How do I handle a passive, reserved guy?

This guy I like is passive, laid-back, reserved at first but once he opens up, he can talk for HOURS. I wouldn't say he's shy but he could come across as shy since he's the quiet, observant type that prefers to be invisible. He's actually a great guy and he's really funny but unless you give him a chance to open up, you'll never know.

I'm the complete opposite. I'm loud, fun, outgoing, sassy, confident, strong, assertive, sarcastic, I can talk for hours too.

Him and I have become close friends since January. He's hard to read sometimes but I noticed some signs of interests from him. So I boldly told him one day that I liked him and I kissed him. He told me he liked me too and was attracted to me but he wasn't ready for a LTR because he was still hurt from his ex (they broke up late last year) so we've stayed friends.

Not sure what to do at this point or how to act or what to say to encourage him that I am not gonna hurt him like his ex did...I can tell that he trusts me and confides in me...we talk daily, him initiating most of it. Parts of me really likes him and wants to wait until he's ready (not like I was looking for love anyway) but the other part of me feels like this passivity is going to ruin things because I'll never know if I'm moving in the right direction or any direction for that matter. Any ideas?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It seems like he's grown too comfortable with you and your relationship as it currently stands. As long as you continue to fill the same role in his life I'm not sure that he will ever "come around" to wanting to date you. I would suggest you basically give him two options, progress the relationship or lose you as a friend. It's fair to both of you and removes the potentially infinite time spent on your part wondering what is going to happen.

    • I really don't want to lose him at all but I guess you make a good point

What Guys Said 4

  • Sit down, have a talk about doing something casual and if he'd be up for that. Nothing super serious, but since you're both attracted to each other there's no sense in not being somewhere between friend and super-official-mates.

    • I didn't want a FWB situation but I asked anyway out of curiosity and he said he doesn't like casual rel because they never work out. He's the serious type

    • Alright, then stay friends and see if he gets over his ex.

  • I don't blame him. People are liars. The whole world is rotten, especially Christians.

  • I used to be exactly like that. But a few years ago I actually got screwed over by waiting something out like that.

    • Like the guy or me?

    • Show All
    • So you lost the girl because you let the opportunity go by?

    • No I got screwed over by the girl because I waited.

What Girls Said 2

  • First I would like to say, opposites do attract and I think you two sound like you could complete each other. Shy guys are the best! Although you shouldn't confuse that with thinking it means they don't wanna fool around, they do. Give him time, build up the pressure and then, when you think he's ready...take control. I hope things work out for you.

  • why don't you ask him out, initiate?

    • Lol did you not read the story....I kissed him and told him I liked him. I practically spoon fed him and he's not ready for more....

    • Well a lot of guys out there don't mind, love aggressive women, it takes the pressure of their shoulders, even Gerard Butler and Robert Pattinson admitted that

    • I understand u, but at this point me continuing to pressure him will only force him to make a move and I don't think I should have to force anyone to want to be with me. I just want to know if there are any signs that I am moving in the right direction, tis all