Tired of being just 'that really nice guy' ..what's wrong?
Hi all, I'm a 25yr old male and I'm finding myself in a situation which is slowly becoming a major problem in my life. Its definitely nothing new, and I'm sure that all of you have been trough it several times, although maybe not for this long.
Basically for the past 6 years or so, I've never managed to get into a 'relationship' that lasted for more than a couple of weeks (if you can call that a relationship!) And in all cases I was the one getting 'dumped'. I've been out with many girls during this time and its always the same story: we date and spend a week or two together and then, one fine day she tells me that we better stop there, that I'm a really nice guy but that we can only be friends. Its always like that.
Now of course I know that these are things that happen often to everyone but this situation has repeated itself for so many times that I'm starting to think there must be something wrong with me! But what's wrong? .I mean, I'm physically an average-looking guy, I've got a good job, I do my best to be both a gentleman and fun with my date. In fact the time spent together is normally very intense and fun! I just cannot understand why nobody seems to have any feelings towards me other than friendship !.and it is true that I'm still good friends with most of these girls I've been with. That is what is really killing me. I honestly do my best to get into a lasting relationship but for some reason I just cannot!. All these rejections are the cause of my self esteem really dropping hard and that is making it more difficult for me to give my best to a girl, its like I'm always afraid that at some random instant she'll just dump me for no apparent reason!
Has anyone been in a similar situation for this long? any suggestions? what can I do? thanks.
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Most Helpful Opinion
Yep, been there done that. But I think you said it yourself: 'i do my best to be both a gentleman and fun with my date." Unfortunately for the so called nice guys, that sometimes comes out as being clingy, having no spine, and who knows what else. You have to know how to build the mystery as to who you are, and you have to know what is it that women want; yes, that sounds like a cliche, but women want that bad boy type of guy; many will deny it, but then you come to the daily occurrence of, 'how come all the jerks get all the women?"
I used to be just like you.was very polite on my dates, tried to do things which I thought were fun, and well, that never ever got me anywhere; fortunately for me, as I have said in my posts, that did make me bitter,and next thing I know, out of pure pissyness, I started developing an attitude with women.
Lo and behold, next thing I know, women were after me. At the time I wasn't sure what was going on, but now there is a lot material on the subject (you tube videos and tv series), I finally understood what happened to me back then; unfortunately, I didn't have the material that exists now, but I did my best back then.
Either way man, I have given specific detailed advice to a couple of losers on this board, and because they are losers, they didn't get what my message was. So all I can tell you is, you need to learn how to be a bad boy, and once you understand what it takes to be one, then you will see how women will start worshipping you. The key to your problem is learning what is it that makes women tick, and how do you use that to your advantage. And with all the material out there, this shouldn't be a problem for you.
What Girls Said 1
Yes I have a very similar issue. Am nice girl but assertive, I look after myself, have good job, good social life etc and happy smiley person, confident. But yeah like yourself after so many failed first dates with different guys and now cannot get even a first date, my self esteem is taking a knock. Am questioning myself, asking myself what is wrong with me etc
I don't have a solution for you (unfortunately), just a friendly sympathetic ear/shoulder.
What Guys Said 2
Wow , I'm exactly like you, its actually scary how you described yourself its just like me and you live the same life except its been 5 years for me. I got so much evidence,and advice from people that I'm gonna start acting like a jerk/bad boy towards women. I seen it with my own eyes and it works. But if I does work I'm have as much fun as I can with the ladies then when I'm older ill be myself and find the right woman. But I'm try something new that's what I'm doing.The Nice guy isn't doin it for me or my self esteem. But so crazy that your so much like me I thought I was alone. good luck man.
You answered your own question in your question. You said that you are looking to get into a long lasting relationship. That never happens when you're looking for it. Women in their 20's are not looking for that from the outset. Especially from a guy that is willing to give it to them.
I know what you mean. When I was in high school and college I was the same way. I even asked a girl out one night and she said no she wan't ready for a relationship, then the next day she had some dude's picture plastered all over her myspace talking about he was her new boyfriend. It didn't even take a day.
Women have it easy because we men just want a beautiful woman. There really isn't to much to it. However women don't want just a man. They want a certain type of image of a man. For example, every guy will always say, "Yeah man I found this hot chick that I totally want to get with". But women will say, "Oh my god I found this hot football player/thug/fireman/cop/lawyer/doctor/etc." It doesn't matter how they look, it's who they are.
Quite frankly, you just sound like every other guy out there. Nice, got a job, decent looking. There's nothing for a girl to show off about you. And that's what young girls want to do. Why do you think girls in their 20's have those bulshit ass myspace and facebook pages with millions of pictures of their boyfriends? Because they're show offs. Why do you think grown ass women walk around holding hands with their men like they are in middle school still? Show offs.
So my advice is to stop looking for a lasting relationship. It's impossible to find. No woman is looking for it. They automatically assume it's going to happen after they have their fun first. You also need to find an image for yourself that detaches you from that nice guy with a job look. Nice doesn't attract women. It only keeps them once you already have them. Forget to call her a couple times. If she does something stupid, let her know. Ask her if the girl across the restaurant is hot. Give her some challenges to become your girl. Don't just take her for face value. Make her prove herself to you. She's most likely doing the same back to you.