Does he keep coming back just for sex, or is he actually interested?

[Anonymous]

I've a had friends with benefits type relationship with this guy for about 5 months now. I know it's probably a stupid question to ask, but some of the things he does and says makes me wonder if he's actually interested in me. The first sign was when my friend told me that she was surprised he even kept coming back. Reason being, she knew a girl he had sex with before, and she said they had sex once, and he never talked to this girl again. The second one was, fairly recently, he asked me what we were, and he told me that he liked me. We cuddle and talk sometimes before we do anything, but we've only hung out about once. He keeps coming back for more, but I don't know if it's just for the sex or because he's actually interested in me.

[UberTroll]

If you always seem to have sex when you hang out, if he can't hang out with you without trying to put the moves on you, or if he doesn't want to hang out with you if there's not going to be sex involved, it's just sex. Honestly after five months if you've only hung out once without having sex, it's very likely just sex and he's just telling you the things you want to hear to keep you putting out.

If you're looking for relationships and not flings and you want to avoid this kind of sloppy situation in the future, don't sleep with a guy until you're in a relationship with him.

[Asker]

Like I said, I didn't get into this wanting a relationship, I wanted something casual too. It turned to feelings after a while, but hey, I guess that's a woman's downfall.

[rudy37lee]

The only way you'd know, is to quit having sex with him and tell him you only want to continue seeing him if he's interested in a relationship.

[kheserthorpe]

Agree with second part, not sure how quitting sex is going to make him want a relationship. It would seem to me it would do the obvious. Like, oh, we were just having sex all the time, but now about instead we have commitment and NO sex? Yeah, that's tempting ..

[rudy37lee]

I didn't mean quit to get him to want a relationship. I meant she'll know if that's all he's after, if he doesn't want to be around her anymore. The best way to have gone about it would have been to not sleep with him UNTIL she knew he wanted a commitment. Obviously too late for that now, though.

[Asker]

lol I understand, I figured he was just kind of telling me what he think's I want to here. Truthfully, I didn't get into it with him wanting a relationship. I just wanted something casual, then I guess we both caught feelings, or, at least I did. It is a little to late for that unfortunately. With him, he's kind of unpredictable, and it's hard to tell what he's thinking.

[rudy37lee]

That's typically why FWB only works out for a little while. Either one person starts to acquire feelings for the other person, or they had feelings for them from the get go. Emotions have no place in a relaitionship like that and someone always gets hurt when emotions start to play a part. Maybe just tell him you aren't looking for anything casual anymore, if he wanted to be with you, you'd consider it.

[Asker]

Yeah you have a point, thank for the help!