I am an ugly guy, how can I make more female friends and get a girlfriend?

Hi there.

I am a guy. I got picked on quite a lot when I was a kid. I was fat but I was top student in school for maths and science. Sometimes people would make negative comments about my appearance because I had a very chubby face and belly. I wasn't popular with the girls. After I have a hair cut, girls would usually comment that I have a big face as if I was some kinda freak. So since then I knew I wasn't good looking. On top of that some guys would joke about my appearance or tell me that no matter how smart I am no girls would like me because I am ugly and stop trying to use marks to get attention. So since then I had very little to do with girls my age. Even today although I have a lot of guy friends I have less than 5 female friends. This is because those people still makes me feel that my face repel girls.

Older generation eg parents' friends say I am a handsome guy, but I doubtful of their opinions, I think they are trying to be nice to my parents or that their opinion of beauty is out dated. Now I am no longer fat, I look lean and healthy, but I still don't THINK I am good looking after all that crap I been through at school. Today girls would make eye contact with me when they walk pass me. However I THINK they look at me because they don't want to bump into me rather than I am appealing to them. When I see them looking at me I would look away, I don't want to see that awkward look they put on their face when they see me, girls were so used to doing that back at school especially the pretty ones, and I have been looking away ever since. This has severely affected my ability to socialise with female in general even today. I am aware of it, trying to improve that. It is very difficult, with the low self esteem I have, I just feel that the best I can do is to get aquainted with them, but they wouldn't want to consider me as their good friend or boy friend. I don't think I will ever have a chance in this life to have a pretty female friend or pretty girl friend. I hate my face. It has deprived me of my right to have a girl friend, and to be sociable person. I would be a much more successful person today if I had a better face and a more pleasant school experience with girls. Self confidence is the number 1 thing to success, it affects absolutely everything I do. If people laughed at me because of my bad marks, then at least I could do something to improve it. But if I don't have a face with good features, there's not much I can do about it. Except get plastic surgery. I have been thinking about it for the past 5 years. Now I am 21. I think it is the only remedy to my self doubts. The bottom of my problem is that doesn't matter what people think about my appearance anymore, It is what I think about myself. My personal image of myself from experience is bad. There needs to be some physical or mental change before I feel confident again. but I feel that mental change is just lying to myself and not tackling the problem.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not sure what your question is because you went off on a tangent here about your looks.

    First off, "I don't think I will ever have...a pretty girlfriend." Seems like you are just as focused on looks as the girls you complain about! What about a girl who is average-looking, but that you actually like? Why do you have to have a girl that's considered beautiful? I notice this double standard a lot with guys - how come no pretty girls will go out with me just because I'm not good-looking? You're being just as superficial.

    If you want plastic surgery, get it. But no reputable plastic surgeon will do it unless you've had counselling, if you think it will solve your problems. Unless you are really hideous, I don't think it could have that much of an effect on other people.

    Have you tried counselling? It sounds like a good therapist could help you better than a website. Self-esteem is a complicated issue. I hope you are able to resolve it.

    • I guess everyone would like to have a good looking partner, but I don't mind a girl who is average looking to be my girl friend as long as we have common interest. However I wouldn't get to know more about her if I have this 'barrier' of thinking that they wouldn't be interested in me. Its hard to get rid of it because my pass experience is still haunting me. Just wondering what kind of counselling were you refering to that can fix up my self esteem. I am not hideous looking, maybe this can help.

    • I was thinking of cognitive-behaviour therapy. There is lots of information about it on the net. One of the best books about it is Feeling Good by David Burns. There's also the Feeling Good Handbook, which has some exercises and is less academic. Basically, it's about changing the way you think, which many psychologists believe is the root of most of our problems. It is therapy that relaly does work and doesn't have to take years. I really do wish you good luck!

    • if your ugly be deal just go for the girl like your a king.