Guys, what would you do to prove that you were trustworthy?

[Anonymous]

i'm having some trust issues with my boyfriend. he has cheated on me twice before when he was drunk and kept it a secret because he regretted it (obviously he told me eventually) and then he started hanging out with other women 1 on 1. they would go to dinner and the movies and even to women's houses, basically dating them, but he said that nothing ever happened. as far as I know he has stopped doing this, he doesn't even talk to them anymore (so he says), but I can't help but feel insecure about it all. he is very loving towards me now, we hit a rough patch there for a while though, obviously.

i really love him, but can't seem to trust him right now. would I be in the wrong to ask him to show me and prove that I can trust him again? he tells me that he loves me and that he's sorry, but what else could he do? I hate not trusting him like I used to, but I'm so afraid of being made a fool again.

guys, what would you do to prove that you were trustworthy? besides the obvious "not sleep with/date other women"

Updates

+1 y

thanks guys, for all your comments and ideas. I talked with my boyfriend and explained how I feel. he seems to understand. he agreed to get a new phone # but he still wants to drink, but said if I think he's had enough, then he would stop. it's a start.

[cuzig0rflyy]

We all know that his being drunk had nothing to do with his infidelity. You have a big heart to take him back after all of that shenanigans. But I'm not quite so sure it was the best decision. I won't be like every other person and say once a cheater always a cheater. because that isn't true. Sometimes shit happens, feelings rush in and out and confuse the person. But in your boyfriends case, he was aware of what he was doing and him holding it from you for a period of time just shows it didn't effect him like it would a normal person with morals. I cheated once, a girl I was seeing before me and my girlfriend started dating came over to say hi and see the kitten we both took care of. we ended up making out, and I told my gf. That is just kissing, your man did a lot more then that. Without trust, a relationship really isn't anything but being friends that care for eachother.

How would I prove I am trustworthy? There is nothing a person can just go out and do and BAM trust developed. It is something that needs time. If you feel he isn't being trustworthy, here's a little test you can give him:

Talk to a girlfriend of yours that he knows nothing about. Have her make sure that they are ahnging out somehow at a party or whatever, and then have her hardcore flirt with him, talk to him, and get all the juicy details out of her on what he said or did. Good luck.

[Asker]

That's sounds a little deceitful, but I know what you're getting at. it just sounds like if I want to trust him, then why would I proceed with actions that clearly state that I don't trust him. I just don't think I could do something like that and keep a clear conscience, but thank you for your ideas and input, sometimes you just need an outsiders opinion on a situation :)

[Hunterboyz]

A cheater is a cheater.

They have to want to change.

The way you can tell if he'll cheat again is if he drinks again.

You know what that has lead to. He knows what that lead to.

If he drinks again, it shows disregard to him trying to regain your trust.

After all he did though, for you to take him back, I can tell you love him.

He was dating other females while you were together.

You truly played the fool, but to move on with him requires you to forgive what he did.

You would be ruining yours and his life to move on with this in your heart.

Trust is everything in a relationship. Without it you have nothing.

Your not wrong to ask for him to prove it. You'd be wrong to forget about it.

Thats something you really have to talk to him about.

There are many ways to prove his trustworthiness.

No drinking, spending more time together, change number.

Thats the start, the rest is actions.

Good Luck

Sincerely,

A Loving Black Man

[AJtogo]

You become an open book to your partner. There is nothing going on in your life that can't be asked about by your partner. You accept phone calls at any time and place to assure him/her that you are where you said you would be and are with who you said you would be with.

Basically, your privacy disappears. Emails and web-browsing are open to scutiny and nothing is off limits. AND, you don't mind doing it. A person who is trustworthy to another has nothing going on in their life that needs to be hidden from their partner.

[Asker]

Thank you :)

[temptationfalls]

I'm actually in his situation (except way toned down). I'll go out to movies or hang out with girls one on one but whenever I do, I constantly text my girlfriend about every hour or so just saying what we're doing. Unless we're in a movie of course. I tell her that she's always welcome to call me and check up on me and just say hi. This has been going on for about a few months and she hasn't called once so I assume she feels safe and trusts me when I'm out with other girls. Also, I try to only do this with girls I've known for at least half a year. The first time I hang out with the girl I always bring a friend the first few times or My girlfriend will come along and I'll have the girl bring one of her friends.

[Atomizer]

As I see it, you're asking the wrong question. Your question should be "Why am I still dating a guy who cheated on me twice?"

If you can't trust someone to be faithful, I don't think you should date them. Period. He's cheated twice. Once I could (possibly) understand forgiving. When he cheated twice, that proves it's a pattern of behavior for him.

He violated your trust. He betrayed you. You have every right to distrust him, and I think it's foolish to trust someone who's cheated on you twice. And if he apologizes but continues to do the same things, then his apologies are worthless. A genuine apology includes striving to change behavior.

[stevoboy]

Well I cheated on my girl about a year ago and she still don't fully 100% trust me. I mean we are getting closer to 100% but not quite there yet. But anyways a couple of things that I did to help her trust me were things like letting her use and check my cell whenever she wanted to. Giving her the password to my myspace, calling her throught the day to tell her that I love her, and I make sure that I am home with her every night before 12 cause nothing really good can happen when your out with your friends past midnight. Anyways hope this helped

[Asker]

You do make a very good point, nothing good can happen after midnight (friends there or not). thank you for your ideas :)

[Anonymous]

I keep wondering why people believe that "I was drunk" BS you see it all the time people saying they were drunk and that is why this or that happened well I hate to tell people this but its not a good excuse I have known guys that got completely drunk tell girls to F*** off because they wanted to be faithful to their girlfriend and she wasn't even there. Everyone that drinks knows their limits from experience (their friends have the pictures and video to prove it lol never pass out first) so they should know when enough is enough. He cheated on you twice leave him and find someone else and if they drink make sure they know their limits

[Asker]

Once you fall in love with some one, it just isn't that easy to leve them. I'm sorry if it upsets you to hear that, but it's the truth.

[Opinion Owner]

Not upset about it but there are limits if he loved you as much he would be willing to quit but I see he said he would stop when you said it was enough so its a start. The cheating is what pisses me off it is uncalled for and disrespectful to you. My ex cheated on me and I left her because of it. So just be careful and Good Luck

[Asker]

Thank you. I do agree that it's uncalled for. we had hit a rocky area in our relationship to begin with, but instead of being an adult about it he went out drinking and you know the rest. I know that should be unforgivable, but I'd like to believe him when he says he's sorry, I'm just having some difficulty with the trust part. I know it sounds naive, but I do still really love him and all I want is for us to be happy. I've even told him not to be with me if he is not happy with our relationship

[Hunterboyz]

That sounds cool, I guess.

But remember, just as he should know his limits with drinking, you should know your tolerance for foolishness.

You know the old saying, trick me once, shame on you. Trick me twice, shame on me.

Well I don't know what they say about the third time.

I guess 3 strikes and your out? I don't know, but you be careful, and take no indication as small.

Good Luck

Sincerely,

A Loving Black Man

[Asker]

Thank you so much, and I am treading cautiously for now and we'll just have to see where we end up.

[Talbot]

Most people think Trick me once, shame on you. Trick me twice, shame on me, Trick me three times, its what I deserve.

[Asker]

I don't believe I deserve to be hurt again, I don't even think I deserved it the first time, and it probably is foolish of me to try again with him, but I want to believe that he is sincere. we've been together for a very long time (over 3 yrs) and I can't even fantasize about being with someone else (not even an actor or something as common as that, just for example) I do know others who have gone through the same thing (and they're even married) so sometimes people really do just make mistakes

[Hunterboyz]

Thank you Talbot...

I couldn't think of it...

But yeah, that's love for you...

You can't be afraid to fall...

I really do wish you Good luck...

Sincerely,

A Loving Black Man