He lied to me about being single. Should I confront him about it?

[Anonymous]

I recently moved to a new city where I met this guy in the middle of March while at work. He showed interest in me from the very first day, asking other coworkers who I was and constantly staring at me. We got to know each other a bit more in about a weeks time and he was very sensitive and caring towards me. At the end of the month, he had asked for my number and the two of us along with two other coworkers went out that night. He never left my side that night and took me home afterward. I ended up falling asleep in his arms during the ride home and he took care of me, making sure I wasn't too cold or too warm.

After that night he would text and call me several times a day even though we saw each other everyday at work. His texts always included things like how he missed me and wanted to see me. He was really sweet to me and always made sure I was OK. He would call me first thing when he woke up and he would call me after I left work every night. He would cook me dinner and lunch sometimes too.

Things were going very well between us until there were some pretty serious conflicts that happened at work which resulted in him quitting. Even after he left, he still texted and called me to make sure I was ok and everything. So even after he left, he never stopped caring for me. I questioned him a few times about whether he had a girlfriend or not because a coworker told me that he had one and was lying to me. He told me that he didn't and that I was the only one in his heart. After awhile, I felt myself starting to like him.

But the other day, I came across his Facebook page and saw that he was in a relationship with a girl already. I instantly started ignoring his texts and stopped answering his calls. I feel hurt that he's been lying to me this whole time. He hasn't called or texted me in a few days now but I'm finding myself starting to miss him and that I want him back in my life. My heart hurts but I want him to contact me again. I'm scared that if I confront him about him having a girlfriend, I really will lose him forever. I don't want him gone from my life but I can't pretend that I don't know the truth. Please reason with me, I don't know what I should do. I want to tell him that I miss him but I want him to be the one reaching out to me. Should I confront him and find out why he's been leading me on or just keep on ignoring him?

Updates

+1 y

I didn't tell him how I had found out and I didn't specify that she was his girlfriend or anything, I only asked him who this girl was. His said that she is his best friend. I don't know how to take this answer. Is he telling me the truth? Please help!

[AngelCakes1986]

Wow, you just described my situation down to a tee (which happened 2yrs ago)!

Okay, 2 things:
1) It's perfectly normal to miss him. But here's what you also have to remember: HE LIED TO YOU, HE LED YOU ON, AND HE THOUGHT HE CAN HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT IT, TOO... but you were smart enough to take that "cake" away from him when you found out about his lies. The person you're longing for was just a facade that he put on just to get what he wants from you. Don't fall for it. Be smart; continue with No-Contact and save yourself from anymore drama with him.
2) The guy claimed that cared about you and ONLY you and that the girl in his relationship status is actually his BFF, right? But do you really believe that's true? Because if he really cares for you like he says he does, then why wasn't your name on his relationship status instead of the girlfriend's? Think about it. And I agree witb Louise123; how do you think the girlfriend will feel when she finds out that you're the reason why their relationship ended? And even if he does choose you over his girlfriend, whose to say he won't cheat on you with another girl like the way he's doing with his girlfriend.
You deserve better; let this guy go! Love yourself; respect yourself, and the RIGHT guy will come to you and treat you the way you were supposed to be treated.

[Louise123]

Honey you were used. Lose him. He told you a HUGE lie and that means he's hiding a bunch of other stuff. You know the truth and if you want more of the same treatment from a guy who clearly is out to get what he wants -- go ahead. But take it from me. I wasted 4 years on a guy who cheated on me constantly - lied about it - texted other girls, called them - all behind my back when we were supposed to be ENGAGED. Please DO lose him forever. You deserve better. Why do you want some other girl's sloppy seconds? YOU should be treated like a Queen. If you don't respect you and set boundaries - NO guy will , either. You are setting yourself up for tremendous heartache if you stay with this guy. He's a player and telling you ALL those sweet things that he KNOWS will get him what he wants. He knows you have a big heart - and guys like that capitalize on that, Sweetheart. Confront him? NOPE. Ask him? Nope. He will just lie. Why was he leading you on? BECAUSE HE COULD. You were smart to cut him loose and not call. You are missing the guy you THOUGHT he was... Look beyond that and SEE he is a liar/cheat/ and totally untrustworthy. IS THIS THE KIND OF GUY YOU WANT? And... what about his girlfriend? If he cheated on HER, he will do the SAME to you. Sorry. Be smart - protect yourself and DO NOT CONTACT THIS GUY AGAIN.

[Asker]

But if everything he has done and said were all lies then why does he still care about what's happening around me? He's still telling me to be careful of certain people and he's still giving me advice about the workplace and such. After almost two weeks of no communication between us, he texted me again, showing that he still cares about me. Shouldn't he have gotten the hint and given up after I ignored him for almost two weeks? I don't understand why he's still doing this

[coffeeeadddict]

Talk to him about it, and get his side of the story. However, be sure to look at his Facebook updates and such. If he tells you "I will break up with her, just not now," tell him that you aren't anything more than friends until he has been out of a relationship for at least a month. Be careful, but don't just not talk to him again, there are always different sides to a story. However, he could seriously be a player.

[NotSoBad]

This answer is a tad biast. I agree you should be cautious, but maybe the guy isn't happy with the girl he was with. Maybe he was cheated on by her and hasn't had the courage to let her go yet. I think you should be cautious. If you want to confront him about it then do it in person. It will be easier to tell if he is lying.

[Tamikaze]

@NotSoBad, so what if he is unhappy with the girl he is with. That doesn't make it right to date someone else like you are single. Grow some, split up with the person you are unhappy with OR don't date other people. Cheating is cheating. It's not like he was drunk and accidentally had a lapse in judgment one night. He's been pursuing her actively. Not cool.

[Tamikaze]

I did know one guy who purposely posted his Facebook status as "in a relationship" to get some girl to stop bugging him. I don't think it would hurt to say that you realized from Facebook he has a girlfriend and, of course, you just don't understand why he was dating you. You might find out he recently ended the relationship, before he met you.

I realize maybe his Facebook is showing you a lot more than a status notice that makes it clear he really is seeing this girl still, and if that is the case, I would let him have it and tell him you cannot believe he lied to you and did not think you would find out. But, that is just me. I hate finding out someone took advantage of my trust.

[Trihill]

confront him about it and see what he will do...it will either be break up or he will choose you

[sarahh_12]

You need to confront him about it. It will go one of two ways, he'll choose you and leave the girl, or he won't be in your life anymore. But, he obviously thinks it's alright to do that while he has a girlfriend, so the only way to start to show him he needs to get his act together, is by showing him you know the truth and you won't stand for what he's doing.I

[girl_nevaagain]

I wouldn't confront him or anything. Everything you need to know has already been shown to you. Trust your instincts and move on. He isn't worth your time. Only drama and heartache will come from this situation if you continue to involve yourself in it. Trust me, I have dealt with a situation similar to your's, only, it was more complicated. Do yourself a favor, cut this guy lose and continue to live drama free. Much love:)

[vanessabond]

I would love to talk to you. I think I can help. Please call or email me- 818.461.1632 or [e-mail]

Vanessa

[Anonymous]

Yes he's telling the truth, beleive him, you want to, enjoy the attention and the romance...