We have been together for over 4 years. I thought he was going to be my first and last guy in my life. Why would someone who says love me would cheat on me? And to make matters worse he wasn't even man enough to tell me. The girl who he was having an affair with reached out to me on Instagram and told me what has been going on, and according to her their affair has been going on for over 6 months and she showed me evidence to prove it. And on top of that, she had no shame to tell me she was not going to let him marry me and she was going to fight for him. I just find all of it ridiculous and I feel terrible, because from all of the people in the world I would have never imagined him hurting me like this. (Some but not all of our texts)
How could he claim to love me, but still cheat on me :'( ? Why did she have to reach out to me about their affair but not him? :'( Why?
Apparently she doesn't mind getting cheated on, because when she steals someone's mate it's just a matter of time before the same is done to her. Most likely he never loved you and never wanted to get married, those are just lines some guys feed you when they feel the need to treat you like a mushroom and fed you bullshit in order to get laid. He probably told his new lay the same thing and she believed it, despite having to steal him from you. You basically got played like a harp and discarded like toilet paper. It's actually pretty common, better luck next time (if there is a next time, drama like that is why I quit doing closed relationships).
"The girl who he was having an affair with reached out to me on Instagram and told me what has been going on, and according to her their affair has been going on for over 6 months and she showed me evidence to prove it."... you do realize he wasn't planning on telling you right? That's seriously messed up. Someone like that is not worth your time. I am willing to bet anything that he had plans on getting married with you and still keeping her on the side. Why would you want someone like that in your life? !
I'm sorry but it's better to leave him, and that girl has no shame for sleeping with men who are in a commited relationship. You are so much better without them. If I was you I would listen to his story just for the sake of knowing why he would do that, but do not believe it and be critical about if his story makes sense or not. Either way, remember that cheating is never okay nor did he have an excuse to do that. He never planned to tell you about it, so don't trust on guys like him easily. Real men who loves their women does not cheat.
Some people who are in love are still capable of cheating. They cheat coz they lack willpower. They have no self- control over their desires and emotions , so they're easily tempted to betray someone they claim to love.
You have two choices, listen to what he has to say , then make a decision based on his explanation , or cut all means of contact so you can find your own way of getting through the pain of his infidelity.
Was the picture included in those texts all of the evidence she provided? If so, it may be worth while to at least let him explain - if his explanation sounds like bullshit or your gut tells you it is, then he's gone, but that picture just looks like 2 people at a pool or hot tub and there very well could be a good explanation for it...
listen to him. You are a woman yourself, you should know how vengeful women can become, when being turned down. The picture you show there, are two people in a pool / waterpark, that doesn't prove shit!
by the way. she reached out to you, so you would end the relationship and she could have him for herself. She was the "hidden" one (if she was at all) and wanted to get all of his attention. So she exposed her SO (as per her thinking) to critical comments and public humiliation. Now carefully think about who is the "bad" person in that triangle?
And if he really cheated on you, kick him out of the house. Men who know how to handle their dick better, than how to handle their brains, you'll find any corner.
Ok, it's one picture and it seems to be in a pool.
I would suggest you listen to him first. I know you are hurt and angry at the same time, but listen to him. The girl in the picture messaging you could be a total psycho, telling you things that never happened but she wished had happened.
There's always 2 sides of the coin.
If you think the explanation of the dude isn't worth it, leave him. If you think that he's lying even by a small margin, leave him. But still, you need to listen to him first before judging him.
@JacquelineBuan He's probably just asking who showed it to you. Yeah, it sounded suspicious but he could be on a state of panic because he thinks that you think he is cheating (where he COULD be not).
Unfortunately, some people are a-holes. Women can be vicious. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am happy that you found out before you married a douchebag. I married a cheater once and as much as it hurts now, it is better to know before the wedding happens.
Don't give in. This dude is an actual crap sack. Clearly he is selfish, clearly he doesn't value the sanctity of a relationship - let alone marriage (this is coming from an atheist) so it's time to cut ties. She wants him so bad? Let the hoe have him so he can cheat on HER down the line. Not you.
2
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Listen sweetheart.. I feel really sorry for you.. I seriously admire you for telling him not to come near you.. stay strong.. Let that hoe girl "fight for him".. she's fighting for a total slob anyway.. you deserve so much better. He obvs was playing. you.. Thats why he didn't reach out first and you had to.. He should hav manned up and told u if he really did love. Also.. better you found out now before things went even further.. take your time now... good luck x
Dont ever talk to him that asshole isn't worth to talk with. If he liked some other person when he was in relationship with you, it wouldn't be a problem if he break up with you first at least. But playing with two person at the same time is ridicilious.
Ohh sadd... He did it because he if absolute jerk ever... And that girl of a slut too...
And I'd freely terrible that he did all that after 4 years... Dump this guy and expose him on social media... So that everyone knows how this guy is...
You put your faith in a lying asshole, I'm sorry about that. Anyway take some time out to recover and move on. Don't exchange any more dialog with him.
What if that picture before he met u? Or before u 2 did date?
So always lsn to the 2 sides then judge :) that how to be just and fair And if he is proven guilty spit in his face If he right and u judged fast apologize with blush ;)
Omg. This is really sad and annoying. :( Just leave him. You don't need a guy like that. He wasn't even ready to tell you about this. 4 years and he starts having an affair! Bad! 😕
A guy can love a female and be completely happy with a female and still take an offer for sex. Women do not understand this and never will.
1
7 Reply
Opinion Owner
+1 y
The other chick was a c*nt for telling you and trying to destroy your world for her own greedy wants. Side chicks who do that forget their place, and think they will become "more" if they destroy his world. These women deserve to end up alone for life.
Unlikely. They are women, there will always be a dry dick wanting to get wet somewhere. Karma is a nice thought but usually is no where to be found in the real world other than anecdotal evidence.
@Poppykate I'd have no problem with it. In an open relationship I'd assume she had a few side orders anyway, I just wouldn't want to know who they were or the details, especially if I already knew them.
@Poppykate I know what you are asking for, you want me to say no so you can claim sexism and blah blah...
the problem is, it is different biologically. That isn't an excuse. Men have sex without getting emotionally attached. Women even when they don't think they will, get emotionally attached. Therefore sex isn't "just sex" with women. The levels of oxytocin in the female during arousal, foreplay, sex, and orgasm is high and estrogen heightens the effects. In men, we only get small amounts and mainly during orgasm, testosterone nullifies its effects. So a female doing this would be emotionally geared and therefore isn't just a fun activity, women cheat because they are unhappy with something in their relationship, or with their partner.
☝️cheating isn't right period no matter who's doing it. but I have to agree. men usually cheat just for sex, they have affairs for sex and rarely get attached. where as women usually cheat for emotional reasons, something is wrong in the relationship and women usually go for emotional support and end of falling for the guy that made her feel better then their relationship
@Opinion owner I agree with you! It's one of the reasons why I don't have sex with a man unless I know he is going to hang around for a while. In regards to your second point, I think if more men understood this, they would understand why it is too late to try and make changes to a relationship, when a woman has declared that she has found someone else, has her bags packed, and her hand on the doorknob.
I agree with the marriage part (no one is good enough for that risk) but Ouch. And I thought I was an asshole. Guess it goes to prove there's always someone better at what you do.
Home > Guy's Behavior > Questions > How could he claim to love me, but still cheat on me :'( ? Why did she have to reach out to me about their affair but not him? :'( Why?
Most Helpful Opinions