I just simply don't understand why no girl seems interested in me. What the heck is wrong? Am I dying alone?

[Anonymous]

I am nearly 18 years old and never been in a relationship. I am told I have good looks (not movies star but I'm not ugly anyway), a calm and kind personality, and am very intelligent. My grades are excellent and I am hoping to work for NASA or Boeing in the future (I already have been contacted by a few aerospace colleges that offer apprenticeships). I am a closeted nerd, I say this because I play sports and do other typical things. In fact many people are surprised when they find out I am on the honor roll because they never knew I was smart. With this, I know girls can't think that I am nerdy.

Whenever I am in a group of friends talking and a girl comes by, they will always choose to talk to someone else over me. It makes me really jealous when a girl starts talking, play-slapping, and laughing with my best friend while I stand there in silence. I keep thinking, "maybe she will acknowledge me" and then she ends the conversation and leaves saying bye to my friend and nothing to me.

I thought maybe I am intimidating. I hit puberty really early (had to start shaving in 6th grade) and am rather tall and large. I am not fat, but I am rather broad shouldered. My wrist bone is nearly twice the size of my friend's. So do girls get scared to talk to me? I have been called a gentle giant though, so I don't see why that would be the case.

In terms of personality, I guess you could call me the shy type. I don't talk much unless I know someone VERY well. I try to look at any conflict from both sides of an argument and try remaining unbiased. I am a cool (cool as in calm not cool as in 'cool man') person and don't have many temper surges.

Once word got around that I was smart I have been asked to help people any time there is a problem with an assignment or project. The only conversation I have ever had with a girl my age has involved numbers or the periodic table of elements... not exactly what I hoped for.

I just simply don't understand why no girl seems interested in me. I realize the guy is supposed to make the move, but I have seen guys much shyer than me get approached by women. What makes me different? I have never seen any indication of a girl showing any interest in me. No sneak looks from across the room, no subtle flirting, no hugs (which are apparently really common in high school), no mention of my name, no friends saying "she's really into you", nothing. Every time I visit my family downstate they ask "so... do you have a girlfriend yet?" I always have to say "no". My own dad thinks I am gay. As time passes, being alone and having the realization that I have always been and can potentially always be alone beats on my mind. Its getting too distracting for my own good. Every time I approach women they act like I am bothering them... so I am at a loss.

What is wrong with me if I am athletic, not ugly, and intelligent? What makes me different?

[zombiefood]

Alright, first off, if you sound this urgent and desperate when talking to a woman she will automatically feel intimidated and uncomfortable. When you approach someone act calm and cool, talk to her, introduce yourself, keep the conversation to general topics, likes, dislikes, what's going on in the class, movies. Let her see that you're down to earth and approachable and nice.

If you go into it talking about dates or how good she looks and such then she'll get freaked out and want to leave, simple as that.

Second take some time to yourself. You don't need a girl to live, in fact with such a good education and such a girlfriend shouldn't be your priority. You need to keep your grades up if you want to get as far as you plan. But you do want one, we all want someone to be with, it can't be helped, so try and learn how to balance finding a girl and doing your work. That goes hand in hand with not seeming too desperate. So step back, recenter yourself, regroup and just hang out.

Also, you're 18, it can't be but at most a year until you're in college, right? A year isn't that long and college is very different with a lot more girls and a lot more opportunities to meet different and interesting and unique people. Trust me, even if you don't get a girlfriend in high school you'll get some interested girls in college, it's a whole different environment and such.

So overall just take a step back, try to make buddies, friends, acquaintances and such, don't jump into trying to find a girlfriend. I know you said you were shy but you can't expect a girl to approach you if you won't approach a girl, just like in every other situation. If you won't do something you can't then expect every one else to do it instead. Pluck up your courage and just talk to someone.

[Asker]

The only time I ever sound desperate is during anonymous internet postings. I never say any of this aloud. But people I know never approach women and are always getting approached... Why does that happen?

[zombiefood]

Well you don't know what vibe you give off, you don't know how people see you. Who knows, try approaching people yourself. That's the only solution. Talk to people. If you're really worried ask one of the girls who your friends know.

[Asker]

Alright, thanks for your input.

[cdndc]

You pretty much described me, I'm not even joking, I can relate to EVERYTHING (except the career choice :P)

anyway, don't let it get to you. The more you think about it, the more it will bother you. You're only 17, you still have years to meet a girl like you.

People act the same way around me, and I'm pretty sure it's because I'm shy. It's very hard to tell that I'm doing it but because I'm shy, I get scared when talking to others so they get this feeling that you're telling them to back off. You just have to try to be more outgoing and treat everyone with a smile :) Honestly, I've been doing this and more people are talking to me.

It has to do with self esteem, if you think people don't like you, you give them that vibe that makes them think "Gosh, this guy doesn't look like he wants to talk to me..."

All in all, the big problem is self esteem. I had a guy that was giving me signals and I blew it because I was too scared to do anything.

So first, stop thinking about relationships.

Stop thinking about how people think of you.

Start getting to know others (start by asking questions like homework help or something)

Once you do this, you are more than likely to get close to a girl, and it will be much easier for you then.

Just relax! :) :)

[JustinX9]

we are the same bro but i'm older than you i'm 22 and software engineer by profession. i dont know what to advice to you, i think i gave up on girls and began to lose interest although i still acknowledge woman's beauty and charms... but girls are simply not attracted to me so i think that is something i can't do something about it... i wish i could help you bro but i think i'm in a worse situation than you

[ConfusedLoveSeeking]

You're exactly my type, so... marry me! <3 ___<3