I'm madly in love with this girl, she knows it too but we're not official yet.
She keeps saying she's fat when she's quite the opposite, she's litterally borderline anorexic. I could pick her up with one hand and throw her across the room she's so lightweight.
But she still insists that she's fat and wants to loose more weight. I'm worried that if she keeps it up she's simply going to wither away, possibly die.
What can I do? I don't think I could live with myself if something happened to her, HELP!
Most Helpful Girl
Mm. I wouldn't ignore it.
I have had an eating disorder for about 5 years now (though I'm SO much better!). When I used to comment on my own weight (or lack thereof, lol), I didn't want people to ignore it. When they did, I felt like they were agreeing with me. I would make those comments to try and gauge how I looked or seemed to other people. We can't see ourselves properly and we know it (though we will deny it and insist that it's everyone ELSE that has the distorted perception). There is always a part of us that is searching for some grounding- we need to know that other people don't see us as we see ourselves.
She knows you love her- that is the most important thing! There is a time when we begin to realize that our actions are no longer just hurting ourselves but hurting those we love. That when change (recovery) becomes possible for us.
When she makes those comments... It's tricky even for me to tell you what to do or how to respond. Because if you ignore it, she will think you are agreeing with her. But if you tell her she is beautiful, she will think that means you want her to stay thin (and possibly thinner). If you tell her she needs to gain weight, she will rebel and possibly get angry.
You can't win in an argument against the ego of someone with an eating disorder. Because a large part of the disorder is constantly sabotaging ourselves and twisting anything anyone says into some sort of fuel to validate our need to loose more weight. Try to avoid commenting on her weight all together, unless she brings it up and you need to reassure her how insanely tiny she is. Or something. Just try not let her dwell on the subject. But don't ignore it.
Always remember that the eating disorder is a SYMPTOM of a sickness, not the sickness itself. There is something more going on with her than weight. There always is- often a culmination of many things. It is a mental and emotional sickness that manifests itself physically.
You may try speaking to her sincerely- tell her you are truly worried about her, that you love her, that you want to see her happy. Gently try to see if you can help her get to the root of what is causing her behavior. That she is beautiful no matter what- and the most important thing to you is to see her healthy. Don't push her to gain weight! Meet her where she's at. She wants to feel supported- not like you're trying to fix her.
As a head's up, don't expect anything to happen fast. Recovery takes a long time. And most people aren't patient enough (or strong enough) to keep with us through the process. My own mother nearly gave up on me after a while- I wore her out. :-\ But it's totally possible! And even probable, especially considering that she has someone to love her as much as you. ^_^3