Men, do you have a hard time trusting women?

Question

I know I do. I have for a while but I just realized. Probably shouldn't be like this either, I know many good women are out there but in my life they haven't been the best to me and my friends. Granted I know many men that aren't exactly good either but that's not my problem to deal with and I'm glad about that.

It's probably a faze that I will get over and learn from but until then I want to see what's in these feelings and where they come from.

So, men do you have a hard time trusting women? Even the slightest bit?

Women, what's your advice? Have you ever seen this in person? Do you ever wonder about the reasons this happens? Have you ever been the because of these thoughts?

oOsweet~o~nessOo · Accepted Answer

Hmm -

I have a hard time trusting men - do to underlying personal issues - maybe yours has to do with the same?

And I'm not talking issues like, oh one relationship was bad and suddenly all women / men suck and aren't worth trusting -

But things more seriously and deeply rooted in your head? Maybe there was something a female figure in your life did that trained you to use extra caution against women? I met one guy with the same problem, and he mentioned something about his mom being kind of abusive when he was younger.

I hear the " trust issues," situation so much from both sides - so it's nothing surprising really for you to post something like this. Usually most those issues, if they're even remotely as serious as the person puts them out to be - is due to past failed relationships, or maybe one guy / girl hurting them in some kinda significant way - that one could easily come to terms with. Not like abuse or mistreatement.

I wonder about the people who actually demonstrate a real dis trust of gender or people, and want to figure out why they have it, so maybe they can help me.

Don't have much sympathy for the psuedo - trust cases - because it's not something that's exactly great to have.

I mean full heartily believing that this gender, or people are worth absolutely nothing and not even worth the bother - being so angry and cold towards them because something in your head has been corrupted - hurting because your incapable of expressing a desire to have one of those bonds, when you really want one. Constantly considering how you can really destroy someone else if they so much as slightly push you over the edge your already barely on -

Yea. Not a great way to live life.

So, my advice is to figure out where the root of this mis- trust is coming from. I've found out a couple of mine, and working through them is helping a lot more then just ignoring them.

I doubt I've ever caused some dude to develop trust issues - I've broken some ego's and stepped on some faces, but those people needed that at the time so. I'm too resentful to develop a bond with a guy enough to do something that would hurt him so much he'd mistrust anyone.

Probably better it's like that anyway.

rachiee · Accepted Answer

Its definitely common, for both sexes especially at a young age. People tend to be careless about relationships at a young age which hurts the other person usually and causes them to have trust issues. Personally I just stay away from dating. I figure 95% of us have issues with the opposite gender at this point in time due to past relationships. Unfortunately that's just the product of how our generation treats love and sex. I'm not sure if I've ever been the because of a guy having this problem. I'm sure I have since I've lost interest in past relationships, but even if I have I definitely didn't intend to affect them that way. I think that our generation has tainted the dating scene to the point where its best if you just stay out of relationships until you're 100% ready for a commitment. If you do jump into a relationship with trust issues, be careful and take it slow. Evaluate everything and don't act on anything until you have given it enough thought to see if the situation is just in your head or not. Its hard to believe, but not everyone is out to hurt you. You wouldn't hurt someone, so you just have to assume the other person is like you in thinking until they give you a reason to not think that.

Scorpi · Accepted Answer

All I can say is that you can't hold back when it comes to things like love and relationships. If you want to get the most out of it, you just have to put yourself out there and open yourself up to the other person, even if you end up getting hurt. Having said that though, I used to do that a lot and every time I ended up hurt, so I've stopped and I've become pretty emotionally closed off. I haven't even dated for over a year because I just can't be bothered dealing with men's bullsh*t. Its odd how you hear people of the opposite gender complaining about sleazes and stuff, but you never seem to find the people who say they want an honest relationship when you're dating. I seem to always get guys who are wankers, and the guys I want seem to only get girls who use them. I don't see why this happens, but I suppose that's how it goes. All I know is I do not trust men at all, so I understand how you feel.

Phoenix1991 · Accepted Answer

Yup, but I'm an optimist or I try to be.

Speaking from a guy who has been put through an emotional roller coaster by several women, its normal for a person to try to develop some defense or uneasiness towards women. You learn to live and learn and move on and see that there is millions and millions of other women out there. Because not each girl I talk to is the same as the next one, my last ex was nothing like my first ex, or the girl I'm talking to now isn't like my last ex. Each person is different so with that I can have some faith that she won't do anything to hurt me.

I picked up on psychology last year and read it as a hobby now it helps me analyze others psyche/opinion so I can prevent another heartache. I think that's the main reason why I picked up that book, to understand the human mind and avoid issues that I endured in the past.

Same for women to , not all men are the same, so if you still like men in general, keep an optimistic point of view, if you dislike all men in general, nothing is wrong with being gay , actually its quite popular.

shyguy89 · Accepted Answer

even if you have had it bad for your whole life putting that weight on someone that don't desrve it is the reason your stuck in that circle getting her..forgive and forget things in life are so much easier not saying you could just put the walls down and let everyone in but..understand that humans grow from mistakes and interaction from each other..and holding on to something like that makes whatever did it to you have power over your life..i don't wanna hear it guys and girls..its not hard to let go we all have bad things that happen..but if you want a go life and to better yourself you have to let go or these things that hurt you will contuine to attack..dont give them the power over your life please I only say this because I care about everyone on this planet pleases for yourself let it go.

coffeismytea · Answer

Yes and no. (you might be "WTF do you mean?")
What I mean by that is that I do have a harsh filter when it comes to Romantic relationships (and if I were Bi or Gay, it'd probably still hold true to any genders).
Generally speaking whenever a potential partner, someone I'm romantically interested in, betrays my trust with slight attitudes like ghosting, ignoring messages, taking a century to reply, saying we're dating but backing out if only once, they've already destroyed any little trust I had in them. If they harshly criticize me for something without knowing me, the effect's even stronger and they are automatically deemed as non-relationship material, in other words they are put in the "casual only" category forever.

But, on the other hand, if they don't do that and we actually end up engaging into a romantic relationship, I trust them normally. That initial break is where I have trust issues because in all honesty, I'm never in the mood to be strung along, used as a side-gig / plan B, nor am I going to deposit my time and feelings onto someone who could so easily betray that initial thin-layer of trust without measuring the consequences, or apologizing immediately after the fact. People who do those things are not trustworthy, and it is irrelevant which gender they are.

superdudeman · Answer

Well.. Ask yourself this question.

Which sex lies more, men or women?

Ive found that when asked this question, more women admit they lie more.

And more men admit women lie more.

So if what I've found is true that women lie more than men. Why should you trust women?

Or you could just say to yourself, trust is earned.

Trust must be earned regardless of sex, and regardless of which sex lies more.

Because there's a chance you'll find a minority of a man who has the morals of a pope, or a morals of a virgin Mary.

Or just an honest person.

Philusaf · Answer

Definitely...haven't felt comfortable opening up completely to anyone since I was friends with this girl back in 2000-02. Since our friendship ended so abruptly and without explanation, I'm a lot more guarded. There's women I've dated and some I wanted to date that I didn't feel I could trust enough to open up to as much as I did her.

This girl I've fallen for...we got to be pretty close over the summer...it wasn't until September I think that I felt I could trust her. Was gonna open up to her about a few things that I hadn't felt comfortable talking about when we got together for my birthday. Unfortunately, things got in the way that weekend and then again the following weekend for our planned lunch date. The weekend after my birthday, she grew distant and it wasn't until New Year's that I found out why.

Right now, it's a case where I want to trust her but the fact that it took her so long to open up to me makes it tougher until we can talk more about a few other issues

Swenzor · Answer

You tend to get trust issues when people cheat on you. On top of that stories circulate that its OK to cheat and the excuse used is "what they don't know can't hurt them".

You also read people fight over the most simplistic things that really is nothing to fight over.

Many gets insecure and seeks attention from more then one person which tends to get out of hand. And from experience with the girls I was with despite that you gave all your attention to them it still was not enough.

In my country ONS seems to be the preferred way of meeting people which I don't agree on but we have the most singles in the entire world in our country, which to me speaks for itself.

I can trust women on a friendship level but anything above that I get afraid I will get backstabbed or used and later walked all over again.

SixStringSeal · Answer

In pretty much every relationship I've been in I've been given good reason to not trust women. Like most people, I've been cheating on, lied to (often for no reason), and lead on. Sometimes you feel like you can't just decide to trust someone because your experiences keep it from being a choice.

But I'll tell you this: trust is a good thing. It promotes unity and love which are two things that will bring you a lot of happiness in life. You can't let the negative experiences effect you and sometimes you just have to adjust your outlook to make it work.

Trust that people will be who they are and love who they are regardless of how they act. You'll be let down hard in life, just like I have, but I still have lots of love for all the people who have treated me that way because it's made me who I am.. and I like who I am.. sometimes :)

hallieb26 · Answer

Men feel like this for many reasons, many of which are the same for women. It could be because of past relationships or it could just be who they are. I have not been the because of a guy not being able to trust women, at least I hope not. But its like you said. You just have to know there are good women out there, unfortunately you may run into a few speed bumps on the way to finding the right one for you. You can't really avoid it, you just have to know that the next woman you meet is a totally different person. I think it is reasonable to be hesitant to trust other people, but after some time you have to be able to trust them if your relationship is going to work.

dx021 · Answer

Good question

Yeah, I've been there. What I finally figured out is that a woman will fall out of love with you just as quickly as she will fall in love, and that it's not her fault; its her natural instincts dictating her emotions, outside of her control

and usually once they fall out of love with you, they don't even have a faint memory that they use to feel anything. it's like their emotions dry up

and besides once you're past your early 20s, most girls have so much baggage and have been with so many guys that any kind of intimacy with them means nothing

Alanaaa · Answer

I'm the same way, but with guys. I used to never be like this, I wasn't naive- but I wasn't so guarded before. I knew most guys just wanted sex, but now I think 99% of guys want just sex. I got f***ed over really badly, so now I have a 20 foot walls up, to make sure that never happens again. I believe everyone is a certain way for a reason. Past event and experiences make you who you are today.

Cynthia325 · Answer

If you go into a relationship not trusting them before anything happens then of course your setting your self up for a failed attempt. You have to get to know the person, and trust them in order to even get the trust you want out of them. Trust until its broken, that's what I think. Its saves a lot of wonder and insecurity.

ZenQueen · Answer

I think people have their matches... I can trust some men because I can understand them better than others, and certain men can trust me because they understand me. When you understand each other communication is easier, more natural, I think its just about finding your right match.

pr3ttybr0wn · Answer

Hmm I feel the same way you do. My advice is well, damn I guess I should give the same advice for myself! It's just so hard finding a decent person you can be vulnerable with. I don't know how its like dating women so I can't say. I know a number of trustworthy girls, but of course I don't date women so I have no idea how it is for guys. I wonder if its as bad as it is for girls in the dating world? It's enough to make you jaded but I believe good people are out there, they are just really rare.

Ceekash · Answer

i will NEVER EVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS trust a man again ! we shouldn't trust anyone ! not even our selves.. okay ofc your gonna trust your self with somethings but not with everything! same goes to others, like I would trust with somethings but deff not with words and PROMISES !

hayleymadison · Answer

Honestly, even though I'm a girl, I tend to have more guy friends and rely on them more. I don't get along well with a lot of girls so I'd say I trust guys way more. But that's just me (: I got screwed over by my ex boyfriend, so for a while then I thought all guys were evil. Then I realized that in reality it wasn't every guy. It's just him personally who is nowhere near a good person. Don't just guys based on one stupid guy's actions. Or girl's.

acka72 · Answer

Well, its really difficult to find someone who you are both attracted to and who you can trust because attraction sometimes requires gameplaying and an attitude that is not highly ethical.  I am more trustworthy as a friend and a delightful nightmare as a girlfriend.  Maybe you should stay away from chicks that are too good at attracting other guys and ask out the other girls.

ellaselea · Answer

I think that one of each, the man or the women, have to be open with their feelings. If one is open and non judging than the other will open up too. But the problem is that in my relationship right now, I'm unsecure and so is my boyfriend. I know its my job to open up because he's not gonna do it. And I don't wanna risk a thing, even if he is trying to open up. I wish I would KNOW how to trust him, or anyone ;( any help? please..

hakuna_matata · Answer

not trusting comes from inner insecurity. when a person realizes that his/her happiness stems from inside and no external force can hurt it...wen they stop being dependent on someone else's actions for their own peace of mind...then they will trust everyone with no fear.

end of sermon

TissueForIssue · Answer

I gave up on worrying, if there are red flags for any cheating then I'll investigate it some if need be. I don't have the time to worry with what women are doing when I have my self to be concerned about. It's def easier to say what I just did than to fall through with it, but it's the best thing to do I think.

killbenlanier · Answer

I don't trust women because they've never treated me right. Although, I learned long ago to always expect disappointment. That way it won't effect you as much when things turn sour. People will f*** up and hurt you because we're all imperfect. Still, it doesn't hold me back from getting to know a girl. All you can do is get the hell away from her when red flags start popping up.

Ms_Eleven · Answer

I don't have a problem with trust! but maybe it's because I haven't been badly betrayed...i pick my "targets" with caution but afterward I do give trust to some extent. I understand your point though, because if the person turns out to be untrustworthy, I only have myself to blame for trusting in the first place.

Betawolf · Answer

Mmhm. I haven't been treated well by women ever. Been cheated on, lied to, used, etc. Might just be what it's like around my age so I hope it gets better. I know a lot of men are the same though...at least that's all I hear women complain about. Either way, no I do not trust women until one can actually show me that she respects and cares about me.

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