At age 41 being single never married and no kids ? Feels like I have been sentenced to life alone!!

Hey Ladies is it a turn off for a guy that is 41 and single to ask you out?

Why is it every time I ask a woman out under say 38 they say I am too old!

What if I want Kids and a Family ..I do like younger women say 21 and up!

I may should just accept that I will be alone and God Willing I won't live to be a lonely old man!

Is it wrong for me to want a younger woman?

or should I just accept that I am Single for a reason? Please no rude comments!

Hey thanks everyone...I guess I waited too long in life...I will just give up and be alone...I don't want to be thought of as a weird pervert!
As the Holiday season approaches I see all the couples and all the kids and realize what I have missed out on in life...It saddens me...Thanks for the support but I realize this will be year 42 of being single and it sucks!


Most Helpful Girl

  • My boyfriend is 8 years older than me...i know that's not much different, but it is quite a gap...& don't give up.

    You won't be alone. I thot having a kid with a douche bag would turn all guys off...but I found the one...unexpectedly & in my own backyard, so to speak. He's my mom's best friend's son! haha.

    Whatever you do though, don't lower your standards!

    Good luck!

    • Thanks...I am trying to stay positive...but I feel like my clock is ticking and my time running out!!

    • That's what my boyfriend feels like...he's 27, almost 28 & he thot he wouldn't be able to find someone....but that's how I felt too when I had my son.

      Don't'll find someone...just don't know how old she'll be lol!

    • I get it ...LOL...I would like a younger woman..I am a young 41...I should have listened to my friends 5 years ago when that would have been acceptable to date everyone tells me forget having kids..I don't want to accept that

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What Girls Said 49

  • You have posted on here multiple times on being in your 40's and still single. The men I have met who are still single in their 40's, though they will deny it, want to be single. They simply are not interested in what it takes to be part of a couple. They are often out of touch with the things they do that make it very difficult for them to be married, much less have children.

    Being in a relationship is not for everyone, though I think the desire to have a partner is very high. But, if you are someone who is rigid, or has difficulty expressing emotions, or cannot really understand another person's needs, or loses interest in a partner after a short period of time, or any combination of the above, a long-term relationship is unlikely to happen for you. It's not a life sentence, but it is a wake-up call for you to determine and address what is holding you back. Sure, a lot of people simply cannot deal with being critical of themselves, but you can do it if you want.

    As far as young women, if you have not fallen in love with anyone or sustained a long-term relationship, young women and older women will find that a huge warning sign and they have every right too. I wouldn't want to invest time with a guy and start falling in love with someone who is highly unlikely to stay with me. Consider their needs. There is nothing wrong with them not wanting to take a risk on someone toying with their affections.

    So, good luck, the power is in your hands, no one else's, to change your destiny. Take control of your life, don't just complain.

  • I'm not sure why you didn't find a younger woman when you were younger. But now that you are 41, if you're not being successful with younger women, you shouldn't be disregarding women in your own age range. You cannot expect these women to want to date an older man, when you're not willing to date an older woman. Hell not even older, just your age!

    The time to be that picky is over. So you can either be picky and alone (most women do not want to have a new child with a 41 year old), or you can look for companionship. Many women looking for marriage your age probably have children anyway. My mom just got remarried to a guy who is 48. He never had any children, but he sees me as the daughter he never had and acts very much like a father.

    • I understand where you are coming from however I will not settle...I don't want to be alone but I want Kids and a Family....guess everyone was right hit age 40 and its over...I guess I will give up!

    • No one should settle, but you do have to have realistic expectations. You cannot expect a woman who is young enough to have children to want to marry you over a younger man. The odds are slim unless you want a sugar daddy type relationship. It's your choice though. You can still find companionship, but many women will not like the fact that you refuse to date women your own age. Even younger women. I think it's messed up.

    • Very good advice.

  • It's not a bad thing to be in your 40s and single. It's just uncommon. Some women may see this and think to themselves that there may be something missing...asking themselves... "well, why hasn't there been past relationships" "Is he a momma's boy?" "Is he immature?" In all honesty... BUT...You've just got to PROVE to these women that age is just a number, and that you are willing to love, start a family...prove that you're not immature, strong willed, and just a MAN - GRRR! lol... It's definitely not wrong for you to be interested in younger women, but it will be even more difficult to find a younger woman who's interest will match yours. My best advice... DON'T GIVE UP. Never think it's too late to achieve your goals...But also, trying TOO hard is a bad thing. If you give up, you'll come off as negative when it comes to meeting/building new potential relationships since you'll have it stuck in your head that it's impossible...if you try too hard, you'll come off as too desperate, which is usualy not very attractive... just think positive, sit back, and know that you will one day have these things!

  • Dude. Online dating sites. Seriously. You're matched up with people of similar interests, usually local, who are interested in your age group. However, more of your problem might stem from the fact you're poking around a website predominately populated by under 18 year old.

    THAT, my friend, comes off as more than a little creepy.

    • So now that I'm out of college its creepy to be here? The site is for relationship advice, not limited to my-pubes-are-coming-in questions.

  • I'm 22, there's no way I'd date a guy who's 41. I have an Uncle who's in his early 40s, it'd just be weird. You could always meet a single woman closer to your age and adopt. But for me early 30s is too old, early 40s would be enough to make me look at you like my Dad. I wanna go out and have fun...with someone my age who can keep up, not someone who wants to stay home and settle down right away and have kids. Why would I trade in going out and having fun for staying in and changing diapers? That and most girls who are dating guys 20+ years older than them tend to have some serious daddy issues...and other issues as well

    • That was harsh and teetering on rude. This guy is looking for constructive advice. You have no idea what it's like to be at that age and to be single. You''re a 22 year old girl with the whole world in front of u. If you are at least semi good looking at that age you have A LOT of power. It won't last forever so don't condescend other people. BTW aging is usually MUCH harsher on women, so watch your karma. I take it as due justice for all the crap girls got away with when they were younger.

    • Show All
    • @chadwickc2 I hate to break this to you – but you've got it all wrong. Men aged terribly compare to women. By 40, men are usually bald and got a gut whereas myself and other women in our early 40s are still slim and look fantastic. I don't know what planet you're on – but you're the one who is being rude.

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What Guys Said 30

  • Being alone shouldn't automatically make you feel lonely. If you find you're lonely then I'd suggest you do two things...

    1) Learn to like your own company. If you can't stand being with yourself then it might be time to find out why.

    2) Being lonely likely means you want to connect with people... which is what friends and family are for! Reconnect, be social, and you'll find that being single doesn't mean you're destined to feel lonely.

  • "Update: Hey thanks everyone...I guess I waited too long in life...I will just give up and be alone...I don't want to be thought of as a weird pervert!"

    Come on man... you'd rather give up what you want because you're worried someone you don't even know might think you're a pervert? That's really what's going to stop you from meeting the woman of your dreams?

    Besides, a 40 year old dating a 30 year old will NEVER be seen as a pervert. Unless you're chasing 16 year olds you'll be fine.

    ~ Robby

  • Age doesn't matter. Seriously.

    The only thing that matters is the VIBE you create with the girls you're attracted to. If you're bringing a vibe that says, "Hey, you're super young and hot and I totally want to put you on a pedestal because I'm not worthy" then she's going to either be bored, creeped out, or annoyed.

    You won't believe this until you've seen it, but here it is anyways...

    1) Women can FEEL what you're THINKING. If you think your age matters then you'll behave in such a way that communicates to her that you're not entirely comfortable with the age difference, and her body will literally FEEL that insecurity, and it will ultimately push her away.

    You need to find a way to get RIGHT with yourself. If you don't think you're worthy of the attention of a hot young woman, then neither will she. If you don't have a tonne of love and respect for you SELF then why would she?

    2) Being older is an advantage. It gives you experience and wisdom. Respect that about yourself.

    3) Your life style dictates what comes into your life. If your lifestyle keeps you at home, alone, or at home playing poker with buddies, or prevents you from understanding current trends (fashion, news, politics, etc) then you're never going to meet younger women and you're never going to be able to connect with them.

    I'm not saying you need to have a mid-life crisis. Just take some time and read GQ or some other young-man magazine. Try to get a handle on what's current, otherwise you'll only ever connect with women you're own age.

    4) Don't "ask women out." That's too weak. That's too much like seeking approval or asking permission. When you want a woman it's not your job to convince her to like you... it's your job to be so awesome and fun and interesting that she FEELS like she needs to know more about you.

    Don't ask girls out, invite them on adventures.

    Try something like this, "Hey, I planning on checking out this new dessert place I just heard about Wednesday night. Join me!"

    Then invite her out again, and again, etc.

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

    P.S. You seem like a pretty decent dude, but I can already tell from your profile that you're coming across as insecure and uncertain (even if you're not.). For example, "Please no rude comments" is something someone who worries what other think would say. It comes across as insecure. Don't do that.

    Or "A curious guy who wants to enjoy life and make others happy. Please don't prejudge me ..." is the exact same problem. Don't spend your life trying to make others happy... until you've already made yourself happy. You're not responsible for others, only yourself. Trust me on this!

    • Hey bobair. It's been months. Glad to see your still giving up your time and providing the answers to all life?s mysteries. As always, I fully agree.

    • Lol! Thanks dude, I love this place and I love watching guys who struggle with women suddenly really "get it."

      Most guys on here are really decent dudes who just need a nudge in the right direction. I was nudged for years before I opened my eyes and now I'm hoping to help a few fellow men.

  • Keep trying. If they say your too old, you tell yourself they are too immature to want to be with them. What? Make it about them instead? Why not it is still the truth (if it is only due to your age then she is either immature, superficial etc...) and while she was trying to reject you she made you aware you would not want her anyway. Your attitude about it matters. Your opinion of it is the only thing that matters. The wrong attitude and opinion will hold you back.

    Just because you want kids do not discount some of the older ones just a bit younger than you or your age either. It is a bit harder if she is older (it is going to be anyway since you are older), and can expect it to take a bit more time to conceive but think of how much fun you will have in the process of getting her pregnant.

  • Dude you can't be so all or nothing about the situation haha...

    Unless you're some sort of super successful ultra hip modern stud, chances are you're never going to get a 20-something to settle down for the family life with you.

    But for god sakes man, that doesn't mean you should give up and be alone haha!

    We live in the age of the MILF, as crude as it may be to say, there's plenty of hotties in your age range I guarantee it.

    If you were 60 I would probably be telling you to start getting wicked good at shuffle board or something, but you're 41. Get out there.

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