Not ready for a relationship??
I'm confused on what this girl is thinking. We were hanging out for about a month. She admitted she liked me and I like her. After this though she became more distant. Basically I was the one who had to start calling and setting everything up. So I decided to talk to her about this, which might have been a mistake. She ended up telling me nothing was wrong. She said right now she doesn't have time for a relationship but would like to keep hanging out together. This confused me even more. It wasn't like anything happened to create any bad feelings between us. So what could she be thinking? Should I give it awhile and start talking to her again? Sooner? Or just move on?
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
I see this kind of question a lot, and I have to be honest, I have stated those deadly "im not ready for a relationship right now" words before, and I've heard them. To give you an example, back in october, I was hanging out with this guy, he told me he liked me, and wanted me to meet his family, then out of the blue he "wasnt ready for a relationship"..he told me he was confused, and didn't think he was over his ex...just recently, about a week ago, he apologized for what had happened, and said he wanted to take me out and start over...whether he actaully wasn't over his ex or was truly confused I will never no, nor do I really care at this point, because I've moved on...so you have to take into consideration that maybe there may be an ex in the picture whom she's not full over...she may also be interested in another guy and once to keep you around just in case the other one doesn't work out...shes genuinly doesn't have time for a realtionship...or is just saying this to let you down easy...you wil never no what the reason is..personally, I say this to guys when I'm not ready to be in a relationship with THEM...i know how girls are when they are into a guy, and they WILL find the time to be with you, they would be too scared to lose you...but like I said from my experience the guys who have said this to me in my past HAVE eventually popped up wanting to try things over...if I were you I would pull back, once you pull back, you may naturally just move on, and realize your not as into her as you thought...either way, I wouldn't still be asking her to hang out and initiating contact because, from my past I no the worst thing you can do is wait around...so stary trying to talk to other girls, let her be, people who say this normally need space..and if and when she decides to get in touch with you to start hanging out and talk, follow your gut, if she seems genuine and just needed time you will know...just don't sit around, pursuing her..
What Girls Said 6
I understand where this girl is coming from, it must be a girl thing. When a girl puts herself out there and tells a guy she likes him, she needs to know that he likes her too. you just saying that isn't enough, she needed you to prove it by asking her out. I think the problem here is that your girl didn't think about it enough when she told you, she probably didn't know what to expect from you and then when you said you liked her back she freaked out.
I think you should keep trying, but don't push her, if she's not ready for a relationship then keep hanging out as friends and see where it goes from there.
OK, let me tell you the possible answers to your problem...
- She could be slack and just never want to do anything because she may want to rather stay home than make any plans
- She could in fact be doing stuff with other people and not just you (sorry that I'm being harsh but just because I irl isn't making plans or somehting doesn't mean they don't want to do anything)
- she could like someone else. Everyone can changed their mind about who they like
- Doesn't want a comitment or doesn't want to rush into things
... yada yada yada..
you get it right
i think that if you two are meant to be, I WILL HAPPEN!
dont worry about it
fate is a big part in the world and it chooses.
if your not meant to be together than you won't be
BUT that doesn't mean you don't fight for something
keep trying buddy :)
Maybe she's busy with something right now in her life and she might not want to explain everything to you because she doesn't want to burden you with what's going on with her life...I mean, if you feel she likes you and she seemed flustered at the time and like you said, nothing bad happened, chances are she still likes you, but perhaps some other factor like family/ school is preventing her being fully committed to you right now...that's what I think. It's possible.
There are kind of two ways this could be going. One, she could really just be short on time. I'm a graduate student and can sympathize with that. I love that my life is packed with things to do (obviously, right, I'm sitting here answering questions... haha). Anyway, I don't have a lot of time and so were I to think about dating someone, they'd probably have to put in a good deal of the effort towards hanging out. Not really fair, but the reality of my situation. On the *other* hand, I've used that as an excuse before for not wanting to put any effort into dating someone. So, I think, if she's interested, she'll make at least a small effort at hanging out. I'd say go ahead and talk to her. I don't think you'll really screw anything up too badly, but be prepared for the possibility that she's not really that interested.
Kind of a wishy-washy answer, I know. Good luck. Maybe the best thing to do would be to suggest something casual and friend-esque. See if that flies.
What Guys Said 5
First, in the beginning, calling and setting everything up is the man's job. Get used to it.
What is she thinking? She told you: she isn't ready for a relationship, but she wants to keep hanging out.
Let her know that you ARE ready, and that you're ready to wait a while, but not forever. Then, steady as she goes.
I think this is a classic case...that happens everyday...and I'm doing the EXACT same thing right now...Me and a girl dated for three months...and she was super into me...invited me here..there...wherever...I met her friends...came to her parents house...all that. Then one day she pulled a 180, out of the blue, and said she doesn't want to force anything...and likes me and wants to be with me, but needs time alone. Keep in mind, she is a grad student and full time worker...as am I, so time was always kinda tough. She said I did nothing, but she just doesn't want to pressure a relationship now.
There are multiple trains of thought here...if you are pessimistic and bitter...you can think she's out with other guys...or just doesn't like you and is letting you down easy...lying to you...but you really have to know that actions speak louder than words...and if it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, and quacks like a duck...ITS A DUCK..lol...trust your gut...Has she lied to you before? is she a bad character? or can you trust her word that maybe she just is too busy for a committed relationship...as they take a lot of work? Only you know how this girl acted with you...and that should tell you if she's into you or not...not all girls are liars and cheaters...but they act emotionally, not rationally.
Your best route here is to give her space. Don't EVER pressure a woman into anything...you will dig a hole. Time heals everything. It will be tough to do, but its the best. It gives her the chance to settle her life...it gives her time to miss you...and it gives you time to figure out if you really want her or not. Don't call her...text her...etc for a couple of weeks...like I said..time reveals the truth as well...if it was another guy that caused this...you'll find out...if it really was her being busy, you will know...whatever the reason may be, it will come to light with time. I've been hurt many times...and this time is no different...but you have to approach this correctly...if she's into you...and you know with your heart she is...she'll be back...if she lied to you...you don't want that in your life anyways...but by the time you figure it out...you'll be in a better place. Don't yell at her...don't push her...just step back...realize that not all woman are bad people...they just think differently...and allow the chips to fall...
It means she SHE DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU...PERIOD.
Take it any other way you want but that's the answer.
If she was going to be "busy" you would have known it and/or seen it coming, ie applying for a new job, college etc. If she really liked you she would have told you what she was up to eg "cant wait for ..."
The biggest mistake was asking the question of "what is going on..." that was useless because you knew she was gonna tell you whatever you wanted to hear. and ALWAYS remember ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
What I think really happened is either the ex came back, or she is interested in another guy... because she was making all the moves at first, my guess from my experience, is she enjoys the challenge but once she gets the person its NEXT.. and when you started to show her you do like her (not your fault btw) she went NEXT.
Also they could be an EX round the corner.
Either way its not in your favour, my advice would be to stop calling her as of now.
u'll get over it and because its been a month, you'll forget about her quicker than you could imagine..
Easiest way start by seeing other people..
First off, good luck in trying to figure out what women think. You'll see that every time you think have it down, they do something completely random that throws you off balance and sometimes it feels like a cold slap on the skin.
I imagine it's the same thing for women too.
If you truly like this girl, then wait around for her to get ready. Something big must be going on in her life right now, later on she'll think of you as noble for sticking around and give you a chance. Just keep in contact, but not too much contact. She doesn't want to date an annoying guy who keeps calling her.
In my experience, "Not ready for a relationship right now" usually means "I'm not ready for a relationship *with you*"
Since you want more, I suggest you move on. At least for now. If she changes her opinion (or if the other guy(s) she's seeing don't work out), she knows how to reach you.
Incidentally, your situation is a perfect example of why "hanging out" can be a bad idea. It creates confusion as to the status of the relationship and about expectations. Try more Dates.
And being honest about your feelings is never a mistake. You might not like the *consequences* of being honest, but at least you made and effort.