Did she withdraw because she's scared of getting hurt?

I recently started seeing somebody about a month ago. Almost instantly we really vibed and got along EXTREMELY well. We got very close in the matter of two weeks... we let each other in pretty deep. She's confided quite a bit about herself to me, things she hasn't discussed with many people she's known for years... then she would say " I don't know why I'm telling you all this, I normally never talk about these things... but I feel so close and comfortable with you."... and I have let her in on a lot about me as well. I know she's been hurt before, and she also seems to have a lot of self esteem issues, mostly because of how she's been hurt. I call her beautiful, she says she doesn't see it. She would tell me randomly that she's not damaged goods, and I would tell her I never thought she was. After talking about past relationships, she once told me "if you get tired of things with me, just tell me... please, just tell me." I tell her it wouldn't happen, and she would still say the same thing. After the first time we had sex, she said it again.

I did things to make her smile many many times, just to see her smile. We always had a wonderful time with each other, always laughing and smiling. I always gave her space when she needed it, and sometimes she would come over after studying very late, just to see me even if only for a short while. Bottom line, I never messed up, and things were always so wonderful... I know, a lot for two weeks, but still... if its there, its there.

After about 2 weeks, I made one SMALL mistake, first thing I did wrong, and sent a text message which was meant as a joke. After reading it I felt bad, like I may have offended just a little bit... it sounds a lot worse than it was, and a few girls that I have gotten advice about this from, one who knows us both very well, say it was NOT THAT BAD at all, but she blew it way out of proportion. She stayed mad at me for a few days. I was told by all I got advice from that she was looking for something to be mad about as a reason to step back...

We have talked since, and she says she is not mad at me anymore, and understands it was not meant to offend, but still says it was wrong to say. I agreed, and that particular matter has been squashed. However she says she has no business being involved with anyone at the moment with 2 jobs and school. I agree, it is a lot to have on a plate, but I have the deeper feeling she has withdrawn because of being scared of getting hurt.

Am I right? What do I do? I have stayed away, but I can't stop thinking about her, and I wonder if she thinks of me too... will she get past her fears? Don't know what to do, or how to feel right now... any questions just ask, I'll tell more if needed... just confused as hell right now...


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm going to give you a different perspective; although I can see your text as being harmless and funny, I can also see her taking it to the next level of feeling like she's "not in control".

    I've been in the same situation as her; I had so much on my plate with work, school, and here comes this really great guy...unfortunately, that meant "more stress" (good or bad, either way, just another "stressor" in life).

    I've also been on the other end where I texted a guy after having made arrangements that he would come over after he got off work. I texted "You better call, haha". I mean, I was just joking (!) and I'm kind of sassy anyways but he took it the wrong way...sometimes texts don't always translate well until you really, really know the other person. Now, from my text, can you see how someone could see that as a "command" (like yours) and feel turned off?

    So, on one hand, she really does need to "lighten up" but on the other, she may need the space/time to realize that having you in her life will be more a positive aspect than just "one more thing" on her plate.

    And, I'm pretty sure she thinks of you, too. People don't often forget the ones they can confide things to. If you want, maybe send her some flowers to brighten her day (?).

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      I see where you're coming from, and that's why I felt I may have offended when I read it after I sent it. I was told by a friend we both know very well that she over-reacted on purpose as a reason to be mad and step back... using the whole "being angry" to justify her actions of backing off. Its not what she told the friend, its just what the friend felt was happening, and it makes sense.

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      Actually she saw me online a little while ago and we chatted for a bit... told her I was thinkin about comin up and having a couple, and she gave me the smiley face... I even offered to bring her something to eat and she said if she's hungry shed love for me to do so... so no worries lol...

      You never know when you're walking on egg shells heh...

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      True (eggshell part) but at some point, she'll need to step up, too, and realize there's room for improvement/growth. Have fun!