Should I wish my EX boyfriend a happy birthday after he dumped me 3 months ago?

[lovehel]

It is after 9pm here, and its my ex of 6 years birthday. I feel sick in my stomach. I haven't spent it apart from him once and I haven't been able to stop weighing up whether I should or shouldn't text a happy birthday message.

I have been extremely hurt and depressed over the break up which happened 3 months ago, no contact since.

He broke up with me when he decided to move to Italy and because I did not want to and was offended he told me this over the phone and made a big deal out of that, he ended things over text and said good luck with your small life, I replied whatever bye. That was it.

Part of me that still loves him and wishes I was with him on his birthday, it pains me to think I am not with him on his birthday enjoying it with him, and how bitter things have got between us.

Part of still hopes that we will rekindle what we lost and reconnect in the future, and I guess me saying happy birthday is just me giving myself false hope?

I am hesitant to contact him as I don't think its a good idea to reopen communication with someone who I felt so disrespected by, I also am scared of the response I might get, then the other side of me is saying be the mature person, and say happy birthday and show you have no hard feelings.

I still care about him and miss him, I want to do the right thing.

What do you think?

Updates

+1 y

Hi to anyone who is reading this. I ended up not saying happy birthday thanks to all your great advice. I also blocked him off my facebook when I saw he was liking some selfie photo he is dating. I thought to myself this piece of crap has put me through enough torture, I am not going to purposely torture myself, looking at this, and he doesn't deserve to be friends with me anyway

[America1st]

I fully understand your desire to do it and your reasons for hesitating. I would not send a message. You were right when you said he disrespected you. It was his way or the highway. He did this by text and phone. That is what cowards do. If you really care for the person in the first place, you talk in person about it. In my opinion, what you said went on leads me to believe breaking up is what he wanted and again he took the cowards way out. If you said you would go, I think he would have come up with another reason. It's only been 3 months. Of course you still feel pain from his breaking it off. Missing him is normal, especially when you had no clue it was coming. You will get past this with more time. Put anything of his or the two of you together away. Stay off his social media stuff. Getting rid of constant reminders makes the whole getting over it process go on and on. Don't open a new can of worms by giving him the satisfaction of knowing you still care. Feeds his ego with no benefit to you. The most important thing to remember is that he did this in a way you might a casual friend, not your SO. I'm sorry you are going through this. You will be okay.

[lovehel]

Thank you for writing this in depth response. I have felt sick to my stomach today thinking the person I loved and did everything for left that me over text after 6 years, who caused me an immense amount of pain and hasn't bothered to contact me in 3 months to even see if I was okay was born today. I think the reason I want to send him the text is just to be like yes you hurt me but I am still alive and still a good person regardless. But as you say that would just feed his ego?

[America1st]

I'm guessing he only real relationship based on your age. That makes it even harder on you. Having the first breakup such a huge one has caused many to be wary of future relationships so they won't get hurt that bad again. I promise you will find a better love than you have for him. I don't mean a better person, a better love. After losing something like love, we appreciate love even more the next time. I say this, not just because of the cliche, but my own experience in life. I'm happy that I could be of some help. I wish you the best in your future.

[lovehel]

Yes my first love of 6 years. I am still nowhere near over it. I know this might sound really stupid, but if I was to send a message like " happy birthday asshole :)' to show I don't take him seriously or something would it just make me look bad? part of me wants to shock him and ruin his birthday

[America1st]

You're cute. Anything you do, nice or not will let him know you are still thinking of him. That feeds the ego either way. Getting revenge might be sweet, but it's also childish and I don't get the sense that you are childish. Be the good person. Do nothing. That fact that you haven't done anything to contact him probably has bothered him. Let that be your payback. The guy is not who you thought he was and, in my opinion, you are lucky he left. I know you don't feel that way, but it's the truth. Better after 6 years than 8, 10, etc. I imagine there are times of the day or certain days you think of him more than others. If so, find thing that will take your mind of him immediately. If you think of him and then get wrapped up in the pain and anger, it consumes you even if it's only for 5 or 10 minutes. The less he's on your mind, the quicker you get past this.

[Truthatanycost]

See any problems with these two statements?

''he ended things over text and said good luck with your small life''

''Part of still hopes that we will rekindle what we lost and reconnect in the future''

Why on earth would you want to rekindle something with anyone that labeled your life as small?

Each of us have a purpose in this life, and untold power, and talent. For someone to label your life as small, is an insult to all of that potential.

In fact, being around someone like that could very well ''shrink'' your life and power.

[lovehel]

Thank you for this. This is really empowering.

For some reason his birthday triggered all this sadness and love I still seemed to have for himI was looking back at it like I lost the love of my life, and how terrible it is that I can't even say happy birthday.

I think because the relationship was so controlling and abusive to a degree, and because it all revolved around him I did lose my power, confidence in my self for many years. I am slowly starting to regain that again and it is an uphill battle, but I do want to get to the point where I tap into my talents and purpose, and leave all this sadness over what is gone behind me.

He did shrink my life and power. I stopped going out and having friends because I felt so awful about myself when I was with him, he constantly criticized me, called me an idiot, empty headed, clumsy. So I am trying to get all that out of my head, and get some self confidence in myself again, it is tough

[Truthatanycost]

You're welcome. The birthday triggered nostalgic feelings, and nostalgia often leaves out the negatives. The key is balance. Remember the good, and remember the bad, so that you can learn from it. It's good you decided not to contact him. But if you ever feel this way again, you can write a letter... and then destroy it.

Many confuse the need to release their trapped feelings, with a need to regain contact.

Now that you are no longer being shrunken, now you can grow. You may also want to bear in mind that, anyone that feels the need to make other people feel small, may well be afraid that the other person may become too big, too great, and outgrow them. A quick quite random suggestion, you might want to read a little about mindfulness, see where it takes you.

[GrumpyGoo]

Oh, 'no contact since'.
It means that he hasn't contacted you either.
Plus, the things are bitter between you two.
I would say you should not wish him.
Sure, there are chances that he may be missing you but what if he has found someone else?
Or, what if he gets mad after seeing your message?

[lovehel]

I was wanting to rub salt in his wound if he has one on his birthday and say : happy birthday asshole :). but that would probably make me look bad and him be glad he is not with me? I want to ruin his bday after what he did to me :(

[ChevelleBaby]

No, do not wish him a happy birthday. Move on. It'll be ten times harder to once you don't get the reaction you want from him. So, save yourself the extra pain.

[Janedoe25]

NO!!!
Keep your power. He is expecting you to wish him a happy birthday. Do the opposite of what he expects and that will trigger his interest.

[Janedoe25]

I also think you're at the perfect age to get a rich 35 to 40 something guy that will treat you like gold. They can be hot too if you open your mint to it. Shove it in his face and be catered to by older men...
Like Anal Clooney.

[lovehel]

I never thought of it that way. I definitely think I was going out with someone who has a little mamas boy mentality and I am looking for more of a man, but I am not sure if now is the right time. Where would I find them?

[lovehel]

I didn't wish him anything. I ignored it, on facebook I saw he was liking this girls photo who I think he is dating or having sex with or something, I ended up blocking him.

[Janedoe25]

Online. Hundreds of them.

[rcasper91]

id say it depends. if you two broke up on okay terms (not a huge fight that blew up bigger and yelling and swearing occurred) what could it hurt? as long as the only thing your expecting is to say happy birthday. a few of my ex's have done it in the past on my birthday and although I was a bit surprised to see it. it did make me smile.

[Robsinsf53]

Don't ever text him again. This may come across as rude and insensitive, bu I know what I'm talking bout. My ex and I broke up and two days later she was shacked up with someone else. You dont ever want to see that, so try to move on. Go out with your friends, dont be alone & drink. You can do it. GOOD LUCK!!😊

[Bigprince]

Stop stalking and move on, he's got a new girl, he doesn't want or need your birthday wishes unless you're trying to be the side chick..

[dudeinohio]

see this: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a35497-exes-they-are-ancient-history-why-even-care-or-bother

[Diobrando]

i wouldn't even give him the time of day to messaging him by the way he's been treating you

[lovehel]

I am already hurt by the fact he hasn't reached out to me upto this point after the way he treated me, so a lack of response or bad response or good response might hurt me further?

[Diobrando]

all ready from what you said the relationship ment nothing to him if he just up and left for Italy. also sounds like you would get treated poorly again as he really isn't going out of he's way to contact you for anything is he? but i might be wrong its all up to you i just dont see any point opening up old wounds for hope

[lovehel]

I think the reason I want to send him the text is just to be like yes you hurt me but I am still alive and still a good person regardless? what is this called?

The reality is I am sick to my stomach that the person who caused me such intense pain which I am still going through to this day, was born on this day and am angry how bitter things have gotten because of him, when all I did was love him. In a way I want to use his birthday as a way of saying " f U", here is a text from your ex who has the decency to still be nice after you treated her like dirt, but maybe it would be the opposite and I would seem desperate

[Diobrando]

I've been in your boat once before but wasn't a birthday message it was a happy nye message all i got from it was a big "F off" from the ex that relationship went south for me

[lovehel]

I have this urge to send him a text saying, " happy birthday asshole :)" but that would probably seem really petty and childish

[Diobrando]

it would start something but in saying that its probably only what the asshole deserves nothing but truth :D

[Confused_kitten12]

DONT. text him, you deserve better than that, he may say you have a small life but he has a small brain for leaving a girl like you.

[lovehel]

Thanks that is nice, I ended up blocking him off facebook today because he was liking this girls selfie profile picture who I think he is dating, it felt like a punch in the gut, and I thought why am I doing this to myself, I don't need to see this

[noire15]

If he's made no effort or any type of contact, I wouldn't. I know it's hard. But you shouldn't

[Prince2605]

see. i can understand the pain coz i was dumped too but there is no harm on wishing him. actually it may feel you better coz uh love him... all d best

[Anonymous]

sure... U should wish him... n if u still want to end it... end it up with a good note and not with the bad memories...

[lovehel]

really, I mean I am afraid I will regret it? It has been one of the most painful things going 3 months without contacting him, I am afraid If I do it will f*ck it all up

[Opinion Owner]

tell him... let's end this up on a good note... n have a great life ahead...

[lovehel]

I actually feel like sending him a text saying regardless of the amount of pain you have caused me I am choosing to be the bigger person and wishing you a happy birthday. But I don't want him to get a rise out of my pain, or be the bitter ex?

[Opinion Owner]

yeah u can go ahead with this...

[Pizzalover101]

Nope move on you don't have to hate him just live your own life again

[Afreespirit]

don't.. let it go. u deserve a person who cares and loves you.

[Anonymous]

Sorry it's too long to read, but lf u talk then say it , if u haven't talked since then then don't.

[Cmasterson]

No point, ex's stay in the past!

[ReallyUseless]

I dont think you should do it

[Rosewanda]

I say no, you shouldn't.

[TaRuN69]

Just ruin his birthday

[TaRuN69]

He is happily dating other girl... U also chill n live happily... God bless... cheers🍺🍺

[cutemz]

I would never