When I was growing up, I had always freely discussed how I felt (I wasn't big on the whole playing games thing). But when I did say how I felt ("I think your cute and I'd like to date you") I was either made fun of ("Haha I always thought you were gay! Wow how weird huh?").. Or I was friendzoned ("You know, you should ask her to the dance. To be honest ArtistBBoy, you are more of a friend to me and I don't see this going anywhere, but I'd still like to be your friend")..
So after years and years of establishing that: Speaking about my feelings has two negative outcomes.. I never took the time to realize the positive outcomes because I was always worrying: "Worry worry worry worry"...
What I recently came across is a shocking concept: Why do men like being more than friends.
- If you think about it, friends are stuck at being friends.. maybe best friends.. but you can't exactly waltz up to your friend who's the opposite sex and say: "HEY! Let's go to europe!" when you live in another continent.. your gonna get a bewildered look that shouts: "Uhh wtf are you saying?" because it's so off-the-charts and not typical..
-- BUT if you were exclusive to each other, it could go several ways: You could become boyfriend/girlfriend, fiances, husband/wife, etc and it's not as awkward to say: "Hey hun, wanna take a trip next month?" .. The negative feelings of being rejected are completely removed from the scenario because it's replaced with feelings of excitement and adventure.. etc
So as you can see, it's not because we're desperate but because we have been trained that expressing those feelings would prevent us from experiencing the wonderful aspects of relationships.
If he really is afraid to show his feelings it is a learned response from past relationships. I have seen boys get whacked across the head for crying by their mothers and fathers because they didn't think boys should cry. Also women we date often see emotion in men, as a weakness. Otherwise he may just be expressing his feelings differently. Is he protective of his loved ones? Does he show respect to the people he cares about? If so, he is already showing his feelings.
Really, desperate usually doesn't have anything to do with it. Personally, I'm a very unemotive guy. A smile is about the extent of my shown emotion. Laughs are usually little more than a slight chuckle, I haven't cried (or felt like crying) in at least 7 years, and I can go up to (and through) an orgasm without budging a muscle on my face. It's just how I am.
I sometimes show feelings when they're positive (laughing, smiling, etc.). Stuff like depression, sadness, anger, etc., I don't show because quite frankly, nobody wants to hear about it. I have my own problems, and I'll deal with them myself. That's about it.
Break that believing that men and women are from different planet, and get to know him. Every day you have a chance to find out something new about him. Use that, and you’ll have a better relationship which gets even better as days go by.
And remember, you must focus on how he thinks, instead of how you think. That is a common mistake that girls do when they try to solve some problem with their man. Be aware the signals you are sending to him.
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that and some guys have hard time articulating what they feel. Its not easy for them and I think most of them see "expressing your feelings" as a way of complaining and by that, they do not want come off as weak. but I can't speak for all men, some are great at expressing themselves emotionally and have had great relationships that encourage them to do so but some those men become afraid because of bad experiences.