Why is that emotionally unstable guys are super affectionate?

wHY IS it that guys who are not emotionally ready for relationships are super affectionate and hug you, kiss you and hold you? its creepy in a way and they are more affectionate than my actual boyfriends were! Why is this phenomenon?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Being super affectionate is not an indicator that a person is ready for a relationship. In fact, excessive affection can itself be a sign that they *aren't* ready for it. So I think that their overly affectionate behavior is because they may still be maturing, figuring out what love and atttraction really are, and feeling their way through all their emotions. It's a trial and error process that has weird results while it's occuring, but will eventually (hopefully) help them become ready for a relationship by allowing them to know what they desire and what they're comfortable with.


What Guys Said 7

  • Creepy " ? Don't abuse the word.

    They're just not on your wavelength at some moments: nothing abnormal. Could it be your boyfriends are/were not affectionate enough and are mainly or only into sex?

  • They might be insecure and they want your attention at all times, because they lack confidence in themselves.

    Anyway there are different degrees of "super affection." Just because a guy gives you more affection than you are used to doesn't mean that he is necessarily insecure. He might just be an affectionate kind of guy. Hugging you and holding you close is also fun for a guy, because that means your boobs get to rub up against us and that feels nice. So we want your boobs to rub against us as often as possible if we can get away with it.

  • what it means is some men know their faults, and try to make up for those faults in other areas.

    it also means that you are a very unforging person. I feel bad for the guys who are just trying their best, and you put them down.

  • I think that it may be a maturity issue. Guys who always want to hug and kiss you may be less mature then guys who are thinking about the future and about having a serious relationship. Just a theory..

    • How would you explain the hugging and kissing of adults and "older" people then? Yes, they do it and morethan you seem to think. If your parents don't hug, there could be a slight problem betwen them.

  • haha I think I'm one of those guys who are super affectionate, I want to be with my girlfriend a lot and just be close... well really I'm not insecure or whatever and have confidence in myself, my guess is that it is just a strong emotion and possibly the lack of having someone there besides them to love and be with so its like an outburst of love...hope I helped

  • "Emotionally unstable" means a lot of different things, and is rather vague. So if you can more specifically define someone's problem or behavior, it'll help give a more specific answer.

    But in general, I'd guess that someone who has emotional problems might be desperate for affection. They might be clingy because they want so badly for someone to approve of them.


What Girls Said 3

  • i just got done dating one of these guys (he broke up with me because he said he wasn't ready to be vulnerable to being hurt again). he had gone through a terrible breakup and when we started dating was always super affectionate when we hung out etc. he is also ridiculously insecure and displays the classic signs: the need for constant validation, constant attention (incessant texting), the need to constantly act "cool" in front of other guys, the need to have a girlfriend that OTHER guys think is hot and a chameleon personality depending on the type of people he is hanging out with. Things were going really well but we hit a little bump in the road because of a misunderstanding and some drunken hearsay and basically as soon as that happened I think he checked out emotionally, regardless of the fact that it turned out to be completely false. naturally it sucks for us, because being female, the affection is kind of what helps draw us in. we thrive off of that stuff! I'm p*ssed I fell for it.

  • They're overcompensating for their inability to be open emotionally. Guys think that if they are physically affectionate, it won't matter that they are unable to communicate their feelings. I've had this quite often with guy friends and friends of friends. It's a sign that they aren't ready for a relationship, but at least they get to feel close to someone else. So in a sense, they are using you, but not out of spite... they just want to feel wanted and/or needed.

    Word of the wise- don't let yourself get caught up in their touchiness. Be grateful for their friendship, but don't fall for someone who cannot commit to you both physically AND emotionally.

  • Based upon experience, it usually stems from the fact that subconsciously they do want to be in a relationship BUT the fear of abandonment and all the things that can go wrong in a relationship forces them to not take that chance. It is far from creepy. I'm in love with a guy I can't be with for exactly those reasons. He wants me as much as he can BUT there is that insurmountable barrier. He's scared of being abandoned which without question stems from issues that came from his childhood! The irony is that whilst they can't be in a relationship, they crave all the perks of being in one all the more. They need the affection more than most. They want to feel wanted. They need to BUT they don't want the commitment at all. They just can't deal with it!

    PS. This applies to women as well!

    • True, if you help me out on a bigger level my question in relationship section is "when he says he's not ready"....i would appreciate it

    • I tend to agree with you. I have also this guy I like and I'm pretty sure he likes me too, but he recently came out of the relationship, which turned out bad and I think he is really scared to jump into another plus he is shy. He doesn't want to go out with me, but at the same time he doesn't want to let me go. Sometimes it drives me crazy, but I'm still patient, don't know for how long though.