Even shy guys will make a move?

Even shy guys will make a move and approach women if they really want to?

I was brought up in an old-fashioned way and I think the guy should always ask the girl out and the guy should pursue the girl. I think that if a guy doesn't make the first move then he's either not interested, or not interested that much.

I know guys can be just as shy as girls, but since men are typically "hunters", doesn't that mean if you REALLY like a girl you will go out of your way to get her even if you are shy?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • In the dating game, no matter what type of chick that you are, you need to allow a guy to chase you. No matter how far we have come in terms of the modern women, a guy will simply not be in the long term attracted to you if you pursue him. Plus it's really not that fun chasing a guy anyways!

    The most that you can do in this situation is to encourage him and let him know that if he so happened to ask you out that you would accept. Basically flirt like crazy around him, but leave it at that. Don't start trying to call him, randomly bump into him or anything, because that just way too obvious.

    With that said, if he still doesn't notice, then you just might have to face the fact that he just isn't that into you and move onto the next guy that will give you the attention that you deserve

    All the best =)

    Hot Alpha Female

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    • Hey, its no fun the the nice guys to chase women either. how about evening the playing field here!!!

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    • All men are evil and pathetic creatures or most are. Unfortunately men are horrible. Most are dysfunctional and evil. If ur lucky to find a decent guy good for you. Most males are selfish narcissistic pricks who will make u suffer. I have been nothing but kind to him and then I've been basically crapped on by all men basically just treat men like shit because if you're nice to them they will treat you like shit and if you treat them like crap though come crawling back to you because they're fucked up psychos

    • @Jennsmith9982 you're a guy.

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What Guys Said 12

  • There is no such thing as a 'dating game'. It is not a game, at least for me. If you are interested in someone, you could wait for the guy to initiate something - but what if he's shy and hoping you will make a first move? If both parties are equally shy, then the chance anything will happen is practically zero. And what if you two would fit perfectly? Imagine the love that could follow?

    Girls like this 'old-fashioned' rule, but that's mostly because they never risk being turned down. It's easier if the guy makes the first move, giving you the power to choose whether or not to go out with him. Why would HE have to make the first move, and not you? When he does it first, he'll also feel like a dumbass if you don't like him. While sticking to this old-fashioned stuff, they demand emancipation - so they want to advance in one area, but not in the other. Believe me, I have nothing against emancipation and would only encourage women.

    Trust me, if you like a guy and he's not making the first move - even after you tried some flirting - ask him directly. Some guys won't notice you immediately, or don't pick up flirting well. The way a guy reacts says a lot about his personality and you'll soon enough find out if he's a jerk (in which case you now know you don't want him as a boyfriend anyway) or if he's nice (in which case you're out of luck if he says no).

    I consider myself to be pretty shy, and hardly ever asked a girl out. I only did so when I was really interested because I was really sure I liked the girl. In other cases I was interested, but afraid it would not work out because I still had to get to know her more. That's why I never asked the girl out and I'll never know if something could have been - I do regret that. But had she asked me out first, I would have said yes.

    Personally I think it's attractive when a girl takes the first move, it shows some confidence. I'm bad in picking up flirting, which is a reason I do always go out with a girl that makes the first move - even though I don't like her that way, but I do make that clear right away so the choice is up to her if she would still like to have a coffee with me or something.

    In the end, I never chase a girl too much. It can be fun for a short period of time, but when she continues seeing it as a game that needs to played I stop - no matter how much I like her. A girl that plays with me isn't worth it, because I'm serious about it.

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    • I feel exactly what your saying. This shy girl keeps showing me obvious signs (blushing, staring) but I feel like she's playing games with me to try and get my attention and talk to her. Another girl who is more social is talking to me a lot more and trying to get to know me. Tbh, when I think about the both of them, I feel way more attracted to the more social girl. I've gotten to the point where I don't even care about the shy girl and want to ask out the social girl. It's just that I don't like being ignored or played with, its actually really rude even if your shy (but come on your an adult, how can you still be THAT shy).

  • Shyness stems from a fear of rejection, and rejection begets more rejection. Basically, if a guy has a low opinion of himself, it will hurt that much more to try and fail. The guys who are out there pursuing girls all of the time don't mind rejection because they know that they're playing the odds--eventually, a girl will accept them. Guys who don't usually pursue girls tend to wait for the ideal moment to approach them--a moment that may never happen.

    You don't need to ask the guy out. Even for shy guys, that can be emasculating. However, some more obvious flirting may be in order. If you make it clear that you like him, he'll be much more likely to make the first move. Just remember that guys aren't psychic; if they don't know that you like them, then they have less reason to make a move.

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    • I do not agree... what you are saying is play mind games.... being asked out or having a girl show interest in you in a direct way is not emasculating at all. It's refreshing because like you said men are not mind readers.

      I will never feed a female's ego nor will I feed my own based on a girl letting me know she may like me.

    • In her question, she said she prefers to be asked by the guy. Therefore, if she is forced into doing the asking, she may think less of him. If he is the type of guy who doesn't appreciate being asked out, he may think less of her. I approached the question from that angle. Do you consider flirting to be a mind game? Would you date someone based on pure, hard logic without incorporating your own feelings?

    • I think it is VERY emasculating for the guy and fo rme... I feel liek the man and will think less of a guy that can't get the courage to go after what he wants, just as some guys don't like being asked out as that makes a girl seem more "manly" and assertive/aggressive, which doesn't work when you have two aggressive people in a r/s. I'm shy and passive, so need my opposite

  • Answer: Depends on how much you let them now.

    The more shy he is, the more of a clear signal he needs. That's the definition of shyness. If he would approach any female in sight, he'd be a womanizer, not a shy guy.

    My general (long-ranty) answer however is that I believe women are way too passive and subtle. They tend to want men to be telepathic, to be able to tell you like them, just because you looked at them from 50 feet away with a half a second glance. You're just setting yourself up for playas, womanizers and other emotionless guys.

    If you want a good, kind guy who will treat you as a person, be a person. If you present yourself as a reward to be won over, don't be surprised if you attract jerks who you treat you like their property.

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    • Wow. I think this is so true.

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    • yes I do always get the jerks as they are the only ones that chase me haha

    • @timberlake this is pretty much what the shy guy is feeling too; risking rejection, being embarrassed for putting himself in a vulnerable situation. I am quite shy myself and find it hard to approach and show interest for those reasons. Best thing to do I think for all parties involved is to be friendly with no thoughts of the outcome and if you do find that there is chemistry, a connection, what have you, then just make sure to show interest before the opportunity escapes you.

  • being a "hunter" has no impact whatsoever on whether or not a guy will go after a girl. They're two completely different things. Asking a guy to do all that is putting a lot of responsibility on him and makes him wonder whether or not you're worth the trouble. Relationships in the modern world need to be equal effort for both the man and the woman, and asking the man to have all the responsibilities and do all the work just doesn't work in today's world. You might as well go live on a commune or something.

    To answer your question about whether or not shy guys can get up the guts to do it or not, well, if they could, they wouldn't be shy.

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  • its called sexual harassment.

    in an age where men can get sued, or fired for just saying "hello" to a bitchy gal. some guys won't go near a woman unless its Proven she won't be 2-faced.

    I used to have a job years ago where all us guys shared one rule, DON'T say hello to the women who work in the sales dept!

    one guy got fired just for sitting at the same table in the lunch room.

    2 months AFTER he got fired, we all found out he was GAY! the girl had NOTHING to complain about!

    end of story.they never hired him back, but the boss gave him a good ref. and the girl lost so much trust from all co-workers, she ended up resigning, because no one would help her out!

    "teamwork" was big in that place, so you can imagine how bad she looked!

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    • OK but what about if you're not in a work environment? do you think a guy will still approach a girl if he really is into her?

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What Girls Said 15

  • I was raised fairly old fashioned as well. I definitely think there are certain ways girls and guys should conduct themselves. I enjoy being a lady and like when guys are gentlemen, however I think it's okay for a girl to pursue a guy. I'm just of the mindset- if I want something I have to try to get it. And if I decided I wanted to date a guy who was shy I wouldn't feel weird about saying "hey I like you, let's go out and get to know each other better".

    I don't like the "hunt" to be confused with chivalry :)

    I really didn't answer your question... I just rambled a side thought, haha.

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    • I like how so many girls are saying "I was raised old fashioned so...." wtf does that mean? I was raised to believe in God in a very religious family. I have never believed in God and I never will. Just because you are raised a certain way does not mean you must live that way. At least for me, I don't know perhaps the rest of you are just robots awaiting your programming. Where are the girls that grew up old fasioned but became more up to date? On that note, where are the opposites too?

    • and were are the guys that were taught to court a woman and go oafter the ones he thinks are "marriage material"? Guys these days are not taught how to be a man

  • I have found that not to be true at all! I have liked this shy guy for months now (and I know that he likes me because his brother said he does, plus you can really tell). Anyway, for four months he didn't make a move so I finally gave him my number. He called twice from a blocked number and didn't say anything. From the advice given here I know that it's going to take me initiating asking him out. Some guys are just really, really shy and no matter how much they like you, they just can't work up the nerve to say something. I think that since its 2008 and women are declaring that anything a man can do, we can do better, then why isn't asking a guy out included? I believe in going for what you want! LOL.

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    • He was probably really scared.

      and yes I know you woman don't bite=/

  • I was born and raised to believe that it's the guy who will ask the girl out first. Yet, after reading this and noticing some situations (included mine) I feel like I can only let the guy to see that I'm interested and cared for him. I am not even sure if he has feelings for me or not because his behaviors are confusing. One day he acts like he smiles after serving while I am singing along with the choir and looking straight at his direction although I don't sit with them; the other day he acts like normal...just like don't have any interests in me.

    He poked me before and when I turned around he gave me a big smile, but did not say anything until I said something. For no reason, he just deleted and blocked me online. YET, at church he always has the behaviors like I just mentioned above. Any ideas why he acts like that? I'm so lost!

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  • thats exactly how I was raised and taught to think .it totally makes sense even though I'm a girl

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  • Sorry not everyone abides by your rules.

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