My boyfriend is a lot of fun and we get on really well, but he can be really selfish and inconsiderate.
For example, yesterday he asked me to cook for him and I agreed. He said he would be back late from work and asked if I would still be okay to cook if he didn't get in till 8.30pm. I said OK I would still cook for him as it would have been a long day for him. I said I'd make something special and texted him to say I had bought all the ingredients half way through the day. Later that day, he texts me to say he is going to be home a lot later than 8.30. He wasn't sure when, he had decided to go for a beer with his work mates. He said don't bother cooking, just get something for yourself. I said, Well now I will need to go back to the supermarket to buy something less special for myself (as I didn't see the point in wasting expensive ingredients when I was the only one eating it) and he said 'Oh'. He still didn't think maybe he should ditch the work mates and come home as we had originally agreed. When he got back I told him I was unhappy that I felt he wasted my time (making me shop twice) and should have just said if he was going to be going out later and I'd have just done something by myself that evening, and I wouldn't have been waiting around on him - but he just went off on one, about how he's "always wrong" and sarcastically kept saying "so sorry if you thought I was being inconsiderate". This always happens. This is just one example. I feel taken advantage of because normally I just do what he wants. I have spoken to him about it before and he says he's just selfish and he can't change that. He says that even thinking to offer me a drink when he gets one is a big gesture for him as he doesn't really want to bother. All I want from him is to see things from my perspective sometimes... realize that I have a life too and that I don't want to be waiting around on him all the time. When I say this, he just says "this is the way I am. I've always been selfish" so I think he is just refusing to change. Maybe he can't change.
I'm not really sure what to do... I could just ignore this keeps happening and just try not to get wound up but it makes me feel unimportant to him. If he genuinely had something important to do, like he was having to work late, or there was some sort of unexpected emergency, then obviously this would be different. But he always stands me up because he's decided to go drinking or because he got a call from someone to do something else. It seems such a shame as we get on so well at other times, but we argue a lot over these 'selfish' acts. I don't want to give up on him. I love him, but I need to feel respected. Perhaps I'm overreacting. Its just... it's not an isolated incident. Something similar happens at least once a week and I'm getting tired of it now.
For example, yesterday he asked me to cook for him and I agreed. He said he would be back late from work and asked if I would still be okay to cook if he didn't get in till 8.30pm. I said OK I would still cook for him as it would have been a long day for him. I said I'd make something special and texted him to say I had bought all the ingredients half way through the day. Later that day, he texts me to say he is going to be home a lot later than 8.30. He wasn't sure when, he had decided to go for a beer with his work mates. He said don't bother cooking, just get something for yourself. I said, Well now I will need to go back to the supermarket to buy something less special for myself (as I didn't see the point in wasting expensive ingredients when I was the only one eating it) and he said 'Oh'. He still didn't think maybe he should ditch the work mates and come home as we had originally agreed. When he got back I told him I was unhappy that I felt he wasted my time (making me shop twice) and should have just said if he was going to be going out later and I'd have just done something by myself that evening, and I wouldn't have been waiting around on him - but he just went off on one, about how he's "always wrong" and sarcastically kept saying "so sorry if you thought I was being inconsiderate". This always happens. This is just one example. I feel taken advantage of because normally I just do what he wants. I have spoken to him about it before and he says he's just selfish and he can't change that. He says that even thinking to offer me a drink when he gets one is a big gesture for him as he doesn't really want to bother. All I want from him is to see things from my perspective sometimes... realize that I have a life too and that I don't want to be waiting around on him all the time. When I say this, he just says "this is the way I am. I've always been selfish" so I think he is just refusing to change. Maybe he can't change.
I'm not really sure what to do... I could just ignore this keeps happening and just try not to get wound up but it makes me feel unimportant to him. If he genuinely had something important to do, like he was having to work late, or there was some sort of unexpected emergency, then obviously this would be different. But he always stands me up because he's decided to go drinking or because he got a call from someone to do something else. It seems such a shame as we get on so well at other times, but we argue a lot over these 'selfish' acts. I don't want to give up on him. I love him, but I need to feel respected. Perhaps I'm overreacting. Its just... it's not an isolated incident. Something similar happens at least once a week and I'm getting tired of it now.
Most Helpful Opinions