like you'd rather kill yourself than to feel that sh*t any longer? Eventually, everyone will, gender doesn't make a difference if you truly loved someone and saw an angel walk right out of your life.

/ No I don't want her back >anymore<. I think that how she hurt me after the break-up made me get over her quicker. I hope she and my former buddy are happy, I know for sure he doesn't feel what I felt for her lol :)

[Anonymous]

guys get heartbroken, but they don't show it as much. if the breakup is mutual, guys will feel as bad as you but socioty has frowned upon guys showing emotions as much as girls so they hide it

usually after breakups, I will go from depressed to angry at everything to depressed again to angry and wanting to work out (last breakup I ended up doing 400 pushups in a night because I needed to get my mind off her) and then I'm over it. the whole time I can't get her off my mind and everything reminds me of her, I can't sleep, lose my appatite, have trouble focusing at school. and am a total mess but I try to hide it with fake smiles and everythng else because "big boys don't cry" that's what we have all been taught growing up so that's what happens

[Anonymous]

Yes, guys definitely do feel heartache. And it is typically harder for the person who got left behind versus the one who did the leaving.

I have a theory that guys who are in long-term relationships and are the ones left behind really suffer and tend to be wounded for years and not able to date or emotionally connect with a woman during that time. Seems like guys can suffer even more, maybe because they have less opportunities to have friends they can talk it out with. Guys don't typically sit around commiserating about a break-up with their buddies.

[Sekan]

Trush me if a real guys losses his girl this wold Shaders and it HURTS real bad...

but guys try to put on there tough act and seems like there stong and try not to show they care, but a guy with out his girl is NOTHING and it will always be that way for bouth sides, older guys get more in touch with there feelings then younger ones

You'll get over it though, go do things you like, like go shoppping blow money on yoru self on clothing shoe's and all the good things that girls love =] then go do thigns you enjoy, the chance is you'll find some one with the same intrests as you and that give you things to talk about and giveing you your "icebraker"

hope this helped =] go injoy your self!

[miroriki]

plain and simple: it depends how much we let ourselves fall for someone. I know guys that almost always keep from getting too invested in relationships. They don't take long at all to get over a breakup. On the other hand, I know at least two guys who are still unmarried, but who have made their relationships the most important part of their lives. I know that a breakup would be devastating for them, and would take a very long time to get over.

[WeaponZero]

This sort of coincides with my answer. Still devoting time to friends and hobbies like guys tend to do while in a relationship is a form of keeping yourself from getting too invested. In a way, it's like keeping a lifeline to the life we had before we got into a relationship while girls cut that lifeline when they get into one.

[mz4568]

From my experiences...

- get upset

- can't concentrate for a couple of days

- food doesn't taste as good

- think about her a bit too much even though I don't want to.

- tend to talk to people to get the hurt out of my system

- try to get involved in activities to get my mind off her until the bad feeling passes.

[JocularJohn]

Yes, there is certainly heartache, sadness, etc. in us guys after a breakup, or at least in me. Myself, though, I get to missing my girl even when I just won't be able to go see her for a week, in these months of separation known as collegiate summer break. However, the visibility of the loss and broken bonds are easily enough hidden, though not gone. I recall many depressed months between relationships. It's never quite easy once you know what you've given up, take my word for that.

[dctrhu]

Of course! It is just plain worng to thinm that aguy wouldn't be affected by a massive break up. In some cases, they don't care, and really, that's probably sader than the brake-up, but honestly;

Guy's do cry, it is awful when breaking up, during the relationship we think about things just as much as you girls do, we feel the same, but bottle it up. I think, because it is what men are for. The 'rugged' option in humans, being a man.

[Anonymous]

Some guys can't form an emotional attachment to a partner, its part genetic, some do, some guys a serial cheaters and will never change just accept them as they are or find someone who is not.

Takes time to get over an ex, break all contact and move on, some people use a rebound relationship to get over their ex if they have no inention of geting back with them...