I asked him to hangout, so now did I ruin my chances with him?

[Anonymous]

I have liked this guy for like a year. He seems pretty shy. He shows me that he likes me back, and I figure he is the kind to take things slow. Fine with me...but how slow? If we have been flirting, etc for SEVERAL months, at what point do you expect to move forward?

I sent him a text and asked him to hangout sometime. He didn't reply either way. If he didn't want to, he could have easily said so...being text and all. I know he got the text cause then I didn't see him for a couple days. He usually comes around and says/does something. Thankfully he realized after a few days that I do still exist and comes by, has even went out of his way and walked by where I was and waved, but in any case won't look at me anymore when he is around me, except a quick glance when he thinks I don't see him. I feel rejected now.

Could I have really ruined my chances with this guy just because I asked him to hangout? I just don't understand why he is acting this way. He makes me feel like I did something wrong. Isn't it natural to want to spend time with someone you have liked, especially for a long time?

Has any guy done this, and if the girl just backed off (after that one possible fateful text) did you end up coming around again? I'd hate to think I ruined several months of progress over a text to hangout and talk.

Updates

+1 y

Well, I took a chance and sent a follow-up text explaining myself. In the text I made sure he knows what my intentions were in sending the text, and because I like him. I also apologized if I had offended him. I was trying to have both bases covered.

[Anonymous]

It don't think it would ruin your chance at all if he likes you; which I think he really does. I give you credit for trying I'm in the same situation and its been months but I don't have the guts to ask. The only thing I can think of (in my case) is that he may be attached so he is unavailable to make a move. I don't think you made a mistake at least you will know one way or the other so good for you!

Good luck!

[Asker]

I hope not. I really like this guy. And the only reason why I even felt comfortable asking is cause he acts like he likes me. I am shy, so I don't normally do this. His behavior has confused me though. I guess time will tell. In your case, yeah its hard to know what to do if you think someone may be attached. If you ask him out then, you may make his girlfriend angry, if you find he has one. Maybe someone could find out for you in casual conversation.

[jacki2424]

don't beat yourself up, just play it calm, and wait to see what he does. no I don't think you ruined your chances. just ask him in person if he got your text about dating, and what is his answer.

[Asker]

I guess that is all I can do is wait and see what he does or move on. I wouldn't ask him about the text though. I know he got it, and I don't want to put him on the spot any further than I have. I put it out there about hanging out some time if he wants...so I guess ife he wants, he will let me know at some point. I am only sending one text. Someone told me no response is not necessarily a bad thing. That if he wasn't interested it would be easy to say no. To me, no response was 'no'. :(

[Mytar]

You say he is shy, he seemed to be scared of rejection even before the text, if you want to go out with him, at this point your probably going to have to initiate a stronger setting than just "hanging out" and make it very clear what it is. He is interested if he is going out of his way just to be able to steal a quick glance at you. He never answered the text because he wants to hang out so he cannot say no, but he wants more then just hanging out and the text increased his fear of rejection.

[Asker]

Makes sense based on how he is acting. We are shy even with people around, so I figured maybe we just aren't ready for 'just you and me' yet. Thanks!

[Asker]

I guessd I am not sure how the text increases his gear of rejection, if I am actually suggesting wanting to do something with him. It would seem that should confirm even more that I like him.

[Mytar]

Look at it from this way of thinking about it.

You are shy and insecure (going so slow). You want to go out with a guy, he asks you to just hang out. What do you think? Is that all he wants to do is hang out and that is it? Yeah, that must be all he wants.

I cannot be positive that is what is going on in his head, but the way he is acting I am almost positive you need to bump it up and just ask him out on a date directly to have any chance of moving forward.

[Asker]

If it were me, I would have replied and said 'sounds good...any ideas?' or I would have said 'sure, wanna grab a bite to eat somewhere then?'. I'd be thrilled to finally be able to spend some quality time with him getting to know him better. He already knows I like him, just like I am pretty positive he likes me, which is why I even felt comfortable sending the text in the first place, which is unlike me otherwise. But then he didn't reply (kick in gut). I guess he at least didn't say 'no'.