Why are girls attracted to assholes?

It seems like all the guys who are the stereotypical jackass, self centered, doouchebags get all the girls. It just blows my mind when I see couples, where I know the guy is probably a totally ass to her. There are plenty of nice guys out there. Why do girls always want to take the badass over the nice guy?


Most Helpful Girl

  • its not between nice and asshole guys really. Because I can tell you that my ex boyfriend was a 'nice' guy and turned out to be as just as much of an arse as the guys he thought were assholes. And why? because when he started to get more attention, and realise the 'potential' other girls out there he could get, he got on an ego trip.

    I and most girls, want a guy that knows he likes her and not any other girl. No matter how much girls throw themselves at him!. Its not whether he is a 'nice' guy or not. It's hard to tell if a guy is worth it, no matter what type of guy he is.

    With asshole guys its easy to tell, but asshole guys can act nice too, and nice guys can act like assholes.

    Eventually you'll find the right girl for you, and she'll like you for who you are, and it will be because she likes you for you AND the fact your nice. .Like a few people said. it takes a while to find the right guy, and generally the asshole guys are the more confident ones that actually approach the girl, so of course she does end up with a lot of assholes at first. (it is probably more obvious to the more sincere guys than the girl, because yes we do tend to fall easily once we've been won over). These guys do make it hard for ALL guys because we lose trust for all guys and not just the bad ones.

    We learn to realise to keep away from the bad ones, but its hard to tell which are the sincere ones since all bad ones can act sincere. In the end the truly nice guy will end up with the upper hand anyway, they may have to work harder for the trust of the girl. But you will get all the worthwhile girls, if you truly are a nice guy and really like her.

    • Also I thought I would add that I have the problem of finding nice guys!.... I don't let myself go for the 'asshole' guys, so I've only ever had one serious bf, and I have to be patient. But eventually I'll find that right 'nice' guy, and I'm happy to wait, but it sux that I have to put up with all the assholes in between. I hate having to constantly try and work out if a guy is worth it, and liking someone only to realise he's just another 'asshole'. Maybe it is all about finding the 'right one'

    • I agree I've had 2 find out the hard way an sometimes that just messis it up for the good guys

What Girls Said 20

  • I think it's the confidence that these guys show. It's unfortunate, but there are smart beautiful girls that don't date that type of guy. Also, usually the nice guy is not aggresive, take control type of guy. Women are attracted to guys who make them feel safe and are not still trying to figure it out. Unfortunately, nice guys are also logical and not very spontaneous.

    You will find the type of woman that matches you.just keep looking, we are not all idiots looking for bad-asses. There are some of us that like confident nice guys. For reference try 'Beauty and the Geek.' The women still chose the geeks that were jerks over the geeks that were nice. It's the confidence.

    • I'm afraid this seems to mean that putting on a "swag" is more important than being a decent, caring human being!

  • usually assholes are really confident.

    not cocky, but confident.

    they are so sure of themselves, and everything they can do, it attracts girls.

    now, I'm not saying every confident person is a jackass, but that's what girls are attracted to.


    be sure of yourself, tell yourself in your head that you're hot, that you just as good as anyone else out there, and bingo: girls will surely fall for you in time. :)

  • i think most women takes time 2 figure out the real personality of their bfs but since they'r sensitive beings they get attached and fall in love very easly .so by the time she figuires out that he's an ass as you said it's 2 late 4 her cz she already had fallen 4 him

    but that doesn't mean that all women does that.some break up as soon as she gets that bad vibe of him

  • I'm not! AT ALL!

    Never have been attracted to someone like that and never will.

    I've always liked really really shy guys, perhaps because they're the same as me.

    • You sound like someone who would choose love carefully and wisely instead of "falling" into it like a foolish, childish fake adult. You must be a REAL adult! Unlike many others, YOU do not make a mockery of good men who choose to be kind and care about others.

  • well I think its because all girls are attracted to those kinda guys because they are very confident with who they are.and girls like to chase after guys sometimes.they don't just want to have a guy be right there and be the sweetest person ever. she wants a challenge. someone that she can try and change into a total sweetheart. or sometimes, the nice guys can acutally be very nice to their girlfriends.just it might not show as much when they are in public.

    i hope I was at least a little bit helpful! :]

  • To be honest if I had chose between a nice guy or an asshole I'd pick the nice one. Because I wouldn't like how the other guy treats me. I want a guy who cares me and wants to be with me. Not someone who's jackass, self centered, doouchebags toward me. I hope help you.

  • Well,

    A lot of girls think that badasses are sexy. The bossiness, the rude attitude, The controling. It's just what a lot of girls like! I personally have liked that type, but never again. Because in the end, the smart girls learn-those guys are nothing but trouble. So, in the end, the nice guys win.

    • Being last choice after a woman has screwed a line of bad boys isn't really winning anything!

  • i would really like to know the answer to that too, cos this guy I'm kinda with now is sucjch a dickhead sometimes, but at other times he is really sweet and nice. so I do get annoyed, but when I think of him being nice and when he is, its ok.

    i know myself it sounds so ridiculous, but I really like him, I know if I didn't like him so much I so wouldn't be with him and I never let anyone else treat me like that, so I really don't know either lol

    • "Treat a man as he appears to be and you make him worse. But treat him as he could be and

      you make him what he should be" - Goethe

    • Thats something to think about, thanks

  • Why are guys attracted to selfish, skanky bitches?

  • well, I don't know I've never looked at it this way. how can a girl know that a guy is not good for her and its well known that any guy interested in a girl he won't show the bad side of his personality so she thinks he is nice and ends up with a broking heart. they don't intend to be attracted to them it just kinda happens you know!

  • I just love the thrill and excitement of a bad boy...like they're so mysterious, dangerous, unpredictable, and rough around the edges...I find that extremely sexy

    I know they're bad for me, but I'll figure it out eventually that they always f*ck up everything that's able to be f*cked up...

    Good guys are usually so boring and soft...they're kinda girly, to me...and the only chick I can stand and handle is myself...haha

  • maybe for the guys its an ego thing? for the girls it may be because they want a guy in control. for the guys might be there way of saying HEY bitch. I wear the pants in this relationship and ain't no bitch gonna tell me otherwise lol. maybe some chicks like that. maybe its a phase all girls go through wanting the bad guys. I know I do/did not sure right now. but I wouldn't let him talk to me that way cus beleive me I wear the pants in my relationships lmao. they can act like hard asses all they want.

  • just because girls like those badasses that "dont play by the rules", they like their confidence and the way they carry themselves. I honestly don't know why a girl would stay with a guy like that I would understand why she would want to be with one.

  • I have never gone for that kind of guy! I always go for the sweet ones! It may just be the type of girls that you are thinking of that like that kind of guy

  • well girls don't really know the guys an ass when they first get with them. I would know from first hand experience, I dated an ass hole. those guys don't act like thir REAL selves at first so the girl will fall in love with them then when the guy treats her like shit she just puts up with it because she loves him and thinks hell change. in the long run the girl will realize that he wasnt the right guy and try to go for nice guys but they don't always know.

  • it's probably cos they're good looking. and good looking guys . are assholes. haha. cos they know they can get a lot of girls. pft. and tend to think they can have it ALL. and plus, badasses are much more interesting than nice guys.

  • There are several reasons why girls fall for bad guys. The first is that the nice guy will alway be there for her, and girl like the chase of getting a guy, if there's a jerk the chase is always there because you always know that you don't Completly have him. also girls like to think that they can Change a guy and they think that they can make him be nicer, so there is always that struggle and they won't completly have him. because no one like the nice guy who is a pushover. Girls like a guy that can stand up for himself as well as you and they no that they will feel safe around him. They like the feeling they they have the guy that other people kind of Respect, or at least are scared of.

  • im always more attracted to the asshole badass guy over the nice guy. and I don't know kno why. a lot of my friends are like this too. for some reason we just go for the badass who we kno will treat us bad, instead of the nice guy who will be the perfect boyfriend. I've thought about this before and there's just something about the badass, he's mysterious and confidant, which is super sexy. and he keeps us busy because he always keeps us on our toes. the bad guy challanges us and makes us think.

  • we confuse arrogance with confidence. Sometimes we get vibes from guys to stay away from, and sometimes we don't and end up dating the bad boys. The fact that they are intense and spontaneous is what draws our attention. It can't be helped. Also, soem girls learn and other don't.


What Guys Said 16

  • girls love to wonder. they like knowing they have a guy who can have any girl, but the one they choose to be with is them. If a guy makes the girl the center of the universe, they get bored. I use to ignore attention from other girls because I respected my ex. You would think that she would have appreciated that, but she didn't. Because I showed no interest in other women she began to think I wasnt that great of a guy. She was more attracted to the guy who flirted with all the girls. why? because he gave them ALL attention. Well he must be the perfect guy then. right? wrong. because once she has him she tries to change him. she tries to get him to stop flirting with all the other girls. If he does stop flirting and only focuses on her she will get bored and the process will begin again.

    So what's the secret. if you want to know send me a private message.

  • Tell me about it. I totally know what you are talking about bro I wonder the same thing all the time.

  • Yea I have to agree with the backbone thing because think about it. Would you want to be with a girl who did everything you said and agreed with you on everything? No of course not. Most guys want a girl that is smart,opinionated,funny,pretty, and independent well at least I do. I'm pretty sure I have been called an asshole more than any1. Hell sometimes at work instead of writing my name on the schedule it says asshole.lol I've never been called self centered but I get called conceited all the time o well.Thats just me sarcastic arrogant asshole but I can't think of an1 that I have actually met that actually didn't like me. And its not like I walk around making fun of people for something like not being popular.

  • Girls are attracted to confidence.

    to be overly general:

    Nice+confidence=attractive, probably secured in a relationship (not many available)

    Asshole+confidence=attractive (many available, since they can't keep a relationship)

    Nice+shy=complaining about assholes with confidence & not getting the girls

    Asshole+shy=cutting himself in his basement

    These categories are more of a gradient, but I hope you get the idea.

    You are conflating assholes with confidence. Just continue being nice, and aim for more confidence. Don't worry about the asshole guys in relationships, because it won't last, and/or they won't be happy for long, and if a woman isn't smart enough to appreciate niceness, you probably don't want her either. Good luck!

  • I used to be a nice guy who wondered why stereotypical jackass, self centered, doouchebags got all the girls

    Now I know the truth:

    Many of the guys I thought were stereotypical jackass, self centered, doouchebags were not jackasses, self-centered or douchebags. Girls usually don't like outright jerks. But girls do like guys with backbone who know what they want in life.

    Trouble is, nice guys are too busy being nice. "Nice" can mean "passive, insecure and shy." Nice guys like that put their own needs and desires on the back burner. Self-centered jackasses put their desires front and center, and girls respond to that kind of drive in life. Passive and shy guys tend to think that only a jerk would put their needs first. Wrong. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover.

    Being a nice guy with a backbone and a sense of humor will get you girls just as quick as being a jerk will.

    • This is speculations, but if you looked at it from an evolutionary standpoint, You want the guy that is going to be able to protect you. If a guys is a confident ass**** he may have more ability to make a decision in a dangerous situation.

  • How many more guys are going to ask this same question? Ok look here we go again, women are attracted to confidence and yes cockiness. Nice guys are not confident they don't know what they are doing, the jerks and players know what's up, that's why they get the girls, dude you really don't have to be a complete jackass to get a girlfriend I promise you that, but you can't be a wuss, you have to take initiative, you have to be in control.

    Don't be afraid of the girl, don't think oh no I am going to hurt her feelings if I say something that she doesn't agree with, what you do is this playfully make fun of her, for example if she says something like oh my cousin is so mean to me, he hits me and and scratches me, instead of going oh that's so sad why would anyone want to do something like that to such a beautiful girl, do you want me to go talk to him for you so he will respect women? Hell no man say something like well maybe if you weren't so mean to him he wouldn't be mean to you, you probably deserved it. Her reaction will be your so mean to me why are you so mean? Keep running with that man, and that's what you want you don't want her to go awww your so sweet any girl will be happy to get a guy like you, no no and hell no you want her to be like your a jerk trust me, as long as you don't make fun of her as in calling her fat or something like that she will think man this guy is not afraid to say anything bad about me.

    To sum this up remember back in elementry when you used to throw things at girls call them names? There you go right there that's how it is in dating, give them names, make fun of them playfully, freaking throw pieces of paper at them if your at a resturant, be in control at all times of your emtions and your surroundings. The guy needs to make the decisons on what to do they want that trust me they do women don't like to make decsions. STOP being so damn nice to women they are not made of glass, they won't break trust me.

  • they just are attracted to jerks. I am a nice guy who is just a few days away from getting my dream girl to let me take her out again. today her friend asked me to get her flowers for her bday so that is a good sign and I think that should give you hope. granted I am 27 so I think that you have to be patient and what I have learned from this experience is just by being a gentleman to a woman while not showing her that you like her will get her attention over time. do nice things for others around her and be a gentleman too cause women seem to pick up on that. I think that it is also about your confidence and not being clingy or jealous to give her the space that she wants. after time women do get tired of the jerks but I think unfortunately the nice guys have to wait longer to find the right woman.

  • I feel your pain bro, and I am a nice guy as well, so I know ehre your comming from. might want to take a peek at my articles when you get a chance.

    when women are young and before they wise up, they crave adventure, and sadly, its the asshole that gives off the vibe. once a woman has been burned, and she wakes up and realizes she needs a nice guy for stability, but by then, she has so much emotional baggage, the nice guys want nothing to do with her crap.

    and the end result? assholes are dangerous, nice guys won't touch her because she has baggage.and SHE comes to the conclusion that "all men are pigs!"

    why? she chose to ingnore the shy nice guy in the corner when she still had something of value to offer.

  • Same reasons why hot girls that are bitches are getting all the hot guys.


    Nice is Boooooooring! Give me a challenge!

  • if a gril thinks of you as a nice guy, all you are is a friend to her. the asshole is something the wants to know more about. its a risk. there will always be something unexpected. he has confidense, and shit like that. pretty much no a days you have to be a little arrgont and cocky.

  • i know I'm gonna get negative props for this lol but f*** it, girls are stupid in a way they think a guy that has confidence will treat them right and be a gentlemen and what not, only thing is guys like that are rare to find nowdays its either the assholes (finish first) or nice guys (finish last) I would put myself in between because I have that attitude but I'm not the total dick either

  • Not all girls , but some of them They think he's cute and adorable , then he start treating them like crap or sleeping with them and dumb them next day , after all those girls will say theirs no nice/decent guys ?

    Hello you prefer the asshole than the good one who care about you with one who don't call you unless he know there's a benefit .

  • Because girls wanna live life on the bad side..and the bad guys just bring it out of them...it hot and sexy in girls heads! and nice guys are dorky and weird to them!

  • Girls who go for assholes usually have poor self-esteem, lack confidence, and are very a dependent personality. Sometimes their relationships with their fathers' can predict the quality of relationship that the girl is going for. A poor relationship with a father=possibly one failed relationship after another with an ahole boyfriend. Same goes for guys who are the assholes because of their lacking of quality relationship with their mother. A good mother will provide their son with the compassion that needs to be shown to women who are willing to be receptive of such. The ahole boyfriend is usually 'cocky' because he is compensating for areas of insecurity about himself. If you ever see a girl with an ahole dude, be happy that is not you!

  • My heart goes out to all the truly intelligent women that are forced to live down the dubious, yet undeniable female reputation that "girls are attracted to assholes"! This phenomenon makes it almost impossible to take women seriously as genuine adults! And even worse, the female jerk-loving attraction phenomenon serves to literally REWARD EVIL MEN!

    Obviously, women don't wish to be seen as sex-object-rewards! But that is part of the role nature forces on them! Male scum in form of psychopaths, murderers, drug dealers, gangsters, robbers, cut-throats and assorted rogues qualify as "attractive" "assholes" to many jerk-loving females! And so, EVIL IS REWARDED! No wonder so many men today are evil!

    Jerk-loving females can't open their legs fast enough in their mad hormone driven rush to reward the male scum of the earth with their bodies! And kind, gentle, decent men are ignored! God help us all!

  • Survival of the fittest, long ago assholes had control of more resources and women by displaying power.

    • Having the ability to fight and win battles has nothing to do with being an asshole. In a dating context, we are just talking about pushy loud-moth guys who don't have to really back it up! Just having a big mouth is not a display of real power. And with modern weapons, being the fittest is no longer based on physical strength. A man with a gun can easily kill an unarmed man whether he is fit, asshole or anything else!