Saying I Love You?
I been dating a guy for six months and things are going great. We spend a lot of time together and are really close, we are both graduate students in the same program. I have brought the topic up about a month ago and he told me that he is taking things slow and that if I say "I Love You" to not expect to hear the same. I don't know what to do because I do love him and I feel like six months is a long time and that maybe he will never say it. I know if things are going well why mess that up but I don't want to be left with a broken heart, having waited and let my feelings grow more for someone who doesn't feel the same. So is 6 months too long? Should I wait?
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
Six months for some people is a long time yes, however for some it's just not long enough.
I know after six months it's not as if he'd be throwing those words around, but some people cherish those words an unbelievable amount more than others would. Statistically speaking, you are at the point in a relationship where this problems reaches its peak occurance. And I realize that that is no consolation to you, but it is more common than you might think.
If it's a huge deal for you (and you have every right to feel that way) than you should probably talk to him again about how you feel, explaining that it is important to you and maybe wondering if he thinks he'll ever feel that way about you. That question I'm not going to tell you to ask him because for all I know you may not want to know - in case he says no. But he does need to realize that it is important to you, that it is something you're looking for in a relationship (I'm under that assumption).
He was gracious enough to warn you at first, that you might not hear it back, but depending on how long ago that talk was, you may want to have another one.
What Guys Said 4
I'm a guy and I just came out of a relationship of 6.5 years. I can understand not wanting to say "I love you" to soon. It meant a lot to me in the last relationship and after 6.5 years the love I thought was there wasn't. I was blind.
So after 6.5 years I was burned by someone who I truly loved. And after that amount of time it's hard to believe that I could possibly love someone new in only 6 months.
I think joecollege raises a good question about prior relationships. Keep in mind that he could have been burned before (as most people have). Also, and this is a possibility more than a suggestion about this guy [since we responders know little about him], bear in mind that many people use "I love you" as some kind of excuse for terrible behavior that could end a relationship they neither truly value nor want to lose. An abusive parent or significant other is not impossible; many people use the word love in a manipulative manner.
If things are otherwise well, particularly if the relationship is affectionate and warm, then I would suspect that there is a deeper meaning or an absolute value he places on this.
Setting aside the possibility that he just isn't that into you for a moment, I can't help but notice that you're writing about an interesting emotional tie-up of his, but only expressing thought or concern for your own feelings. Reciprocity is important in a relationship, it's vital, but sometimes one partner has to give more than the other for a while. I feel like maybe you want to get more than you give and that this tendency may be part of your problem, especially if he does have a scar from the past.
If things are going great, he is treating you right and he says he wants to take things slow, you should respect that. Did the guy get hurt before when he admitted he loved someone too fast? Do his actions say he loves you? I think he definitely suspects you love him, but he doesn't want to hurt you. Ask him if he ever thinks he'll feel that way. See what he says. He is not ready to fall in love right now, and may need time. But once he has time your answer will be clear. Stay postive, but keep your eyes open about all possibilities.
What Girls Said 1
I can totally understand your boyfriend. I was hurt so badly in my last relationship that I literally never want to hear the words "I love you" again. Those words make me sick. I've been dating my new guy for about 2 months, and I adore him, but even when we have 6 months behind us, I don't think I could say it then, even if I really do feel it. I think I would only say it to a guy I will marry. I prefer for a guy to show he loves me then to just be tossing the words around. I hate it when a guy just says I love you because he thinks/knows it what's you want to hear, that's stupid.
Not to be rude or anything but I think you shouldn't bring up the topic of "Do you love me?" "I want you to love me" or "do you see yourself loving me in the future?" I just think it makes you look needy. If you really did feel that way you should just be honest and say it, not "bring up the topic" and hope he says it first. There are other ways to show/say "I Love you" without this cliche. I tell my new bf he's "my home," when I'm with him I feel like that's where I belong and that's where my heart it. I know this may sound mushy to some but I think he understands what I mean.
I think you have to love yourself before you love someone else. But since you sincerely do feel this you you need to say it. Maybe if he heard you say it he would realize that you're not afraid of your feelings and you know what you want. Tell him, and say that you don't want him to say it back unless he really feels it too. Say you're not just saying it because "it's the next step" in your relationship, but because you just don't want to hold in how much you really do care about him. So... to your question "should I wait?" Baby- there's no timeline on love