Guys, do you make a difference between girls you want to date and girls you want to sleep with?

[Anonymous]

guys, do you make a difference between girls you want to date and girls you want to sleep with? if yes, then why?

[bobair]

This is a fun question!

Here's how I see it, from my "guy" point of view...

My sexual attraction for a girl can be completely superficial. This is an illogical attraction based on my base animal instincts. I don't need to know her to want to touch her sexually.

My emotional attraction is based more on my intellectual and emotional rapport with a girl, and this only comes after having gotten to know her. If we don't connect or share just the right amount of ideals and such, then I won't develop an emotional attraction.

The perfect girlfriend, of course, is a girl who is attractive physically AND emotionally.

BUT there are plenty of young guys who are only interested in how a girl makes him look (do his friends approve, etc) so they'll date any girl who's hot no matter how bad a match she is.

AND we guys have another trick up our sleeves... we don't need to connect with a girl emotionally before we sleep with her. Many of us can have casual sex without any intent of long term intimacy.

I suspect you get all this already, so here are my final thoughts...

If you're a girl who wants a guy who's into MORE than just sex then remove sex from the table until you FEEL the intimacy and connection.

How can you tell?

The guy seeking sex will keep everything superficial... he'll stick to compliments about your looks and your body and he'll always be trying to get you into bed as fast as possible. And he'll be grumpy when you resist him.

The guy seeking a relationship will do more than try to buy you gifts and pay you compliments. He'll want to have long deep conversations late into the night. He'll respect any sexual boundaries you provide... and you SHOULD have boundaries... it'll make him respect you more and it'll AMP up his attraction for you.

If he's not truly seeking rapport and connection then he's likely only trying to GET something from you... like sex or approval or both.

If you want to be the type of girl guys WANT a relationship with... then have clear and healthy sexual and emotional boundaries.

Being the one-night-stand girl makes you sexually attractive because it implies having sex with you will be easy. BUT it also implies that keeping you as a girlfriend will be a struggle (because we'll assume the next guy will catch you just as easily.)

Being the girl who's fun YET who keeps guys at a distance, displays that you are selective and have boundaries. This is VERY attractive. Making it had for the average guy to get past your defenses helps display your value, and makes your boyfriend realize you're not going to be stolen by the next hot guy you meet.

Being selective, having boundaries, and being fun are the most attractive GIRLFRIEND qualities you can display. Plus, of course, being fit and looking your best.

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

[Skyler123]

I like your answer it's clear and easy to understand. It makes a lot of sense. :)

[themastaplan]

always love your responses

[bobair]

Sweet, thanks!

[rachel05]

loved this!

[Feefee]

wow this was very helpful!

[amcurious]

wow I really love this...thank you

[lovethestage]

Agree, this is nice to know. Thanks :-D

[YouKnowThatGuy]

Definitely. It's not something I do consciously or anything. But my brain won't allow me to sleep with a woman I'm interested in dating right off the bat. Hooking up with a woman when we aren't really together instantly kills any possibility of a relationship with her for me. I don't see her as a bad person, or as less of a person, it's just something that occurs in my brain. Sleeping with somebody without that romantic spark there, it just kills any possibility for something to bloom for me.

I would expect it to be the same visa versa though. If I slept with a woman when we weren't together, I wouldn't expect her to want a relationship with me at any point down the road. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind, I've drawn a very defined line between women I'll hook up with and women I'll date.

[toulouse]

But my brain won't allow me to sleep with a woman I'm interested in dating right off the bat______Why not, if you want to be with her, why can't you sleep with her. you lose attraction id you have sex too soon, is that what you mean? How long would you have to know her-if you 'like' her-for your brain to give you permission to have sex with her?

[YouKnowThatGuy]

It's a matter of intimacy. Sleeping with a woman that's good looking, but I'm not intimate with with never be as good as one that I have intimate feelings for. I find it difficult to develop those intimate feelings when I've already slept with them. For me, meaningless sex kills any chance of intimate feelings for me.

[YouKnowThatGuy]

My response was borderline stupid right there. I meant "Im not intimate with will never be..." and also, the last sentence I started and ended with "for me." And I got no response for why my brain did that. Anyway, yeah, meaningless sex is fine, but it kills the potential relationship.

[Anonymous]

id say..even though you did direct your question to guys. .. that the difference would be, if a guy wanted to sleep with you versus date, they would have slept with you already or at least try to on the first night out, and that would be their sole intention. If they wanted to date you, yeah it would be on their mind but they would try to show you that its not by waiting for you to give the okay?

[dezzz]

This is what women think and it is ridiculous. This is also why women should not answer those kind of questions.

[kheserthorpe]

I'm with dezzz. Basically, girls you want to date are a subset of the girls you want to sleep with.

[toulouse]

dezz. all you said is you don't want to f*** women you like.. and you will want to f*** women you don't want anyone to know you are f***ing... that is not exactly insightful. I would say a lot more guys wait to have sex when they REALLY like someone -not that they want to wait. but they are told they should, & they just follow direction- than there are guys who only f*** women they hate or are ashamed of.

So, technically, tho not ubiquitous, her female answer, was more informative than your male answer.

[scar1]

not at all most guys who would do that would do it regardless

[Anonymous]

Girls you want to sleep with: 6-8 on looks scale.

Girls they want to date: 8+ on the looks scale.

Guys will f*** girls they only find so-so attractive, but never exclusively f*** them. That's the most common difference. Occasionally, it's a personality conflict. But in a friends with benefits situation, it's always looks.

[IHateMeganFox]

I want to know this, sadly I do not have an answer. But obviously there is a difference otherwise you probably wouldn't of thought of asking this question.

[Anonymous]

yes definitely,

if I'm crushing on a girl its because I like her personality, the way she carries herself and generally I find her really attractive (though I'm a bit biased because of the whole liking her personality thing). also my existing relationship with the girl doesn't get taken into account

if I just want to sleep with the girl, then I just find a girl that is fun/entertaining and is also up for a bit of fun, that's not to mean she isn't as above, but I just don't have that emotional connection with her. it also depends on the type of existing relationship I have with this girl (aka if she is a good friend, then its not happening).

Hope this helps

[martyfellow]

In my single days I considered any girl who would spend time with me a potential all-night partner. If I like her enough to spend tmie with her, I sure thought about taking off her clothes...

There are guys who chase after women they don't even like..don't want to date them but still want them in bed...but I'm not one of them.

[martyfellow]

Must be the best answer!

[WoodWizzard87]

Kind of a one sided question... We date women, so we can have a relationship and have sex. On the other hand, men want to date women that are down to earth I.e. Girl next door type. If your looking for a hookup, it could be the hot bitchy prude at the bar that gets you all hot for five minutes. If I women is level headed and has high self esteem, she is relationship material, if not... She's a throw away chick.

[rob83]

Ok this question is pretty easy...Yes there is a difference established...For the simple fact that..Jus like women, a physical attraction is completely different than an emotional attraction...I can physically want to sleep with a female but when it comes to personality, if there isn't one, then I jus couldn't see myself going any further than the bedroom door with...Even then jus because a female is hot doesn't neccesarely make me want to lay her down...there are many turn off's and every1 is different...its like..jus because I like the color red, doesn't mean that I would buy a ferrari, don't get me wrong I would test drive it and want it and even if I did have the money I still wouldn't buy it..i would rather buy me a truck and motorcycle to park in my garage...because that is what I like and enjoy more

[toulouse]

This is realistic.

[LightUp]

I can't believe you didn't add a poll for this question! Me myself make such a list, and no I don't wanna be a lot of girls. I just wan't to find that right girl for me. I don't know but I will feel guilty if I were to sleep with women who I haven't developed feelings for , not meaning that just as soon as I like a girl I want to have sex with her.

[Mexicoman101]

Well there are some women I want to sleep with badly but do not want to be with because they are clearly hoes. There is a saying that you cannot turn a hoe into a housewife. But there are other people I would want to pursue an active relationship with.

[MrEM4N]

Women I only want to sleep with I'm more abrupt with and less concerned about their feelings. That being said, I wouldn't pursue someone strictly for their body unless both of us knew we were only in it for the physical. I'll try to develop a broader range of emotion with girls I'm trying to date and diversify our conversations.

[evo220]

very simple, the better-looking the girl (or the more she's our type), the more we're likely to keep her around.

if I'm just messing around with a girl and not trying to do other stuff with her then I don't find her attractive or interesting enough to date exclusively

[shyguy89]

the same thing applys to girls how do you make a difference between just friends or more than that..but I will answer your question ..its simple if you act like a girlfriend then we treat you like that but if you act like a naughty girl we will treat you as such..i don't personally. I like girls that walk around like they own you before they know you..lol so its how you carry youself as a person really

[ElijahCynicism]

Uhh.. I don't need to fancy a girl I wanna get it on with, she just has to be bearable, ahaha. I have to fancy a girl I want to go out with. But I don't even date, so really, even if I do fancy her, its not likely I'll do anything but sleep with her - you know, in that direction. I see them all as friends, though, be it sexual, romantic or just that I lust after them.

[Cantremember]

Honestly, I have seen that behavior much more in girls. But that could just be my experience with it. What I find more common is to not change status e.g. From friends with benefits to relationship. But again, girls see opportunity there where I don't.

[baliguy11]

not really. if I am attracted it is for both. It might not turn out that way but I have decided in about 30 seconds if I would want to sleep with you. that is what guys do. We do not analyse the intricate aspects of our potential relationship bla bla bla. Nope, she is hot. like her. want to date her and want to ...

[toulouse]

@I have decided in about 30 seconds if I would want to sleep with you._______Women do that as well.

[baliguy11]

well maybe we are not that different after all.

[micricjac]

id rather have a relationship not a one night

the idea of sleeping with a girl I barely know isn't really as good as spending time with someone getting to know them

you can't out much when there asleep

[Konnour]

Actually, no. There is a difference between who are relationship material and who are bedtime-entertainment material but either of them are date-able.

And sometimes you need a bit to wine-and-dine a girl to pull her in bed, even if she also is looking only for it aswell.

When you're still dating it's nothing serious at all. Just a fun, no time to make demands.

[BoobMan]

Any girl I'd want to date, I'd have to want to sleep with her. Or I wouldn't bother dating her.

Would I sleep with a girl I wouldn't date? Not generally, because of the girl but maybe the situation. Like if she was visiting town for a bit but ultimately lives elsewhere. Then longer term dating becomes impractical.

[dezzz]

There is no better sex in the world than with a hot chick you absolutely hate.

The down side of this is that it is short term. Cause if you enjoy it for to long you kinda begin to be into her and its all downhill from there...

Also guys want to sleep with a lot of women who they would be ashamed to be dating in public - I assume you don't consider getting together, on more or less regular basis, for a f*ckfest to be dating.?

For most guys that is a perfect relationship.

[toulouse]

@ I assume you don't consider getting together, on more or less regular basis, for a f*ckfest to be dating.?_if You are doing anything regularly, its pretty much dating. eating & watching movies, isn't exactly more intimate than rolling around naked on a regular basis.

[Yeahhbro]

Yes if she is OK good looking or even ugly in some situations (madly wasted) I would just want to do her .

But if she is good looking and is compatible with me, I will want to make her my girlfriend.

[makhbota]

No I don't want a girl to sleep with

i just want the RIGHT girlfriend

the girlfirned who is hard to get <3

[mexicanswag]

idk to me, its all the same because both of some type of relationship just one you take it seriously and the other you dont:)

[noobseaplenty]

yes I do, because believe it or not women want to have sex also without getting into a relationship

[scar1]

good to know

[toulouse]

True.

[Hellboa]

Noob is quite the proper name for you sir. most girls do not feel that way, it's not in our genetics. We may want you to think that cause we are afraid of being hurt.

[noobseaplenty]

Well not being hurt is ONE of the benefits of no string sex, yes, but what's your point? Besides, it doesn't make any sense, if girls didn't want one night stands they would not have one night stands