Why do my friends (girls) always cancel on me?

[Anonymous]

I'm a girl, and I'm talking about my friends that are girls. I feel like everyone is so unreliable. They cancel on me ALL the time and it's hard not to get upset over it, I guess I'm just reaching a breaking point which is why I need to ask you this. I don't have a "group" of friends, just friends all over the place, so it's not like they all know each other and have something against me. The thing is we're in our 20's and it's getting old, time to grow up. WHY do people continue to make plans with me if they usually don't keep them, especially the ones that initiate the plans themselves? I am not a clingy person at all, I accept when my girl friends say that we should hang out and occasionally ask them to as well. It's driving me crazy and I am seriously ready to forget about ALL girl friends, all of them. I need to start hanging out with guys, my guy friends never used to do this to me (but I don't have any where I've moved to). This is not just a rant but a question to anyone who can shed some light. I am a very sweet, funny girl in my early 20's but not OVERLY sweet and am tired of having people do this to me. Please, please advise. Thank you!

[Atomizer]

Sometimes we train people how to treat us. If you're always tolerating behavior that bothers you, you give the impression that you don't mind their actions.

Have you told them you object to the way they flake out? If so, and they don't make any effort to change, simply drift out of their lives if this is a dealbreaker for you. Don't make a big scene, don't confront them, just fade away and find new friends.

Off topic, but I find that "why" questions make me feel like a helpless victim. Try asking "How" and "What" questions that are centered around how you can empower yourself. Instead of asking "Why do my friends always cancel on me?" try asking things like "How can I respond to my friends who cancel on me?" Training myself to think this way has been a huge benefit.

[JustMe2008]

yeah gravygirl is right. If they are hanging out with boyfriend instead of you it's a very normal situation. I am in a similar situation. The difference is that my guy friends spend most of the time with their gf. In that case, even though it's hard, you can't blame them. It's just how life is. Once people get older than a certain stage they start thinking about themselves and their relationships more than friends. It's not your fault.

[JustMe2008]

Just like you have a lot of girl friends try to meet and make friendship with guys too. It should help. And if you are ready for a relationship keep that option open too.

[Toadsage]

I don't agree with this at all, only a coward will say something like this! As a man, you should be able to organize your life where you can keep your plans 90% or more of the time, no questions asked.

Just who the hell do you think I am?

[Anonymous]

People cancel more and more because they can. They get away with it. It is easy because all they have to do is decline you through a text or email. It doesn’t have anything to do with you because I see this happening all the time with a lot of people. However, a lot of the people I see this happening to don’t care. I think of it this way: If my friend asks me to dinner and I say yes, that doesn’t actually mean we are going to dinner. She just wanted to know if I WANT to go. So no one is reliable, stay detached and then no one gets disappointed.

[ohhhhhbecca]

you should tell your friends that you get mad/upset when they cancel on you. If they do it so often they might just think that you don't care if they bail.

[gravygirl]

Are they canceling to hang out with their boyfriends instead? That does kind of suck, but it is totally standard.