Why would a guy act nervous around a girl?

[Mystique01]

Okay, I'm trying to figure out why this guy (friend/acquaintance) STILL acts weird/nervous/shy around me!

Okay, long story short, I did like this guy friend of mine 2 years ago. I have never really known how he feels about me, but I think he pretty much sensed that I liked him. Well, turns out that he likes another girl, and they're REALLY close, so I ended up trying to keep my distance. But he has never really let me keep my distance.

-He'll call/text me out of the blue some days to invite me places

-I'll catch him staring at me SOMETIMES from across the room

-If he's near me and talking to someone else, he'll be facing in my direction

-He'll get jealous/or get quiet or moody if another guy is talking/flirting with me

BUT! Sometimes I just sense this general uneasiness around him! Like he won't be able to be completely himself! Our interactions are weird.nervous/shy. I'm wondering if maybe he's trying to give me the hint that he's not interested! Suppose he's trying to give me the hint that he's interested in the other girl, and that I should just leave him alone?

Would a guy act nervous around a girl if he's not interested in her? In other words, would the guy feel uncomfortable/shy around her if he senses that she likes him, but he doesn't feel the same way? I'm just wondering. It's so weird how we interact. Sometimes he'll come say something to me, but he'll be acting nervous, and will say his little convo, and then he will leave the room. It's just strange. Other times, he'll just tease me/ or say some smart remark towards me.

I'm really confused. :-/ Please, I need some feed back from guys and girls, because I don't know what to make of it.

[tigger818]

Hi Archer & Kayak, I really like your male perspectives on a "guy being shy around a girl he is very interested in". I am in similar position as this girl - except add 10 years to the situation + complication that we work in the same office (sexual harassment risk and/or fear of upsetting the peaceful working environment). I would really like your advice as I cannot tell difference between friendly coworker vs. coworker that is scared to explicitly tell me he is interested...

Here's the skinny: Started working with him 3 months ago, there was an instant chemistry the minute we started talking - so powerful I felt he is bound to be feeling the same spark and I am sure others could see it if we interact in front of them at the office. Wasn't necessarily a strong physical attraction at first, more like a gravitation to each others energy/aura - simply drawn to that person instinctively without really knowing them. We are both in our 30s, had our fair share of short and long meaningful relationships but never met "the one" - so we are pretty experienced when it comes to determining whether it is a crush, lust or something more. So here are the individual scenarios and questions I need advice on:

1. Is he interested if he is normally outgoing in the office, but when around me seems not as composed, somewhat on edge both personally and professionally when we interact in front of other people and in private?

2. Is he interested and is there some serious mutual sexual tension when any chance interaction we have (outside washrooms, water cooler, kitchen) - if at all possible he flirts with me e.g. you going to use up all that boiled water? you couldn't bring my tea on your way back from the kitchen? asking me why I am on edge or jumpy around him (btw I am nervous around him too, but as a person, I am not shy at all!) but I try to pass it off that I am not to him!

3. Is he interested if both him and I put on a "front" in the office and to each other that we are not interested at all. There are favors I want to do for him naturally as I care for him and am considerate by nature - but I purposely refrain so as not to be showing preferential treatment to this guy vs. others? Would it work the same for him since he doesn't want to explicitly tell/s me he likes me (because of work situation) - so we both continue to pretend there is nothing there. I fear we may both let this meaningful connection pass us by because of work situation.

4. Is he interested but scared to express it to me if 4 of us are at a pub for lunch, table of 4, he sits to my right side, however, his chair faces my chair and his legs are on my chair. Therefore I kept accidentally brushing his knee when I used my hands while talking. Also when he orders his lunch - it comes - he mentions "I thought you ordered the same thing".

5. Finally would he act shy, flirt and make eye contact with me if all he wants is to risk an office fling or may he want more?

[Reeses-pieces777]

He sounds a little shy, I think it's normal, he sounds like he's interested. Well, if you like him, go for it. Ask him out if need be if he's that uber shy.

[siramsri]

Hi,

A guy would not act nervous around a girl to convey that he's not interested in her - I could say from my own experience.

I am a very shy guy with very little experience in relations - I get really nervous when I am with the girl who bowls me over, especially when in the midst of other people. This shyness leads to inferiority complex which leads to jealousness, when the girl is flirting with other men!

These could just be one or two thorns on the way to something really longlasting and could be definitely overcome by communication and mutual assurance.

The guy is looking at you for a serious long term and meaningful relationship.

I behaved exactly the same and recently upset an angel who liked me and approached me 6 months ago.

[Mystique01]

Thanks for your input! Very insightful! So you're saying that a guy wouldn't act shy/quiet/nervous around a girl to show that he's not interested in her right?

Well, what if:

-you sensed that the girl kind of liked you and you

-you had a girlfriend already and you sensed this girl pal of yours liked you?

How would you act around her in these two different scenarios?

Is your answer still the same?

[damarakamal2007]

There's this guy he's a lot younger than me he acts really nervous and shy when were alone but not as shy when other people are around and when he talked to me he wouldn't sit next to me does that mean he has the hots for me?

[Marimar2012]

Why guys get nervous and turn red around a girl and he's mean to her but he always tries to get her attention and is always looking at her and tries to make eye contact

[Kayaking]

Women can be pretty scary. Especially ones we think we might be attracted too. We are not used to acting the way women want us to act. We always say the wrong thing and can never look good enough, dress good enough or be as successfull in a way that impresses you the way some other imaginary guy does. We all know, even if we get to second base, our dicks might be fine, but will never be big enough to satisfy you forever, or until a bigger one comes along. Worse, if we are attracted, a mere glance of you, whiff of your perfume or thought of being close gives us a giant boner that we can't hide. Soooo, what do we do, especially when we are young? Goofy crap like you are describing.

[Mystique01]

Huh?? LOL* Okay...are you serious? I didn't know this about guys--at least not to the extent you're describing. Are these the ONLY reasons why a guy would act kind of shy/nervous/on guard around a girl/woman? I mean I really don't bite, I don't know what he's afraid of! Plus, I think he already senses that I like him.

He doesn't act shy ALL the time, but at times he'll act kind of on edge, I can't describe it. Like there's this "tension" between us, but we're not addressing it. :-/

[Kayaking]

For me, that tension can be sexual tension and/or the fear of rejection or coming off lame. Believe me, if we want you bad, it is a major distraction. The conflict is huge because we also know when we are in that state, we don't think straight and it's hard to be cool. We know if we are not cool, we don't get you. So. that's when the games begin. Sometimes, it's just getting out of there because we don't want to look or sound like an idiot.

[Mystique01]

Thanks for your input.

So you said that sometimes that "tension" could be sexual tension. Well, how can you tell the difference between a guy who is acting kinda "nervous" or awkward around you because there's SEXUAL tension, and the difference between a guy who's acting nervous around you because he KNOWS that you like him, and he doesn't feel the same way/or has a girlfriend or something and doesn't want to lead you on.

How can you tell?

[Kayaking]

Okay, is it "hop on" or "back off"? Smart remarks=back off. Gentle caresses, smiles, respectful convo=hop on. Indifference=back off. In-depth=hop on. If I'm interested, I want to know everything about you. I love watching you move, hearing you speak and, most of all, making you laugh. If there are smart remarks that are disrespectful, not a good sign.

[tigger818]

Hi Kayak, I really like your perspective on the guy being shy around a girl he is very interested in due to sexual tension, fear of rejection or coming off lame. I am currently in the same position as this girl - except add to the situation the complication that we work in the same office - and the fact that if he was to show or explicitly tell me he likes me would risk sexual harassment and/or fear of upsetting the peaceful working environment. I would like your advice, will start new thread.

[archer86]

Women are scary because of the unknown. In today`s world, particularly in the USA, a man has much to be afraid of. Here is my list of possible fears to explain his uncertainty:

1) sexual harassment. Ask out the wrong woman at the wrong place and time and STRIKE! The poison has set in.god help him. The worst part is a man may not know if a given women would indeed cry foul until it`s too late. If a woman is a student, coworker or boss, there is much to take caution.

2) If he really likes his current relationship, he is fearful of the rumor mill which can and will spread like a California fire. Women can be as jealous as men and is a good way of destroying a sure relationship.

3) He is inexperienced in the dating scene or comes from a male dominated society and now finds himself surrounded by women. I served in the US Army as an infantryman that is 100% men with few women support soldiers. Once I got out, I was in culture shock with jobs that was female dominated. Messed me up for a long time.

If none of these are acceptable, then he could be hiding something some ulterior motive.

[skegz]

i feel like the prettier the girl you like or are around, the more nervous you are or the less confident you feel about yourself in talking/approaching her.. so yeh id say he's pretty interested

[damarakamal2007]

I like this guy that's a lot younger than. me he acted really nervous when we was alone not as much when people are around he wouldn't sit next to me does that mean he has hots for me?

[Marimar2012]

This guy is always looking at me he's mean to me and rude but he tries to make eye contact he looks at me and tries to show off in front of me and tries very hard to get my attention and he gets nervous and turns red when I'm around he did yell once he gets really nervous every time he sees me and he's friends are always keeping an eye on me.

[sonnysunshine]

And ironically the less attracted she will be attracted to you if you are shy/underconfident. The most likely outcome is the friendzone. Sad.

In vice versa (girl has a crush on a guy) she can act shy but he’s attracted to her he will try to start something. In the worse case scenario he will just not notice she’s interested.

[unomilkis1]

Well you want the lady, but you're scared whatever you might to may not come off well ! This is exactly why I AVOID all contacts with women of my interest.

[Anonymous]

Nervous because he wants to act the best he can so he's walking on egg shells to impress you

[woooooooo]

I'm nervous around talking to girls because I don't do it that much.

[Keenisha]

Maybe he has you on the back burner