I am an ugly guy, how can I make more female friends and get a girlfriend?

Hi there.

I am a guy. I got picked on quite a lot when I was a kid. I was fat but I was top student in school for maths and science. Sometimes people would make negative comments about my appearance because I had a very chubby face and belly. I wasn't popular with the girls. After I have a hair cut, girls would usually comment that I have a big face as if I was some kinda freak. So since then I knew I wasn't good looking. On top of that some guys would joke about my appearance or tell me that no matter how smart I am no girls would like me because I am ugly and stop trying to use marks to get attention. So since then I had very little to do with girls my age. Even today although I have a lot of guy friends I have less than 5 female friends. This is because those people still makes me feel that my face repel girls.

Older generation eg parents' friends say I am a handsome guy, but I doubtful of their opinions, I think they are trying to be nice to my parents or that their opinion of beauty is out dated. Now I am no longer fat, I look lean and healthy, but I still don't THINK I am good looking after all that crap I been through at school. Today girls would make eye contact with me when they walk pass me. However I THINK they look at me because they don't want to bump into me rather than I am appealing to them. When I see them looking at me I would look away, I don't want to see that awkward look they put on their face when they see me, girls were so used to doing that back at school especially the pretty ones, and I have been looking away ever since. This has severely affected my ability to socialise with female in general even today. I am aware of it, trying to improve that. It is very difficult, with the low self esteem I have, I just feel that the best I can do is to get aquainted with them, but they wouldn't want to consider me as their good friend or boy friend. I don't think I will ever have a chance in this life to have a pretty female friend or pretty girl friend. I hate my face. It has deprived me of my right to have a girl friend, and to be sociable person. I would be a much more successful person today if I had a better face and a more pleasant school experience with girls. Self confidence is the number 1 thing to success, it affects absolutely everything I do. If people laughed at me because of my bad marks, then at least I could do something to improve it. But if I don't have a face with good features, there's not much I can do about it. Except get plastic surgery. I have been thinking about it for the past 5 years. Now I am 21. I think it is the only remedy to my self doubts. The bottom of my problem is that doesn't matter what people think about my appearance anymore, It is what I think about myself. My personal image of myself from experience is bad. There needs to be some physical or mental change before I feel confident again. but I feel that mental change is just lying to myself and not tackling the problem.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not sure what your question is because you went off on a tangent here about your looks.

    First off, "I don't think I will ever have...a pretty girlfriend." Seems like you are just as focused on looks as the girls you complain about! What about a girl who is average-looking, but that you actually like? Why do you have to have a girl that's considered beautiful? I notice this double standard a lot with guys - how come no pretty girls will go out with me just because I'm not good-looking? You're being just as superficial.

    If you want plastic surgery, get it. But no reputable plastic surgeon will do it unless you've had counselling, if you think it will solve your problems. Unless you are really hideous, I don't think it could have that much of an effect on other people.

    Have you tried counselling? It sounds like a good therapist could help you better than a website. Self-esteem is a complicated issue. I hope you are able to resolve it.

    • I guess everyone would like to have a good looking partner, but I don't mind a girl who is average looking to be my girl friend as long as we have common interest. However I wouldn't get to know more about her if I have this 'barrier' of thinking that they wouldn't be interested in me. Its hard to get rid of it because my pass experience is still haunting me. Just wondering what kind of counselling were you refering to that can fix up my self esteem. I am not hideous looking, maybe this can help.

    • I was thinking of cognitive-behaviour therapy. There is lots of information about it on the net. One of the best books about it is Feeling Good by David Burns. There's also the Feeling Good Handbook, which has some exercises and is less academic. Basically, it's about changing the way you think, which many psychologists believe is the root of most of our problems. It is therapy that relaly does work and doesn't have to take years. I really do wish you good luck!

    • if your ugly be deal just go for the girl like your a king.


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What Girls Said 2

  • You're going to want someone who loves you for you, trust me. Not all girls care about looks so much, even the pretty ones. Let me remind you- we all get old and ugly eventually. My boyfriend used to be just like you. He was fat in high school- like 300 lbs fat. When I met him he wasn't 'fat' anymore but I guess he was chubby, I just didn't notice. Since we've started dating, and its been over a year, he's lost a lot of weight I guess. He works out everyday. I've always loved the way I feel so safe in his arms when he holds me. I fell in love with HIM though, his body is just that- his body. He takes care of himself much better now and he's probably in the best shape of his life now- he's military. His confidence has gotten so much better since dating me. He's amazed that he has me, that someone could love him for who he is. I love that man with all my heart and he is the greatest man I ever met, and I'm not ugly. I could be dating the best looking guys but let me tell you something: I've never really liked those guys. They were usually all assholes and had the worst personalities. So what I'm saying is, give it up. Just take care of yourself and everyone who cares more about what you look like can f*** off, because they aren't worth your time anyways. Believe me.

  • Don't worry I am ugly too :)


What Guys Said 2

  • The problem is in your mind. Confidence. I cannot tell you where the magic pill is, that is going to change the way you think. You have to find it on your own, and save yourself. Once you grow up, and become a man, you'll realize that change can happen as fast as you desire. In a second.

    Your perception of yourself will alter, and you will be viewed differently by others. The problem...is your own mind. Calm the mind, and you will free yourself. I will add nothing further.

  • I think I should tell you my story. As a kid I was teased cus of the way I looked, mainly cus of my nose.By the time I was 18 I had grown into it,but I still thought I was ugly,and I was deeply paranoid about it,it put a big strain on my life.At 19 I was in college,and my nickname was p*rnstar,the "in crowd" wanted to be friends with me,people would tell me I was good looking and "gorgeous" all the time,and guess what,I didn't listen to no-one,I genuinely believed I WAS UGLY! Women would grab my ass in bars and make a lot of eye contact with me,I would look down and look away,I thought they did it to everyone,and that when they saw my nose close up,they would think I was disgusting.I couldn't understand how I could be so teased for being ugly through my teens,and then all of a sudden people were telling me I could be a model,how could this be possible,it made no sense,I still believed I was ugly with a big nose,it baffled me that people couldn't see the ugly face I saw in the mirror.When I was 21,I had a nose job. It was a disaster.The surgeon was no good, he botched it,I had a nose that looked rediculous on my face,in my efforts to try and get rid of my big nose,i had a nose that didn't match my face,I was far uglier than before,thanks to plastic surgery.I noticed women weren't checking me out anymore,I couldn't believe what I had done,i was suicidal.I wanted my old nose back and I realized the hard way,that the nose I had from birth,was the one that belonged on my face.A few years passed,sometimes people would still tell me I was good looking during that time but I had to make a real effort with my looks.I decided to take action and do something about the error I had made at 21.At 24 I got opinions from other surgeons and they all agreed I had a botched nose job,and some of them felt it was too difficult to go near it.I found a surgeon who said he could help.He rectified my nose somewhat and it was much better and more in proportion with my face (but I would have done anything to just turn back the clock and not done it in the first place).I was much better looking after that,i noticed a lot more female attention,but I still had the same problem,inside me I had a deep rooted belief I was ugly,and I STILL wouldn't make eye contact with women.The years have passed by,I am now 30.I am much older looking,I don't have the good looks I had,my hair is receding,i rarely get attention off women,i'm a little better with eye contact but it rarely happens,and that's life,you get older and lose your looks.The other day a friend who hadn't seen me in ten years bumped into me.He said "didn't you use to be good looking". Yes I did, and I didn't know it, if only I knew, if only I listened to people. I was getting all that attention, and I threw it away believing I was ugly. The irony is now I really am, and I want to sit my 19 year old self down and talk sense into him.Take what you want from my story,find the morals in there,don't make the same mistakes I did.