Does he not care, or is he hurting too? Guys, please answer honestly.

[onebeautifultragedy]

My ex boyfriend broke up with me exactly 3 weeks ago. Tomorrow will be exactly 2 weeks no contact.

The last time we spoke to each other I was upset, and had some things that I really wanted to get out to him. (I know, it was foolish, but I felt better after I got it out)

I didn't beg or plead with him, but I made it clear that I knew what went wrong (he got fed up with my insecurities and dealing with the stress of the relationship) and that if we were to ever get back together things would be very different, in a good way.

I also told him (even know its not completely true..) that I accepted his decision to end things, and that I was moving on with my life because I won't wait for him (also a lie, but hey)

He said he cares about me and wants to be friends, which is bullsh*t I know, but he's close friends with his last ex, and I really don't see him as being the type of guy to be a jerk and not ever talk to me again.

Its been 2 weeks, and I deactivated my Facebook today because I can't stand the temptation of looking at his profile and waiting for him to remove the pictures of us. He also changed his status to 'widowed', which I don't understand..

My question is, from a male perspective, do you think he is trying to do me a favor and let me get on with my life by not contacting me, or does he truly not care? I know he has asked a mutual friend that has seen me recently how I'm holding up, but that is the extent of it.

Do guys ever regret breaking up with a girl who truly cared about them and was good to them and come back? With every passing day I feel like the answer to that is becoming more and more obvious.. but he said he just doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore, and I know he isn't seeing (or trying to see) anyone else.

Has anything like this ever happened to anyone? Please, share your stories and thoughts..

[milkcandy]

Just let him be. I contacted my ex and I found out even more things I did not want to know about. We tried to be friends but in the end it was a bitter break up. I can't even talk to him without getting mad. It drove him away for good. I had hurt him and I know that. It did not make me feel good about myself and I lost him for good as a friend. He cared for me but made himself less available to me so we can both move on. My ex was very vocal about his feelings and yes they do hurt. Don't make the same mistake as I did. I did not want him back as a boyfriend but you want your man back. Just try to move on as best as you can. Try not to contact him for a month. No sooner than that. Then if you want, give him a call and just talk to him for a short time and make it friendly and casual. That way, he has you back on his mind, and he may consider calling you back. After all, he must have liked/loved to have been with you. Don't get mad and act all psycho or insecure again...Men hate clingy ex-gfs...I know you want a girl's perspective but just thought I'd offer my experience.

[onebeautifultragedy]

Thank you, I appreciate your story.. but you said you 'hurt him' (your ex)? sounds like it was you who did the breaking up?

I like the advice to give it a month before contacting him, but I want him to be the one to do it first, so it at least proves he still cares, you know? But I also know that everyday we aren't talking he is getting over me more, but that's out of my control, unfortunately..

[milkcandy]

No, he actually broke up with me but he was the one that contacted me after a week or two. I was really happy that he did but we only had short conversations. I would talk to him for 5 minutes and then make up something to get off the phone/IM. We had a LDR & he didn't call for sex or anything. Sometimes guys just need a little space & if you don't give it to him & get all clingy, he will be gone for good. He also maybe going through some personal issues too. Some guys don't talk about it.

[onebeautifultragedy]

I'd really like to hope that is the case (him going through personal issues), because its very logical.. Its been 2 weeks since I said anything to him last, and I haven't heard from him. I take this as a very bad sign, but I have a (foolish) feeling he's just busy and a lot of things are changing in his life.

I took to heart your suggestion to contact him after a whole month has passed, but I don't want to start the whole clingy process over again, if that makes sense.. :(

[milkcandy]

Have you contacted him and how did it turn out? Just curious to see what happened. Hope it worked out for you.

[onebeautifultragedy]

He ended up contacting me 2 weeks ago.. just to see how I was. It ended very badly because the same night he texted me his best friends girlfriend told me he was seeing his ex (that I had been uncomfortable with him being friends with throughout our relationship). He denied it, but I completely flipped out on him, I said some really terrible things but felt he needed to hear it.

It turns out that it wasn't true after all. He said he's in no position to be with anyone right now, which I can under

[jmistyrain]

did your boy come back?

[dimples123]

I hope you got your guy back. I've heard that apparently when you stop contacting them, months go by and you don't approach them they start to wonder what happened and their ego gets hurt- they do the chasing. What do you guys think?

[PrettyWildd]

i know you wanted a guys opinion...but I'm going thru the SAME thing as we speak. I went a week of not talkin to him and gave in..spoke here & there but he would answer with 1 word...most times just completely ignored me. I'm going on a week of no contact again...but this time I'm really not giving in. I wonder the same about my ex...if he still cares about me, is he hurting like me..did he move on easily. it sucks very much, so I know you must be hurting a lot too. I still have no answers, and unless he talks to me, I'll never really know how he's feeling. hope you get thru this easily. good luck.

[onebeautifultragedy]

Im sorry to hear you are experiencing this as well.. I've never hurt so much before in my entire life, and I'm clinically depressed! But its nice to know I'm not alone.

I would stick to not contacting your ex.. it sounds like he wants nothing to do with you, and that hurts really bad, but if he's going to act like that you don't want to be with him anyway, admit that to yourself..

If you do hear from him though, I would be interested to know what he has to say, being our situations are so similar.

[PrettyWildd]

Yeah I been very down as well...i try to stay distracted but you know how hard that can be. I'm just trying to stay positive and go with the flow. I will def. let you know if he contacts me and what he says lol...im very curious myself.

[Anonymous]

I am sure he is hurting. He does not want to continue the relationship but he still cares about you. We never forget a break up but he is probably moving on or he has stopped looking for relationships. There is really "no regret" of breaking up but a feeling of it was okay to try but now I see that we are not going to work. then we have a feeling of regret. there really should be no regret but an experience of what we did was okay. we tried and it did not work so lets move on and try because in life we just try and see if we get it right. we don't go any where if we don't see for ourselves. We need to experience the bad with the good or else we will never move forward.

[onebeautifultragedy]

I appreciate this answer because it was very mature. I think you are right, and he is moving on, but I have reason to believe he is going to be very lonely (he just moved out, he's not close with his best guy friends anymore, his band broke up and his best guy friend d***ed him over) etc..

[PredictablePen]

what he's doing is protecting himself. he doesn't want to let his feelings fall vulnerable. its clear he has feelings for you still, but he's expressing great self control, and trying to get over you the right way. its really hard to tell whether he regrets breaking up with u, because all guys are different with how they express their feelings. just remember that guys have feelings too, so he's probably hurting at least as much as you r. don't ever assume it was a breeze to break up with someone

[onebeautifultragedy]

I find it hard to believe he is hurting, because when I DID contact him the first week after it happened, he didn't seem phased by it at all. He said he was sorry and didn't want me to do this to myself blah blah, but he didn't seem to show any regret.

And also, I know its not easy to break up with someone.. I broke up with someone a year ago that I later GREATLY (and still do!) regret, but I'm a girl, so its a little different.. right?

[PredictablePen]

Just remember that most guys tend to hide how they really feel. what yur seeing is probably not what's really going on

[onebeautifultragedy]

I appreciate your response.. and I can see how it could be true, but he was just so un-sympathetic towards me.. I'm sure he knew how bad I was really hurting. I just don't know what could have gotten into him. I'm trying to accept the fact that he's done, but I keep thinking he'll come back, which is stupid. Is talking to his friends a bad idea?

[heartbrokenUK]

Hi im going through the same thing. I was with my ex for only 6 months but it was the best six months of my life. We were/ are perfect for each other, even after i found out a secret of his i was still willing to stay and so was he. Then a week later he said he didn't want to be in a long term relationship anymore and wanted to concentrate on himself.
I am devastated as this happened days before Christmas and we had made plans for the holidays. We had txted and seen each other a few times to swap things back and i asked if he had changed his mind and he said no (after only a week). So the last text i sent him was a nice, hope you find what your looking for type of text just to show him im not feeling upset or angry about the situation (which i am). I am going to text him again because i still have a few of his stuff which i didn't want to give up just yet but im doing the month rule to see how he reacts and show him what he is missing out on. Then i will really know if we have a shot or it is deffinately over.

[mhkulit]

i find this really interesting. my boyfriend and i broke up a month ago...but we were having really a rough relationship before we finally break up...i know we were trying to work things out but its just 1 day when he was at my place someone called me on facetime using his email address...i saw it right after he left my place. and i knew that it couldnt be him because he just literally left my place...so i called back and someone answered...its a girl!! and she asked me who the f*** i was? and i asked her back like who are you? and she said that she's a girlfriend of this guy...i hang up and ran downstairs to my boyfriend...i just broke down on the street...i felt like someone stabbed me on my back! it was so painful! when i talk to me boyfriend he said that he doesn't like her and he said that that girl was insisting a relationship with him and he already told her that NO! how could i believe that? when the girl called me on facetime she was using my bf's ipad which i gave him at his house? i felt like i was ready to die at that time that i couldnt handle the pain! i was miserable! i texted him i called him and he never answer anymore. he told me that that girl is crazy! he said something like...she was a co-worker before that moved to new york...right now, im feeling better. i love him with all my heart and some of you might find me stupid to say this, but my love for him is greater than his failure. i want him back but i dont how is that going to happen. i stop texting and calling for a week now and i dont wanna do it again. if he's meant for me, he's meant for me. thats all i think of now. because if he comes back, i know its gonna be for good.

[musicloverr8]

Hey girl. I know it's hard but don't suffer for someone who isn't suffering for you... clearly he did like you and cared about you but I'm not sure that he really loved you if he left you for reasons stemming from insecurity. If he loved you he would stick with you through that and help build you up but for him it was a downer, a tire and and a turn off. Now you must use this as a stepping stone to become the person you want to be. You don't need anyone in your life who doesn't want to be there. Maybe you just need time to yourself to become the person you have been wanting.. maybe God will send someone into your life who will help you pick up the pieces and who will care for you more.. that guy is a jerk believe it or not, he's moving on and I suggest you do the same. Put your Beyonce face on and say to yourself girl I don't need that in my life!

[MusicMayhem]

If he got sick of your insecurities he's definitely moved on. Sounds like you had an emotionally charged rant at him too so you justified to him why he broke up with you.

He's feeling free right now with his independence, not having to answer texts and call you every day.

He's not coming back. Move on.

[unomilkis1]

Well I'm sure he's hurting too, men are after all capable of feelings. Though there are studies indicating that women, will go through stronger magnitude of emotional distress but is able to get over it after a break up, while men may not feel strongly as women, however they also do not get over it. Play your cards right maybe there still be a chance.

[hereforthefunofit]

Nothing worse then being with someone that is unsecure about themselves or the relationship. He is staying away till he has time to adjust. When he knows he is over you he will start talking again. I k ow you said you would change but people always fall back to their old ways. You also told him you were moving on and wouldn't wait. That was your mistake and he is respecting what you said. Never lie about things like that it will always bite you in the a$$

[Anonymous]

Hey I don't know if this is relevant anyone but I'm going through the same thing.. we only dated for a few months but I fell really hard for him.. he broke up with me a week ago and it's been the hardest week of my life it's killing me but I'm putting up a strong face to him concealing my feelings.. we've been speaking here and there as friends but sometimes he just ignores me until something comes up.. anyways I've asked to meet next week to 'end things in a better way' but really I just want to try to get him back... I do really love him and he was perfect for me but apparently he wants to get his life together and isn't ready to date and might have lost feelings for me so I don't know :/ if our meeting doesn't go well I'm going to adopt the 30 day no contact rule and see what happens.. Wish me luck!

[SweetDisaster]

Move on obviously he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. You can do better it will hurt at the beginning but you will survive. Keep your mind distracted by doing things the will keep you occupied.

[Canadaman99]

After a break up neither party has to talk to one another. That's often part of the "break"

[Anonymous]

Friends with the ex, is friends with benefits or hook up temtpation, without the comitment. If he is moving and doesn't want to be with you anymore nothing you can do about it...

[Muhammad1999]

He is hurting , but he has no other choice

[jmistyrain]

Did your boy come back?