Why does he call me if he's really 'not that into' me?

This guy I've known for three years (whom I'm in deep deep love with) is playing games with me all the time! Sometimes we would see each other as 'friends' then another time he wants to be 'lovers'! He has plenty of 'FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS' but says he doesn't want ME to be one as he gets CONFUSED about how he feels about me! He would sometimes distance himself saying he needs 'space' then he would contact me again as if nothing had happened! I am in love with him but I'm not even sure he knows it! At one time I actually believed he had deeper feelings for me too - based on stuff he would do (buy me gifts, let me take his child home etc) these things he said he would only do if cared enough about someone'.

I believed him as he seemed sincere at the time though there have been a few negatives like someone else turned up at his place when he was expecting me first then he asked ME to turn back!

Anyway, he's stopped contacting me now (last heard from over a week ago -and this is long for him as I used to hear from him almost daily!), he didn't return my last call only spoke to me online when he caught me there by chance and he says he doesn't want to sleep with me anymore..(he's said this before and we'd always end up in bed) he is my friend and I miss him but I can't stand the constant rejection and disrespect anymore!


Most Helpful Girl

  • Girl, you deserve better than this. I have been there, it won't change and you'll only get hurt.

    I know you don't want to hear that, but based on what you wrote here it seems to me that he has too many issues to ever treat you right.

    I know how hard it is to let go (i was in this kind of relationship with ons and offs for 6 years!) but I am so happy that I finally realised it/he will never change and stepped out.

    Best of luck!

    Remember, he has no right to treat you this way, you deserve better, and you will get better as soon as you let go of him.

    • The weird thing is, he said exactly that to me (that I deserve better) and that's why now he doesn't want to sleep with me! Actually, come to think of it, he's probably just too scared to say he doesn't fancy me and that's all there is to it!

What Guys Said 2

  • Walk walk walk walk walk away. He's just using you for sex.

  • I'm guessing he wants you around as a backup.


What Girls Said 6

  • He is toying with you. Have you tried to find a guy and move on? I think that would be the best. He sounds like a winner that is leading you on whenever he wants something. Sorry to sound so mean and cold. He is not a nice friend first off. Stop contacting him and move on.

    • You guys are all right and I'm trying very hard to move on with my life by doing more things for me and not contacting him. Some days are easier than others though. I have been speaking to someone else but I don't feel the same way -just can't help it!

    • I know you're right but it really bugs me is that I looked so awful the last time we met up (as I'd not slept for two whole nights). I'm now thinking (as he's very visual) that he thought I didn't 'measure up' and is basing everything on that!

  • Some guys always want to keep a girl around as their "comfort girl". She'll always be there when he wants something from her.

  • He calls you when the other friend with benefits are not available. If he is not that into you, why bother? You signed up for it (FWB) and you can revoke that contract RIGHT NOW. And honestly, the best person to ask this question, is to ask him directly.

    Time to wake up! Did you say he has plenty of friend with benefits? he could get a STD and past it on to you. Remember, even if he is using condoms, he could get HPV and past it to you via kissing. If he performs oral sex on one of his friends with benefits and vise versa (if she doing oral on him with no condom) they will all get HPV. STAY away from him and find a person who is worthy of your love. (and someone who does not use you as baby sitter for his kid). Look at you in the mirror and think about your qualities and his. However, if you feel you are not worthy of a good man, then keep on going with his booty calls. Only you have the power to brake the cycle and fall in love again with the right person.

  • I had this similar experience. The guy I was with only called on his terms. If I got to close he would find a way to break it off, but he would always call back. Sex may be a reason, but it is also because he misses you. He may not want you too get over him. Ask him and do yourself a favor. Do not call, see, or text him for 2 months and then see how you are feeling. This will drive him nuts.

  • Just ignore him...This guys does not deserve your love! Plus, he does not care about your feelings. Guys seem to have a switch that they can turn on and off. SO don't let him turn that switch as he pleases.