Guys do you get scared when a girl tells you just how much they like you?

[Anonymous]

I'm scared that if I tell my boyfriend just how much he means to me I'll scare him off.

I've told him I love him and he's told me back.

But my feelings are so strong for him, I'm scared of losing him. Should I tell him or not, or will it scare him off.

Please help if you can :) xx

Tell him

Don't tell him

I want to see the answers

Updates

+1 y

Maybe the word scared was the wrong word, as people are taking it the wrong way.


I just want to make sure I won't be making a mistake by telling him how I feel.

Updates

+1 y

Thank you all for all your comments and help. I spoke to my boyfriend on Saturday and told him how I felt about him and he told me he felt the same for me. He also thought it was stupid I was so worried about it but could understand why. Everything is fab

[GoodManDave]

I think it's more important to SHOW him how you feel. And I don't mean sex. I mean... it's the little things that can show him how you feel more than talking about it. It's holding hands; calling him up to wish him a good day; planning dinner and a movie; putting your head on his shoulder. He's sick, and you come by with some soup; it's done by being somewhat consistent. And not by stalking him. Not by being needy or clingy.

See, talking about how much we like a girl can be a good thing (on occasion), as guys, we're traditionally more likely to keep things to ourselves, not outwardly show much emotion, and some are not good at talking about feelings (or even being truly aware of those emotions); and how we show our love may be different. It can feel more special to the girl if a guy is opening up. Even then, if you're not at a stage where you can do this, then don't.

For example, if you were to "barf out all those emotions" at him during your first coffee date, you should expect him to run the other way (he's smart to run if you do!). If you've been dating for 2 weeks, it's still not the right time.

Being too outward to early is going to confuse you worse, and it may end up hurting much worse. In my impression, it's best to think about these for a long time and decide if they're genuine, or if they're just "in the moment 'infatuation' honeymoon feelings." I think it's better to wait four months before saying I love you then saying "I love you more than a thousand suns, dearest babycakes shmoopy poopsy sugar buns" and a week later, you are broken up because of something else, and you're regretting saying it.

I know many friends who live in these really "passionate" relationships; where they move in together after a week; and they write love poetry, and call each other deeply affectionate names - then they have really bad breakups that emotionally destroy each other; and there's lots of drama - then a week later, they're on to a new guy, (or guys with a girl) and they're doing the same thing. They don't learn anything; It seems fake. Hollow. Yeah, it's passionate. it feels deeper at the moment. It feels "honest" - But too deep to early sets you up for more pain, in my opinion.

When I say I love someone... I want to be sure of it. Granted, I suppose that as a guy, the good ones tend to be concerned about saying what we feel, as it could be used against us later (breaking up: But you said you loved me!) (If you love me as much as you say you do, you'd buy me a unicorn! - you must not really love me! You're just manipulative!)

If I were you, I'd wait to be sure instead of risking it "for the moment." Instead, I would hold hands; or do something the other likes to do, just to spend time with them.

If you've been dating for a year, and you both are on the same wavelength (yes, the only way to tell is by talking about it AND showing it... but not by blurting things out); and someone is about to propose, then go right ahead.

[blufrenzy93]

Good answer :]

[Asker]

Thank you for this. This is a very good answer :)

[Wassup]

Exactly what I was gonna say

[toulouse]

So after 3 years do you think she should say something? - she hasn't (my friend)

[GoodManDave]

@Toulouse; It depends on where the relationship is at the moment. If you're "platonic friends" and you want it to become more romantic, blurting out a deep and profound love and admitting to being interested from the start is probably not best. It can seem as if you're "manipulative." Instead, you say something short & simple. Now if you've been dating for three years, and exclusively, and it's not an "all the time" kind of thing, then yes, you have more leeway to be more flowery and romantic.

[Miss_All_Time_Low]

Could you have written it any more excellently? :O

Thanks for the advice ... I think I'll use it myself.

[imaboy]

I don't like being told I'm loved I will know if they do or not. You should be subtle about it to see what his comfort level is, how receptive or appreciative of compliments he is. You could start by telling him you'd find it sweet if he would buy you a candy bar, if he says, "really?" and takes you you know what to do. When you do tell him how you feel be there in person, make him anticipate, be alone with him and look at him, have his full attention while you are both sitting down, not making food or waiting for something to happen, a good moment. You can look in his eyes depending on how comfortable you are its fine to look away as well. "Can I ask you something? How would it make you feel if I told you what I think about something that's important to me?" Its something good, its a compliment, something I like about you, tell him he makes you feel special, you're happy around him and be very description. go to link and spend some time looking for words you like such as happy or pleasant. Find the synonyms to those words and tell him.

Only do this if you know him and you're both open, he shows interest, calls and spends time with you... You should know when its right. Don't give more of yourself than he gives you. You'll find that its unwanted, either he feels like he's not good enough, he'll think you're too interested in him or concerned about what he feels or you're just weird. Some people don't care for compliements though everyone cares to know what tohers think about them.

Why are you scared of losing him? Maybe you're easy to please and he's not as special as you think or he doesn't care for you as much as you'd like him to? Its an idea since you were brief and I'd like you to consider it though he may love you ju as much. I'd suggest not telling him you love him unless you know he likes it or he tells you first. He can hear it in your voice, see in your face how you feel. The way you treat him...

[Asker]

Thanks for this. Its a good answer

[Tigerlily]

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but where I come from (actually no, but I just like that phrase =P) if you're going to use the word 'love' you have to mean it. Love is a strong thing. In my opinion, you can have really strong feelings for someone and still not love them. I guess the way I look at it is, if they died tomorrow, how much would you care? How different would your life be? It sounds harsh, but there are some people in my life I'd be sad for but I'd get over it pretty quickly. Others I'd cry for. Others I'd miss forever. Those are the people I love - the ones who really make my life what it is and always strive to make it better, as I try to do for them.

If you've told him you love him, do you actually love him? Does he actually love you? I don't mean to make you paranoid - but my point is, if you both love each other, then why on earth would it scare him off to tell him how you feel!? A lot of people say 'I love you' as this weird little phrase, like some kind of relationship marker or stage - like your first weekend away or meeting the parents or something else people tend to think of as things you 'just do' in a relationship. But you can't 'just do' love. It's a feeling and the blessing/curse or being a human being is that we have no control over that.

'I love you' is a subject, verb and object. It involves 2 people and an intensely overwhelming feeling in between. It's caring about someone, wanting to make them happy, putting them first, wanting to be with them, feeling sad if they are, and (there it is) knowing that without them your life would be very different, in a vastly unpreferable way. 'I love you' is not a 3-word phrase, or shouldn't be anyway. If you've said that you love him, you've already told him how you feel. All that's left to do is show it.

But I'm harping on about my own romantic ideals and the fact is you may well be in a place where you don't feel he quite means it or perhaps you didn't feel all of that implied when you/he said it... or something. In which case, you have a choice:

If you think everything is fine the way it is, and you don't feel the need to tell him what you feel, and if you can really have faith in the fact that he knows what you mean to him and you can deal with however he feels, then you can stay quiet.

If you think there's something missing, and you really feel the need to tell him what you feel, and if you can really have faith in the fact that he knows what you mean to him and you can deal with however he feels, then you can speak up.

See? Not so different really. If you're brave, then remember that if he gets scared off, he might not be in the right place to do all that right now, or he might just be a jerk, in which case, move on and find someone better. If you're like a lot of us (myself included): I get it. It's a scary thing, to put yourself out there. But in the end, you're missing out if you don't.

Good luck whatever you do!

[gonaners16]

I love mine more than anything in the world =)

I've recently been having nightmares though. They don't happen every night but when they do dream him dumps and ignores me and nothing I do gets him to come back. And then I tell him about them a bit and he makes me feel better... but when I wake up from them I'm really shaky. urgh. love hurts? or maybe it's really knowing that what you have is amazing, and fearing losing it that hurts.

[Asker]

I get where your coming from :)

[CuddlyCarla]

Honestly, if a man isn't ready to hear that you really like him or if you scare him away, he's not the guy for you. The right person will hear you out and be happy they are the apple of your eye. Provided that you've waited a decent amount of time to decide if you really like him and have given the situation time to evolve, don't ever feel you shouldn't tell someone what you really think.

[Asker]

Thank you for this :)

[Iamrighturwrong]

Does he look lovingly at you ever? Does he look you right in the eye and say sweet things to you? When he is touching you like say rubbing an arm or a leg does he take his time just observing your body and enjoying you? If you said yes then guess what? He loves you and would overjoyed that you feel the same way, now you do not have to freak him out to let him know this, just tell him by starting out small: "You know I couldn't see myself with someone else, it would feel weird ya know?" see how he reacts, if it is positive reaction follow up with something like: "How would you feel if I was gone or far away?" again it should be easy to tell how he feels, it does not have to be word for word wait...you already say I love you to one another? How much more is there?

[Asker]

Thank you, I got a lot from that and I know what you mean about saying I love you but I suppose I just want him to know I meant and how much he means to me. Its soppy I know but hay :)

[Olya363]

I liked reading this :)

[Brando]

I notice that a lot of girls have the desire to express their emotions and feelings. So with something that has the possibility of affecting you like that, I think you should tell him. Nothing bad should come out of doing so. Just like your first kiss, holding hands, etc...this seems like another step for you two.

But I will give a warning: refrain from mentioning some kinds of long term commitment like marriage, or just generally talking about "the future". Guys don't mind commitment, we like it the pretty much the same as girls. But mentioning it seems to make us consider our independence, which is something else we value. Like I said, we'll be in it for the long term, just don't mention anything about "taming" us. It's weird, I know, but it makes us scared.

[Asker]

Thank you, I will take and use your advice :)

[Phoenix52]

If this happened to me:

My girlfriend: "I love you"

My response: "What ... I didn't hear that well, say it slower"

Girlfriend's response: "I ... love ...y" (I make out with her)

[Asker]

Lol, right OK thanks for that :)

[Phoenix52]

Two idiots thumbs this down... I don't know why.

[Asker]

I don't know, it didn't bother me at all. Made me laugh and I'd be quite happy if my boyfriend made out with me, not that he doesn't anyway seeing as after all he is my boyfriend :)

[Chiv86]

I think if he feels the same he will be relieved to hear how you feel and how much you like him.

But all guys are different. Some enjoy hearing that stuff, and some might get worked up over it.

Maybe just slowly tell him some of the things you like about him here and there and see how he replies and comments back on that. Chances are if he has something to say back about you for everything you say about him he likes you just as much, and is maybe afraid to just come out and tell you everything as well.

[Asker]

Thank you :)

[Chaaz]

If I were some guy and I wasn't that much into a girl, I would get scared of some freaky girl who was so UBER attached to me that she would do crazy things if I dumped her... So try not to give off that freaky vibe.

Depends what you mean by HOW MUCH he means to you. would you go all Alecia Silverstone in that movie "The Crush?" (ur probably too young to have seen that)

I think you should ascertain how much he loves you back BEFORE you confess your DEEP crush-like desires for him.

And generally, my advice don't get too attached.

[unn0129]

I'd just say "i'd like to talk to you about something that's important to me and it involves the way I feel about you emotionally."

any intelligent, nice guy that cares about a female friend will be understanding and accepting, though he may not feel the same way.

[Asker]

Thank you, its useful advice :)

[jtsimram]

I would say tell him. Sometimes girls can be hard to read for guys. I know I have trouble, and sometimes its just easier if we know what your thinking or how you feel. We don't have to wonder then. But yes actions do help a lot, but if you really do love him, you won't have to worry about that, because I am sure you treat him great. I wish you luck.

[Asker]

Thank you very much :)

[Maestr077]

I think you should tell him now, because you'll end up saying sooner or later. If that scares him off - which I honestly doubt - it will hurt you less now than later when you'll be even more attached to him.

Just make sure your guy as the space and freedom he needs, don't ever try to chain him.

[Asker]

Thank you for that and I would never chain him. The one thing I will always give him is his space and freedom.

[Phantom_operator]

He knows you love him, you told him. Instead of telling him "how much you love him or how strong your feelings are" just do it by actions, afterall, they speak much louder than words. I have had a girl tell me she loved me before and well, she did nothing by her actions to even express it. Good luck.

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice. I'll be sure to show him :)

[KERMlT]

So how does a woman show someone she loves him? We hear about how much they love him but show us. You see movies where the guy finds the lost book she had when she was a kid, arranges her to get married in a building before it is demolished, drops 1k to switch tickets with someone to get on the same plane and sing to her on the overhead, etc. etc.

[Asker]

Thank you :)

[AkilJoseph]

Ok here the thing.My ex girlfriend and I use to talk on the phone or sit and tell each other in this way.

Me: I love you so much,that I die when am not around you.

Her: I love you so much it hurts.

Me: I love you so much that I'd rather die than stay away from you.

Her: I love you so much that if you die tonight I'd bring you back to life.

Try these,like sit down and say you going to exchange your love and appreciation for each other in words and see how it works.

[luvlylady]

Tell him .. it will keep the communication open between the two of you and help grow your relationship.

if he really does love you he will take your feelings in consideration and talk to you about them and it will not scare him off.

[Asker]

Thank you very much, that's good advice :)

[Anonymous]

I think you should tell him, I just don't think it should be constant. It should be a rare thing, so when it's said, it's special. There may be times you really need to say it, and it will be most effective. SHOW that you love him... words are just words...

[Asker]

Thanks for this, I understand what Your saying :)

[AllyAnaBell]

I get where you are coming from. I told my ex I loved him all the time, he told me he loved me all the time in return. I also told him he was the best thing that ever happened to me, and he dumped me in a pretty messed up way.

I'm just saying...

[Asker]

Thanks, I feel slightly worried now

[AllyAnaBell]

He didn't dump me because of what I said...but I wouldn't rush into saying that stuff. Make sure you really mean it. I wouldn't tell him if you have been dating for under a year...but if you have been dating steadily for more than a year (plus) than maybe tell him gradually.

[Asker]

Ok well thank you for the advice :)

[CubanRaftRider]

I really think its nice to have a girl tell me that she likes me.

If you think that you will scare him away by telling him how you truly feel then would it even be worth being in a relationship with a guy that gets scared when you open up to him?

[Asker]

Thanks you :)

[CubanRaftRider]

You're welcome. I hope that helped.

[Asker]

You did help thank you :)

[funkadelic5]

If you have a boyfriend where telling him your true feelings would be a mistake, then he's not the man for you.

[CatEyes]

Wow! I'm dealing with the exact same thing! I really do care about this guy, and he told me he loves me...But I'm still so afraid that if I tell him how much I feel that I need him in my life he'll decide he doesn't need me as much...Thanks for asking this question, it really helped me as well! xoxo

[Asker]

Oh well I'm glad, I hope everything works out for you :)

[mattiee]

well firstly it depends on how long you guys are going out for

and is your boyfriend the more romantic loving guy/or not really show emotion much guy

also do you guys hang out alot?

[Asker]

Thanks, these are questions to think about and luckily questions I can answer so thanks :)

[anynymoooooose]

Tell him. But before you do... why are you worried it will scare him off? How long have you guys been dating?

[Asker]

We've been dating for 4 months, soon to be 5. I'm worried because I worry about things I care about and I don't want to lose him. It sounds stupid I know but that's me.

[anynymoooooose]

If you are worried about how he might react, try not making it sound like you expect a commitment as a result of how you feel. Just say "I have really liked being with you. you're great. sometimes I can't believe it." or something like that, talk about your experience and what's on your mind, but don't make it too direct, at least at first. if he responds, jump in lol

[anynymoooooose]

Also, whatever you plan to say is probably not going to work out perfectly, you might just blurt everything out lol. that's cool too :) no sweat.

[Asker]

Well thank you very much for your advice

[anynymoooooose]

Ok, I guess what I meant was phrase your feelings as though they were compliments.

[darkknight1x]

I wouldn't be scared if a woman I liked said she loved me. It would be a miracle if that ever happened.

[Asker]

Ok thanks and don't be so harsh on yourself :)