Why do so many guys mislead girls?

[Anonymous]

Don't get me wrong, I know there are still good guys out there, but lately it seems like all I meet is the ones who lie and manipulate to get what they want. Why do they do that?

Example, I recently signed up for a dating site, and within minutes I was talking to a guy, he seemed really sweet, dorky, sarcastic, and had a dirty mind (all things that I love in a guy). We were talking a lot over the next week, just getting to know each other, talking about how a relationship would work between us (went as far as to say he would take my virginity, which I made clear that I wanted to give it to someone serious about me), trying to find a time and place to meet face to face, so pretty good conversation and relationship-oriented conversation. After about a week and a half he tells me he's just interested in a hookup and that I'm not date-able to him. He wouldn't tell me why, just told me that I wasn't girlfriend material to him, which I'm perfectly okay with, but I don't understand why he led me on so much. Do a lot of guys do that? Why do they do that? Can anyone help me to understand this?

[kheserthorpe]

Misleading you would have been to have sex with you, then tell you this.

Honestly, he may not have known if he wanted to date you at first. You were a 'maybe date/maybe hookup' girl. Realize that for guys, 'hookup' is a lower threshold then 'date'. So he got to know you a little, and for whatever reason, decided he wasn't interested enough to date you, but was attracted enough to hook up. If he'd simply kept that (true) info to himself, and said 'he didn't see it going anywhere', would you be angry?

Seems like he was pretty straightforward with you.

[Asker]

It was straight forward to tell me that he wanted to date me, plan a 'perfect' first date, tell me he wanted my virginity, knowing that I wanted it to be meaningful?

[kheserthorpe]

Sure. He changes his mind.

[Curmudgeon]

Frankly, you should appreciate this guy's honesty.

Like you said, "I made clear that I wanted to give (my body) to someone serious about me."

If he's only there for a hookup, just keep him in the friend zone. His telling you that is actually refreshingly honest.

[Asker]

What I'm trying to ask is why he didn't make that clear in the first place. If I hadn't asked him, he wouldn't have said anything until after the fact. I do appreciate his honesty, but I'm confused why he led me on/waited for me to ask before telling me.

[Anonymous]

Duh ... because they are guys and all bets are off when it comes to their pursuit of the nookie. Even in a relationship, 80% of it is about fulfilling his sexual needs. It's just a matter of finding the guy who wants you bad enough that he's willing to do the other 20% of the stuff like committing so you fulfill his sexual needs.

[MrNameless]

And lots of girls don't act like teases? lol Goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

A lot of guys on online dating sites just want ass. You're better off trying a paying membership site like Match, eHarmony, Chemistry where the men are more serious about finding real relationships and not just f*** buddies.

[Asker]

Only problem is that I can't afford any of those. I'm a broke college student unfortunately.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

In all honesty, a lot of girls mislead themselves. Same with guys misleading themselves. People often mislead themselves about a person cause they are so infatuated with them. Sure some guys do purposely mislead girls (as do some girls purposely mislead guys) and that's because they are horrible people who only want something for themselves and want to use the other person to their own ends. Those people are sociopaths or borderline sociopaths -_-

[ImALuvrNotAFighter]

All guys don't do that, but a fair number of them do. Fortunately, they tend to make their intentions clear very quickly; they get what they want right away or they move on. You just haven't met the right guy yet; dating is a numbers game, so a fair bit of patience will be necessary.

[KERMlT]

People are just selfish in nature. They will do whatever they can to get what they want and they will lie, cheat, steal, etc. to get it.

[kurozogo]

Its easy and what's easy happens a lot ...