There are several reasons why I, and probably most men, hate this question. Of course, the cynical all-men-are-evil feministic answer is that men are just thinking about sex, but that's not it. That's not even close, at least not for me.
I hate this question because (1) it shatters my placid pond of meditational peace and tranquility. If you're on a long drive or in another similarly boring situation, it's great if you can slip into that happy, content, space of meditation. And to have someone ask "What are you thinking about?" just destroys it. Men seem to be better able than women to enjoy the quiet moments.
I hate this question because (2) it's often hard to explain what I'm thinking about, even if I'm not in a meditative state. It's telling that the Tibetan folks call the rambling random thoughts of the mind "monkey mind," and how is anybody supposed to explain monkey mind? Just try explaining some of your dreams in a coherent way. There's no point to it, and it would take an enormous amount of mental energy to try.
I despise this question becaue (3), it's a LAME question. I mean really! What is that? I only want to talk if I have something meaningful to say. I like to talk about human behavior, the psychology of the financial markets, history, cooking, photography or other such things. I don't like to talk about nothing. In other words, I'm not into the usual vacuous girlery that too often passes for confabulation.
It really is astounding how so many women just need to talk, talk, talk. The stereotype holds up well. It doesn't necessarily seem to matter what the words are; too many women just want to talk. It's painful just to think about. For chits 'n giggles, I might just record a typical chick conversation at the pub and transcribe it. The STUPID things that most women talk about really are a sad commentary on the human condition, and even a good number of women would probably concede this point.. It's telling that even my very disasbled, mentally challenged brother-in-law also knows what stupid women talk is and doesn't like it. Of all his assistants, including myself, his favorite ones have all been men because they're serious.
Furthermore, anybody who asks "What are you thinking about?" is probably a little psychologically needy, if only for the moment, and that's a turn-off for any serious man.
Finally, conversation with your honey should be spontaneous. I shouldn't have to think of stuff to say on command.
I'm just glad that I married someone who does like to talk about serious things, but I still nevertheless had to have a heart-to-heart talk with her about the "What are you thinking about?" question. At least we were able to talk about it, and she is better about it now.
Well, I feel a lot better now. Thank you very much.
Yes. Men hate when you ask. I understand your reason and I can only imagine you laying next to me giving me these little pecks of kisses on my cheek when you ask that question. Which is some of the thoughts I take with me as I travel through this lonely life, but nonetheless. It's 2 things. Timing and content. I don't mind sharing my thoughts, but sometimes, my thoughts won't make any sense to you. I may be thinking of the left overs from last nights dinner date and how I can't wait to get some alone time with that doggy bag from the olive garden. (Chicken Marsala is wonderful) So when you break my concentration, you have just shattered my simple 3 seconds by knocking the needle off the record with that question. And sometimes, I'll make something up, just so I don't look like the true idiot I am that dreams of eating leftovers. Timing is the other part of this. Women have this magical ability to ask this question at the worst times. It's usually right before I lose conciousness after a long days work and a hot shower, or when I'm reading or when I'm driving and I'm listening to the led zepplin song on the radio during our road trip that is turned way down because I thought you were going to take a nap and stop read Marie Claire to me out loud. - I hope this helps and god bless the wonder and joy that is woman. The world would truly suck if we were here alone. =) - J
It's not just guys that don't like it. When my boyfriend and I first started dating, he would ask me what I was thinking so much. We would just be laying in bed together and he would ask me what I was thinking. I basically hinted to him that I didn't like it when he asked me that question so much. I don't hate it when he asks it sometimes, but I'm not always deep in thought. So if I'm not really thinking of anything, then it's stupid to ask me.
I've never heard a girl say that or said it myself. the only time I've ever been asked that is by a guy friend who was hugging me at the time... lol sooo... I don't think its a girl thing.
neither is not wanting to answer a guy thing since I avoided it like the plague, like punchxcore wrote sometimes we're not thinking anything at all... in fact at the time all I was thinking was "What should I do? what should I do? what should I do?!"
I ONLY SAY IT WEN MY Boyfriend ASK ME AND THATS ONLY WHEN WE HAVA A DEEP CONVERSATION AND I STILL BE THINKING AFTERWARDS.. ITS AN APPROIATE TIME FOR THAT QUESTION OTHERWISE ITS ANNOYING..
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I don't hate it when girls ask me "what are you thinking about," but if they ask it too much, or too often, it can be irritating. Here's why:
Part of the problem that comes from "what are you thinking?" questions is that men and women communicate differently. It's partly due to social factors, and partly due to biological factors (our brains are different).
Women tend to verbally communicate their thoughts and feelings as a way to gain closeness and intimacy. But men tend to use verbal communication as a way to accomplish a goal, or transmit information. To get close to others, men tend to _do things_. That's why groups of guys play sports or World of Warcraft, and go camping together -- it's how we gain closeness and intimacy.
It's not black or white, because men will often talk to other men about their fears and goals, and women share activities as well.
So when a woman says, "What are you thinking?" she probably means, "I want to have a few moments of closeness and intimacy with you." But guys aren't like that, so we say "I'm thinking about changing the oil in my car" and wonder why you need to know things like that . In a way, men and women can use the same words but speak a different language because our communication goals are different.
To make a short story long, men and women are both better off when they learn how the other communicates, and adjusts themselves slightly.
Its hard to answer the question "What are you thinking about" when there isn't a single thing going around in your head. In other words, I get asked this when I am spacing out, and as you know when you space out, nothing really goes on in your head. Another reason why I hate this question is because, sometimes I am thinking about something that I don't want to talk about, OR I was thinking about something completely random that I was extremely focused on, and then I hear that question, I just forget everything that was in my mind, and who doesn't get upset when they are thinking about something seriously, and they just lose it out of no where. If you want to start a conversation, then by all means start a conversation(even though MOST not ALL women love to talk about random things that us men don't care about). Such as does this top look good with this dress? Try and start the conversation about something he is interested in. When you do this, even when he's in his own state of mind. He won't get mad when you ask him. He MIGHT say damn it, or some other words that might put him off as upset, but in the end he will continue with what you asked him, while if you just said what are you thinking about. He might answer in a jackass/joking kind of way
Plain and simple, it's like this;
When a guy looks lost in thought, staring into space, usually his mind is blank. Whether it be meditation, relaxing, or just staring into space. All guys do this, and I can say I do hate this question in this circumstance.
Also, in my honest opinion that's a question that seems a bit clingy, and that can be annoying for guys.
But guys, don't lie when you answer. I've heard a lot of stories about how that can go really wrong really quick.
Essentially, not much is going on up there when we look that way. I actually feel a sense of peace in this state without a care in the world, and I don't like being disturbed from it. That question brings you right out of it.
If you want to start conversation, ask something like "Anything ______ happen at ______ today?" or ask if they have improved on something they are working on. Usually this is a positive question for guys, and although it takes us out of this state, we're not that angry because it's most likely going to be a good conversation.
No as long as she doesn't do it consistantly. Guys don't really know how to convey thier feelings let alone a good romantic time to do so. When a girl ask you that, she's fishing for something a lot of times its reassurence that you want to be with her. And that she is right where she is suppose to be. This is our chance to tell you how much you mean to us and you are where you are suppose to be. Hopefully your guy is telling you the truth.
I think most guys don't know how to talk about their feelings and how to express it in words. Most women see movies and how the guys in the movies always say how they feel or what they think and it leads to a tear in the eye moment. Most guys are too macho to express their feelings.
lol, because usually, there is nothing we are thinking about. When I am watching a movie, that's what I am doing, watching the movie. Simple as that, ladies are the thinkers and guys are the do-ers, as a general rule, but not always.
I wish a girl would ask me that question, no one has before. No one ever asks me questions in general, apart from "what is your name?".
I don't mind it, but I am an unusual guy. In a lot of ways.
haha sure do
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