How do I stop comparing myself to my boyfriend's ex girlfriend?

[xoamjk92x]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year now, and before me, he was with his ex girlfriend for a little over a month. My boyfriend and I live in New York for school, but he is originally from New Jersey, and so is his girlfriend.

I constantly check her Facebook, and look at her pictures and comments and friends. I don't actually care what's going on in her life, I just want to see if she's prettier than I am, or more outgoing and social. Which she is.

I'm so afraid that he's going to leave me and go back to her because he realizes that I'm boring and whatnot.

He says he didn't even like her that much, that he doesn't think she's pretty, and that they don't hang out, just text sometimes.

I don't want to be the girl that says he can't be friends with her, but they only text at night, and sometimes its flirty-texts.

How can I stop myself from feeling like this? If I even can?

[Eiffelgirl21]

I agree with PetiteBrunette,

He needs to stop talking to her. They only dated for a month..which is good and is bad.

I am not trying to freak you out...but, they never really had time to date...it was a month.

Guys sometimes wonder, what if? Trust me, I know from experience with my boyfriend and his ex. :-/

How does he feel if you talked to your ex and flirted with him? Or to other guys for that matter?

You won't stop comparing her until she is out of your lives for good. I know, I STILL sometimes compare my bf's ex. Because she is always trying to break us up..by starting stuff and trying to talk to him. However, I know that she is not pretty nor making something of her life.

You need to get more confident. You are probably gorgeous. <333

I don't like to use the word 'hate', but I really do HATE ex's who aren't mature and start problems.

Most likely this chick still likes him...Why else would she talk to him? I know that IF I talked to my ex, I would still have love for him...So, yeahh. Try to convince him that what he is doing is wrong.

Use our examples, and question him on how he would feel. IF that doesn't

convince him, start flirting with your ex..and make it known to him...and watch the

tables turn.

Best wishes love. xx

[desidoll]

watch the tableS turn? Harsh way but its worth=D

[Eiffelgirl21]

Yeah, I meant, like watch him get upset about it.

[desidoll]

Yes so that he feels how she felt before...

[desidoll]

So they are still keep in touch? Ermmm that's not that good.Its not like you should feel jealous but this might affect your trust towrads him.

How does he feels if you are still contacting with your ex.After the break up I don't think there is any reason for him to be flirty with his ex through msg.

You can't stop comparing yourself unless he stop talking to her.You feel like this because you have the feeling that he likes her as they are texting each other.Tell him that you don't feel comfortable with this and voice out your feeling.Dont be shy.If he really care about your feeling,im pretty sure he would do something about this to stop you from comparing yourself with his ex.

[Eiffelgirl21]

I agree completely xx

[desidoll]

=D

[xoamjk92x]

You're right, it does affect my trusting him. Because while he knows it bothers me, he'll end up hiding the texts and stuff.

[Anonymous]

Um that's not good. It sounds like she's still after him and if he lets it go on like this he's the trash not you. Don't blame it on yourself or "being inferior" it would be his problem.

[horsey]

I am in a similar situation as you with my girlfriend and her ex. However, your boyfriend and her only dated for a little over a month, you guys are at a year... Also, guys don't necessarily like super sociable girls who are outgoing and stuff, I know I don't. As for the pretty factor, maybe she is a little prettier than you, from what I can tell from your pic, you are quite pretty. My girlfriend thinks that my ex is prettier than she, but I don't think so in the slightest. you are being hard on yourself, it is only natural.

[stubbsy]

well if they still text and its flirty, and you don't mind, then your a rare breed, and he will be silly to let you go, so don't worry to much, because if he does go back to her, then he wasn't worth your talents anyway was he, because you have talent and they won't go unnoticed, even if he don't notice them, this just makes him stupid,x

[xoamjk92x]

No, sorry, I meant I don't mind if they text, but I do only because its flirty lol

[stubbsy]

I wouldn't like it at all, because its unnessary, and it just puts a strain on the relationship, so your well within your rights to ask it to stop, I would even put an ultimatum down, because I just wouldn't tolerate it, and I am sure he wouldn't either if it was you, so don't accept it, let him know you won't tolerate it, only then will he respect yo uthe way he should,x

[Anonymous]

Okay, a few questions: how much prettier is she? Is it just her face, or is her body better too? Did he have sex with her? Who broke up with whom, and why?

[Eiffelgirl21]

What does it matter if SHE thinks the other girl is pretty? Or about body? what does that matter? Not being rude..I just want to know...

[Opinion Owner]

I'm just trying to understand exactly what the situation is. And face versus body matters. Generally speaking facial attraction is closely tied with how you view the whole person, so it gets less if you break up. The draw to a hot body, though, is more primal and would increase the chance of straying.

[xoamjk92x]

He didn't have sex with her, I was his first. He broke up with her, about 3 weeks after he met me. She's a blond haired, blue eyed volleyball/softball player, and I'm a brown haired blue eyed cheerleader, if that helps.

[Eiffelgirl21]

well, you can't be an ugly cheerleader ;-) and, @answerer, okay, thanks for clarifying =)

[Opinion Owner]

Did he break up with her specifically to be with you? If so you're probably fine. Also, how do your bodies compare. Specifically, what are your best features and what are hers? And does your guy seem to have an attraction to a certain body type? Lastly, how often are you having sex with him? Is he pretty satisfied sexually, or would he like more lovin?

[xoamjk92x]

I think he did because I drunkenly told him to lol. And yes, whenever he points out a random girl walking by, she's always blond, and I'm not. She'd also be a little heavier than me, like his ex. And I think he's pretty satisfied lol.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, if you're keeping him satisfied, that's a large part of the battle. Honestly, I think you're fine!

[peacenic]

realize He is not with Her, He is with YOu...