Never satisfied, never good enough!? help

Anonymous
I want to preface this by saying the achievements I have listed are not to brag but to give you an idea of where I am at.

I came from a very abusive childhood which has scarred me for most of my life. On the bright side I always swore to myself I wouldn't be like my dad and I WOULD be successful.

In relationships, even though I had an a amazing women, and we know it takes two in a relationship it was never good enough. I became needy, and it felt like she couldn't fill my void or I was never truly content.

As for career, I never went to post secondary school so I feel like a failure and I am trapped because I could never get another job. I am in outside sales and have consistently been in the top 2% of Canadian sales reps for our company, averaging 125% to quota, and have achieved several spring trips and almost 2 presidents clubs awards (very tough to do). Most recently I was awarded for being the top rep in our entire company in December but I still don't feel happy or proud of myself.

I feel its not good enough and I also feel unmotivated. I am afraid of losing such a great paying job, afraid I will never be able to move up in my career without post secondary school even though I have proven myself in "the real world".

My point is I struggle with feeling content with myself and my achievements, in turn feel depressed that I won't be able to do it again (fear of failure) and when I achieve what I set out to do (have numerous times) I STILL feel unhappy and like its not good enough. (maybe expecting to feel happy from people, things, or accomplishments...even though I thought that was normal)

I am having a rough go here guys and would really appreciate the help. Also, please don't put "talk with your friends" as advice as I don't have any (despite being really outgoing) because:1-I work too much and never go out. 2: I can be needy and have high expectations for friends, 3:I don't trust people and don't "let them in"...just another issue I am dealing with
Never satisfied, never good enough!? help
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