Honey, run away from him and don't ever look back! He isn't worth it. I just went through the exact situation with my boyfriend (now my ex) and experienced a lot of the same things you have mentioned. The reason he gives you for still talking to his ex is BS, don't believe it. He just tells you that so he can conveinantly talk to her when he wants and so it won't piss you off, since he's already prewarned you that he wants to prove her wrong. The "i wouldn't be here if I didn't want to" comment is also BS. Guys just say that to make you think they are in the relationship for the right reasons, when actually they are using you and playing you? Could he be using you for something to fullfill some needs of his own? The reason you feel like a stranger on the phone is because his mind is constantly preoccupied with other things or other people. Or he is also talking/texting a few other women at the same time as you and he can't focus in on your guys connection because he doesn't feel one. Believe me, I have been through it all with. Remember if it doesn't gel, what he is telling you about his ex, then that's a red flag to you. He probably still does want to be with her but has gotten involved with you as a rebound and a companion for the time being. The 'please don't hurt me' thing is also a lie. He wants you to feel that he cares about you and wants you to feel that is is really into you and the realtionship, but he's not. It's called reverse psychology! My man was definitely not normal either and I had a lot of red flags and we broke up and got back together 3 times before I realized he was just a manipulator and that his actions NEVER backed up his words. My man also couldn't believe that we were arguing about sex a few times a week (my unsatisfaction with it). He would tell me that " we are not dying, we have food, a roof and family that loves us, so why is sex such a big deal to you"? Basically about the sex, he just doesn't give a crap, because he"s not stupid, he's listening to what you want, but not doing anything about it to make you happy. He will never change, these kinds of men are only into themselves and what they can get from you. He will drain your self esteem and you will loose your sexual confidence, please save yourself and get out now while it's early on. I hope this helps you, you can contact me if you have any further questions. BTW, where are you located?
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Wow, you are with a guy who is very focused on his needs. He may be caring and giving, but it is directed towards himself, not towards you. He will say what he says and from his perspective he believes it, but a guy who could care less if you have an orgasm is a bad sign.
Your guy almost sounds like my ex. I thought he was great in bed until I really thought about the fact that he never cared whether I had an orgasm. His belief was that it was hard for women to orgasm and he wasn't going to put that pressure on himself and would leave it for me. He also just saw me as an object to show off (like your guy showing you off to his ex) to others. He too, was a player that had slept with a lot of women, so it was like he was playing house, proving to his friends and family that he was settled now and that he loved my daughter like she was his own (though he admits he does not like children). Once all the novelty of this wore off, he broke up with me. It broke my heart, but now I see he did me such a big favor. He was very in to himself and struggled to connect to me or anyone else. I want a man in my life who is in to me, not himself.
Decide what you want in life and consider whether this guy is delivering that to you. If it doesn't work for you, well good luck talking to him and getting him to recognize what you need. Otherwise, let him go.
You are very contradicting in this whole paragraph. Unfortunately, I think you are just a rebound. You are nothing serious. When he says "Don't hurt me" it really means, "Don't hurt my ego". He still has feelings for his ex and you are there to fill that void. If you are looking for just a fling this is it. If you are looking for something serious; this is not the guy and it's time you move on.
You're demonstrating one of the major ways women make themselves crazy: they measure male behavior by female standards.
Here's one reason he doesn't show as much emotion as you'd prefer. Men and women's brains are different. The limbic system, which processes emotions, is more active and better developed in women. Think about that difference. We can't change our brains any more than we can change from right-handed to lefty. So first, you need to accept a scientific fact: men and women feel emotions differently. Women expressing emotions can be like painting the Mona Lisa, while men are kindergarteners with finger paints.
Second, realize that your emotions are usually irrelevant. So are mine, so are everyone's. Simply because you have an emotion doesn't mean it's a valid reason for a decision. Our emotions exist only in our heads. Our emotions change constantly. You can be aware of your emotions, but also understand that emotions do not justify behavior.
Third, have you told him that you don't climax during sex? I don't mean "accused him of being selfish and not caring about you, and making your orgasm his responsibility." I mean you should be direct and assertive. "I'd really like to have an orgasm when he have sex. But that hasn't happened so far. I tend to climax with A, B and C, are you willing to try those to help me have an orgasm?"
Fourth, he might "run for the door" when it comes to disagreements because he feels like he's under attack. We can't change others. Instead, ask yourself a question: "How might I be contributing to this dilemma, and how can I change? In what ways can I create a more comfortable and welcoming environment where he might feel more willing to talk through problems?" Asking these types of questions will help point you towards a path of action.
Fifth, read this article by linguist Deborah Tannen [ link [ She's studied the different ways men and women communicate. The healthiest relationships are ones where partners understand and appreciate their differences, and are both willing to adjust to better communicate.
Hope all this helps.
Good luck.
Hmmm, it sorta sounds like you are a rebound and that he wants his ex back. For instance, you said you held him off, which sounds like he wanted sex.
The thing is, is that if he was emotionally gun-shy, then he wouldn't have been pushing for sex since he would be afraid of opening that emotional door. And if he isn't putting any emotional link into sex, then he really isn't putting any emotional link into the relationship.
Your sex life is a tell of the relationship. He doesn't care what you are getting out of it.
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I know this guy. Not actually, but figuratively. This is Mr. Insensitive. I like Mr. Insensitive because he can always get any woman he wants because it is IMPOSSIBLE for him to be hurt by you! He's screwing every woman around because he has no feelings. They can't hurt him. Women reject him, he keeps coming, oblivious to the fact that she just shoved a red hot saber through his heart. It's great for the woman in the beginning, because she can be as brutal as she wants and he keeps on coming. This would be admirable in the extreme if the dude had a heart, but in truth he's pathetic. You can't get the guy you want because you stab the crap out of him to test him. Oops I did it again... yada, yada. Anyway, you end up with that which can pass your tests. If your tests involve emotional pain tolerance, then you'll end up with someone who doesn't feel. Hmm... I wonder what it would be like if I did that to women? How would they respond to getting rejected? I'm sure they'd find some way around it. You guys are so smart that way.
it's like he knows the right things to say but they're not backed with genuine feeling. like a hollow shell. This means his attachment to you is almost on a whim and would explain his dated loads of women and the sense he's still hanging around his ex, it's almost like he took her last words as a challenge. The same hollowness would apply to her too tho. Probably a lot of exes have come to the same conclusion as you. If this kind of personality pervades everything he does, chances are it's just how he is. Maybe that's how his parents treated him. Trouble is either he realises he's not quite right or he doesnt. Either way you should be asking yourself why you've put up with it for so long and now you see through it why you didn't to begin with.
I have the same problem with my girlfriend. My feelings for her are beyond this world. lol I don't see myself with any other girl basically. I do love her but have a problem showing emotion well. I try to show her by spending time with her and tryin to take care of her.
she says all I think about is myself and that if I do love her that it should com natural but it really isn't that easy for me. I haven't shown emotion very well all my life. yea I do cry when I'm sad depending on what it is. yea I do get mad but when it comes to expressing my feelings I have a problem
any help?what caught my eye was when you said men don't get it... (not showing emotion)... that is what my ex always said about me... since this is months later are you still with him? is he older than you? so you truthfully think guys with a big penis are a$$-hole$ ?
It sometimes takes guys a while to emotionaly attatch to women. He definitly knows the potential is there or he wouldn't stay. That means there is a spark. Find out wear the spark is and then poor lighter fluid on it.
Actualy girls don't realize this. One of the biggest comments a guy can give a girl is to hang around her a lot. The more we hang around a girl the more we like them. If a guy is hanging around you a lot it means he likes you a lot.
This guy is all talk and no action. He claims to be giving and tender-hearted because he knows that is what girls want to hear, then he doesn't follow through because he doesn't have those qualities. He doesn't get it because he doesn't care!
it sounds like he doesn't care about the 2 of you being together. hey did I answer all your questions? wanna chatt further? am I in the running 4 the best? lol
This is all I can say...
"Never listen to what we say...see what we do...this is what we men truly care about."Pretty clear he only cares about himself. You make the case pretty well...
Some people have low affect, which means they don't show emotion a whole lot. I'm like that. But, I am actually a highly emotional person. People just can't see it.
Be patient and his true feelings will be revealed.
yea, you write too much !
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