Why is she so afraid I'll leave her?

Question

Hi all,

My girlfriend and I have an AMAZING relationship. She deeply loves me, and I deeply love her. Its almost like we have the perfect relationship, in fact, she says that she has a lot of jealous women over her having me. One thing I have been wondering though, is why my girlfriend is so terrified that I might leave her.

Now, I do realize that she is somewhat emotional, and has admitted she tends to worry a lot. She also had an ex cheat on her, so that might add to her fears. In addition, I admit that I have been burned by some girls in the past, and *long before we became closer than just friends*, I did say that I wasn't really sure if I wanted relationships anymore, since based on past relationships, I always get screwed in one way or another.

But she's different. I can tell she is deeply in love with me, and is not out to use me or lead me on, like the rest of the girls I had in the past.

She has said she has had a nightmare about me leaving her, has broke down crying when she's lonely (when I am not around-like at her work) because she is scared to lose me, and seems to talk herself down every so often, saying "you'll find someone better than me," (even though I emphasize that she has really got all the qualities and more in a girl that I want; I never had to lower my "standards" for her).

So my question is, why is she afraid I'll leave her, and what are some ways for me to reassure her that I am not (besides telling her I won't, which I already do)?

good-looking-geek · Accepted Answer

The fact that she knows that other girls want you probably fuels her insecurity the most. Reassure her that you are not interested in any other girl. And reassure her that she does not have to compete with anybody for you, because she has you already.

She definitely spends a lot of time with you, but does she spend time with you in public or in the company of others along with you? Get her to interact more with her friends and you and your friends in the same setting. She will see you in your element, and that will reassure her that you are not up to anything suspicious when you are in your element. Maybe try going on a double date with another friend or hers or yours also.

Ironically, when she interacts with only you, that can fuel her fear even more. Perhaps she should spend more time with others and not only you so much. The interaction with other people will make her a more social person and she will not fear people so much. She doesn't only fear losing you, but she fears people in general. Get her to be more comfortable among a group of friends along with you, such that she will understand that not everybody is her enemy (especially the girls). It will also help her relax and enjoy life more.

Right now her views about life induce an incredible amount of stress. Getting her to socialize with others will get her to change her attitude about life and reduce her stress. She is afraid of almost everybody except for you, and you need to change that fact about her.

Liberate · Accepted Answer

I've been in this situation.  There is always the possibility she is unintentionally or even intentionally trying to guilt you, so that you won't leave.  It was intentional for the person I was with possibly cause I WAS losing interest and she noticed, so when I was told this by several of my gal friends, I backed of and left.  For you though it looks like it's unintentional, don't worry about it.  So the reason is probably because of past boyfriends.

blondie13 · Accepted Answer

She may have trust or commitment issues. I have trust issues because when I was younger every time I close close to someone or let someone new into my life they made it worse.  For example right when I was old enough to really know my grandmother she died and a few weeks after I met my grandfather we found out he was a compolsive drinker and a drug addict and I was never allowed to talk to him again. Many people I thought were friends ditched me as soon as they became "popular" or used the information they knew about me to cut me down if they got jealous.   A few guys who really liked me said that they would hurt me by going out with me because he knew he would just leave me.  My parents had provided for me forever but then one day just stopped and told me I could pay for my own things. The problem is so severe that when I think I'm getting close to someone I can't accept that it's for real. I end the relationship with the person or just cut them off from everything I do. I guess that what I'm saying is that sometimes past experences can influence their life.

lovebuggy1221 · Accepted Answer

i think that she's afraid that your gunna leave her because she's been burned in the past. its tough to get over something like that especially if you were really involved in the relationship.

its good that you keep telling her that you won't leave her, but I'm sure that the other guy said the same things... just do a little something extra for her each and every day to assure her that she's your one and only. buy her flowers, take her to the movie she's dieing to see, buy her some tickets for a concert that you know she would love write her little love letters bring her candy. just little things like that.

if she still is super worried after a while and you have to tell her every day that you won't leave her, then there might be something in her personality that she needs to think about before she can fully commit to this amazing relationship that you two have. just give it a little more time and make sure to have thoughtful, long meaningful conversations with her every day about how much you love her.

hope all goes well :)

CCgirl72 · Accepted Answer

she's probably been burned by guys worse then she lets on, or at least hurt by one in particular, and your probably so much better then anyone she's been with especially when you talk about your relationship, I'm sure she's just worried that if you were to leave she would be all alone and not really know how to move on, it's hard for a lot of women to be in a really good relationship and not worry about the guy leaving because we see it all the time and hear about it all the time. Anyways I would just try to explain to her that you love her and that you feel like she's really more special to you then any other girl could be and that you feel comfortable around her and aren't looking for anyone else so there is no need to worry.

Hope that helped

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I agree with what MissLynn said. Also, you are probably already doing this but I think doing little things can show a girl how dedicated you are to her. Whether it be showing up randomly with flowers, offering to take her places just to spend more time together, ect. Little things like that over time show a girl how dedicated you are. If you do these things and do what you are already doing, it will be clear to her how genuine you are.

Autumnbaby352 · Answer

Well it sounds like the fact that her ex cheated on her put her on edge and because she loves you so deeply, she's probably even more scared than you know. The abandonment issue could possibly be one that she's facing for many different reasons such as if her parents divorced or she had friends who moved away all the time, I mean there's many possible reasons. Maybe you should ask if she'd like to meet with a psychiatrist or counselor to see if that helps her identify the fears she has, why she has them, and how to control them.

Hope this helps

;]

jennylee · Answer

Yes she seems to have some sort of issue that is for sure..Perhaps it is a "abandonment" issue or very, very low self esteem..

Unfortunately nothing you do or say will stop her from feeling the way she does..This is her issue and her issue alone, and only she can arise from it...

You could maybe help her feel amazing about herself, but she has to believe it...until then I think you are going to have to deal with her hang ups. In the long-term you may get frustrated with always coddling an emotional wreck, as it can become very irritating ( for you) I wish you luck, and I hope she can get her confidence back...because until then she will never be truly happpy nor anyone that ends up with her, whether that be you or not. Good Luck

MissLynn20011 · Answer

You answerd your question. She's emotional and has been hurt before. My boyfriend

is faithful, honest, and the best ever but I am still worried. It just happens because once

you feel like everything is perfect its in your head that something is bond to happen. just

always keep her company. tell her exactly what you said on here. Just be honest and

faithful to her...and sooner or later she'll realize that your true with your word.

hope I helped some(:

Shiner4 · Answer

It sounds like she has really been hurt and is definitely extremely self concious.  Tell her it worries you that she is always so worried.  Trust is very difficult for girls after having a history of getting screwed over.  It sounds like you really care for her and keep telling her that.  It also seems like she needs some girl intervention by friends who can show her its important for her to love herself and not worry so much on you attention.  Its great that you do and all but she needs that to trust you.  If that makes any since!

nicolecentral · Answer

Hmm.. It seems like a perfect Relationship I think she think that you want to leave her because there's nothing wrong.. I mean It's So perfect.. there has to be something wrong in the relationship.. do you know what I mean? D=

and Probably so you did say her Ex cheated on her.. did he leave her at anytime of their relationship?

jessthepanda · Answer

okay! hi to start! how are you? j/k back to your question. obviously she [and you] have been hurt. this is probably the reason she is scared. asa female lol I know that I too fear that the guy I'm with will leave from past expiriences. 1 thing I find very reassuring is to tell her you do love her of course and tell her how you know what it feels like to have you heart torn and that you would never ever let her feel that way! hopefully this helps. anymore questions for me... feel free. just remind me of your question! - jess

Anonymous · Answer

Show her that you care, give her more attention and tells her that you love her and she's all you want. Of course you have to mean that. I think her past like the cheating ex boyfriend scares her. I don't blame her I know how it feels. It's just that she has to fight hard to trust you. You have to show her that you can be trusted (you won't cheat etc.)

Anonymous · Answer

Just keep doing what you're doing. Give her lots of love, respect, keep the romance fires burning.

Words don't mean a whole lot to women. Actions count more. So you can't really force it. give her some time. Eventually, and it could take a while, she'll lose her insecurity.

Anonymous · Answer

My guess is sometghing that happened in the past my Girlfriend is kinda like that but her ex hit her so whenever I get mad she like backs up and it really kinda embarrising  because I would never hit her. But just work with her and comfort her and hope for the best

stalinhornsby · Answer

You might consider marriage and work on the relationship with all your money in one pot. It sounds like a committment issue; but , I tell you marriage is okay even if it only suppresses the fear of splitting up.

rory520 · Answer

She's just been hurt. After women feel that pain its like our worst fear to go back there

wally · Answer

show her that you do care about her not only in words but also in actions.

Thedisturbed1 · Answer

She thinks you are her only person that she feels safe around and if you leave her then she will feel scared, unloved, and unwanted. So dont leave her.

FukSusan · Answer

Marriage.You havn't got married.maybe a marriage certificate is a guarantee , an insurance for her.

Why is she so afraid I'll leave her?

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