Girls, what is the diff between a guy that is a pushover VS a guy that treats you well and is a gentleman?

[Anonymous]

I am just trying to figure out where the line is drawn between being too eager to please the girl and eventually making her walk all over the guy ( the guy being a push over ) and between being kind and well mannered and a gentleman. Can you give examples from your own experience about what did a guy do that made you think you walk all over him or a push over? What should he have done otherwise to be a gentleman or to be attractive to you ?

[Boogaloo]

Hmm, well, this is kinda interesting. I guess the limits you are setting are;

a gentleman v's a rude sorta hard ass guy

and

pushover v's strong confident guy.

Well you have asked - how do you be a gentleman without eventaually becoming a doormat and weak/ pushover.

By asking this you are insinuating you can't be a gentleman who treats his woman very well AND be a strong confident guy at the same time...? On the contrary - I believe it take strength and confidence in a guy to have the courage to be a gentleman and show you are eager to please your woman. I think a weak guy is one who has not the inner strangth to show his woman is important to him. And by doing this you are showing you are confident.

Being a pushover or weak is taking crap from people and not standing up for yourself. Well - you certainly don't have to EVER become this to please someone. AND - any woman who would walk all over the man she loves is not entirely worth pleasing is she? It comes down to respect for your partner and your partner having respect for himself not to let himself be treated like this.

Examples, a guy that doesn't have his own opinion about things would seem to me a pushover, a guy that didn't stand up for something he belived in, a guy that didn't have the strength to show to people how important his woman is to him (being afraid to look weak in this regard suggests to people he IS weak), a guy who doesn't take the initiative or take control of a situation once in a while, a guy who does or says things to be popular or to be a people pleaser, a guy who doesn't stand out from the crowd every once in a a while.

But none of this should be confusued with compromise from time to time, or being a controlling arrogent alpha-male.

Sorry about the long answer - I always go for strong men and I have strong opinions about weak men!

[selfishstars]

It's not necessarily about the things that the person does, it's about their attitude.

A push-over is generally someone who is passive and lacks confidence. They do things because they are desperate (or at least very eager) to make people like them and accept them. Because of this, they may do things they don't want to do because they either aren't very capable of saying no, or because they're willing to compromise their own values/beliefs to please someone else.

A gentleman, on the other hand, does things for someone because he wants to do them. Of course, he still wants to be liked and accepted (that's something that most people want), but his main reason for doing them is simply that he likes the other person and wants to make them happy, or he may simply believe that it's a guy's role to, say, hold the door for a girl or give her his jacket if she's cold and doesn't really have a motive behind that.

People will likely try to take advantage of both types of people's kindness. The difference is that a gentleman is assertive enough to say no if he doesn't want to do something, and the confidence to leave someone who doesn't appreciate the things they do or who tries to take advantage of them. A girl cannot "walk all over you" unless you let her.

[TheDarkNoodle]

Guy or girl I want them to feel able to be honest about their opinion and stand up for it at least a little. It's equality. If a guy is nice and gentlemanly that is all well and good but if he can't express his opinion I wouldn't want him to be my friend let alone anything else.

Also it gets boring when someone just reflects all your opinions and beliefs back at you rather than being honest.

[Nacole]

Well I was in a situation back about a month ago with several guys. After it was all over I picked the guy that was sweet and sorta a gentlemen not a push over. I am really getting sick of how he is the gentlemen I wish he was like opening doors and picking things up etc... I am thinking about braking up with him because of it.

[Asker]

You are getting sick of him bieng a gentelman ? or you wish he was more of a gentelman?

[i_love_women]

I think girls like when you stand up for what you think is right...even if it isnt. if you ALWAYS agree with what they say..theyll treat you like they own u..and I have heard they really don't want that..i think as long as you treat them with respect.. they won't consider you a push over.

[Boogaloo]

Spot on

[Nacole]

Because his is not enough of a gentlemen

[Anonymous]

Just don't let your girlfriend make all the decisions or tell you what to think. As long as you can think for yourself and remain an individual mind she will respect you for it and know you are not a pushover. It just means you are doing nice things for her because you want to - not because you are being told to. Big difference