Why does he look so tense?

[Anonymous]

I have a huge crush on this guy. He's a very confident guy in his late 30s. You can find him smiling and joking around with everyone. He caught me looking at him a few times. Until then he was fine with that. As my crush grows, I become super shy around him and (can't help but) start to act as if he's not there whenever he's around (and he seemed to notice that). Lately, he looks to tense around me. No more smile and he just looked at me with wide eyes when we're face to face. Sometimes, he deliberately ignores me (compared to his warm behavior s in the past). The other day, he accidentally looked at me (maybe mistaken with another person) and as soon as he realized I saw that, he turned his head as if he had a huge regret for looking my way. He's THAT cautious with me now :(

Does he think I'm weird? Is he trying so hard to show he doesn't like me? Or does he even dislike me (because he thinks I'm weird)?

Oh my... when it comes to him, my reasoning ability is totally gone! Please help me!

[sandy343244]

You and him sound exactly like me and a woman at work so spooky and from being the male in this situation I am doing exactly what you have described this guy doing to you

With the woman I know she is doing what your doing we both are interested in each other and she ignores and pushes me away, says she does not want to talk to me etc and it has got awkward. We both look and stare at each other but I am now acting like this guy as I feel like she does not want me near her and if I do anything other than stay away from her which is what she says she wants I feel like a creep. Right now I feel a tad creepy being in the same area as her even though I do nothing and I have started to just ignore her so I don't get labelled anything as we work in the same area at work.

Since he like me feels that if he approaches you now it's something you don't want as that is what he feels he stays away to avoid being labelled a creep and feels you don't value/want him.

If your not confident enough to walk upto him then email/Facebook messenger him or get someone he knows to talk to him or just give him your number etc.

Otherwise your be in the situation where I am now where this woman embarrassed me on Friday by saying "I don't want to talk to you" after she had approached me previously and I had blanked her due to me spacing out due to a breakup and I'm now moving past her so soon for me I won't even junk about her like that anymore.

Talk to him, flirt with him, do anything positive to get his attention, buy him a cup of coffee etc, anything to get his attention even if you leave it on his desk. Any normal person where there is mutual interest between you two will get it

He does not find you weird or hate you, I don't hate or find this woman weird he is most likely confused as you stare at him but ignore/be mean to him so he thinks your playing with him.

Talk to him do anything positive etc. For me I will speak to her friend at work that she knows and just lay it on the line as I know it will get back to her and leave it at that.

But talk to him show any signs of interest!!!

[Anonymous]

It's much much more likely that you're reading stuff into what isn't there. He probably doesn't think you're weird. He probably doesn't think about you at all.

Girls have a tendency to look at random behavior , and try to assign meaning to it. You're shy and not confident, so you assume when he looks away from you that he knows it's you and is disgusted or annoyed with you. A girl who was confident would assume he looked away because he was shy or nervous or otherwise intimidated by her.

And you'd both be wrong. Chances are he looked away because his head turned that direction.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your answer. Yes, there are times that I think maybe he doesn't even notice me or know that I exist. But, I'm still puzzled because he used to be warm and friendly towards me. He just started to act that way soon after I became so shy and kind of ignoring him (because I got so nervous around him). It was like he suddenly changes (it was so obvious compared to his behavior s in the past). Anyway, I agree there's a possibility that your thoughtful answer is right. Thanks heap!

[Anonymous]

I had the exact same situation with my crush... He seems so friendly with everyone when he's with me he has this awkward silence... He doesn't even dare to look at me as he looked at other ppl, there was even a time he saw me close with a friend who's a guy, and he got so weird totally ignoring me (he even said hi to my friend who is new in school while we bumped into him in the hallway and totally pretended like I wasn't even there!) He even bumped his shoes into mine under the table and didn't moved it away until I have to tap on it twice because I was pretty sure there was nothing there when I put my legs earlier on, only then he moved his feet away. Weird things that guys do eh? I couldn't figured it out either... Until now, this guy still hasn't approached me, words has it he has a girlfriend, but why is he still behaving this way around me? So I kind of feel that HughR answer could be probably correct.

[Asker]

Hello! :-) Thanks a lot for your answer and sharing your experience. I can totally relate to how your feel throughout the whole situation. It's sad if he really has girlfriend. Anyway, I wish you all the happiness and love. May you meet someone who truly deserves you! Good luck!

[Opinion Owner]

OMG I just read all your comments and I can tell you your crush and my crush are the same! He's totally confident of himself, 192cm universally hot, extremely intelligent (he graduated best student in his computer degree), charismatic person, to keep it short, he's an alpha male. But the behavior towards me? Exactly the same like your crush lol!

[Asker]

Really? Haha... Yeah, he's exactly the same... super smart, charismatic and extremely successful in his career... totally alpha male. :-D

[Opinion Owner]

no wonder you have this thought like how could he like me because you think you're not attractive enough for him, sort of like I'm so out of his league? yes I honestly have this same syndrome with him, but never have it for other people though!

[Asker]

True! Yeah I do have that syndrome which makes me more nervous and shy around him. Those are the very words I always whisper to myself "I'm so out of his league". I've never felt this way before my entire life. :-)

[goondocks123]

I'm willing to bet you found out in the end that he was already dating another women or attached.

Although he liked you back and was nice and friendly in the beginning he literally gave up on you when you went all shy and nervous. The only thing you had to do to resolve this was to tell him you liked him. Missed opportunity.

[goondocks123]

Read through all the posts and the answer is simple.

Talk to the guy at every opportunity. Try not to act shy or nervous as he might be a gentlemen and think he is annoying you if you close up when he is looking at you or trying to engage you in conversation. Plus after all of your history he might mistake it for mind games so you need to be genuine in your efforts.

How do you talk to your guy friends? All happy and confident I bet. Try this out with him and you'll see him match your efforts in no time. If he does talk with you sometimes or is nice to your friends he does like you but is unsure of your signals.

Then what ever you do hang out with him and let you both get to know one another as I'm sure you both like each other and shouldn't settle for other people that come along. Casual drinks would be the best option so you can both relax and let your guard down somewhat.

If you are still shy you need to try the facebook/texting approach first as it doesn't sound like he will with the way you described your actions to date.

This guy is not alpha male as it appears he respects you and that is why he isn't all over you.

[serp777]

If a girl was warm and friendly before, and I knew that she liked me, and then she started ignoring me or distancing herself, I would assume she lost interest since that frequently happens. And I would be cautious too by becoming more cold and aloof to her.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your answer, serp777. That's what I think too. I wish to know what he think of me while he's acting cold and aloof to me. Does he dislike me or annoyed by me in anyway?

[serp777]

It's possible that he likes you and he's just trying to play it cool, but it's also possible that he's annoyed at you for sending mixed signals.

[Asker]

serp777- Thanks you so much again for the answer. I just hate myself for acting that way to him. I just hope I don't annoy him too much. :-(

[Anonymous]

My guess is, he is treating you the way that he feels you intentionally treated him. Ignoring him made him feel unimportant to you, which perhaps led him to believe that you dislike him.

Another possibility is that your shyness around him has caused him to believe that your crush on him has grown into something more, and now, you may be upset with him because of his popularity and interactions with other women.

Perhaps that explains why he has become tense and more aware around you.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your thorough answer. For first possibility, do you think I annoy him someway by ignoring him? For second possibility, does it mean he care about me IF he's more aware around me because he knows I'll be upset seeing him interacting with other women. Can you guess what he might think of me now? Thanks you in advance for your answer.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, it annoys him when you ignore him, especially if you act as if he does not exist. Ignoring someone can be just as powerful as saying hurtful things about them. I don't know the depth of his feelings towards you, but it does appear that he is affected by how you treat him. That can be a positive sign, but it should not be used as a barometer to predict his feelings about you per se. My guess is, he feels that you are in love with him and are unfairly mistreating him, or you're rejecting him.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your answer again. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy to know there's a possibility that he cares or (at least) notices me. But I understand that I cannot use it as a barometer to predict his feelings. I just hope I didn't annoy him someway. Now I have a feeling that he's totally ignoring me. I know I messed up.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, you did mess things up with him, but it's not too late to make him view you in a more positive light. Start showing positive body language towards him. A quick, genuine smile and-or a greeting will convey that he is good standing with you(I suggest you keep the initial interactions short until he shows outward signs of feeling comfortable with you again.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your suggestions. I hope it's not too late since I don't have much time left with him as I won't be seeing him much later. Damn... I need to control my shyness :( The other day, I (tried so hard and) smiled a little when I had to talk to him. As soon as he saw me smiling he quickly smiled me back. Then, he went back to his coldness. I just hate myself.

[Opinion Owner]

He went back to his coldness to display his lack of appreciation for being ignored in the first place, and to teach you a lesson. Keep making efforts to interact with him; he should eventually forgive you.

[Asker]

Now I understand... :-( I feel so sad that things end up this way. I hope I still have a chance to make effort to fix the situation with him. I feel like he's kind of bitter. Now he's totally ignoring me. I think I annoy him in some way. I hate myself for that. Thank you SO SO much for all your answers. They all do help me a lot.

[Opinion Owner]

You are very welcome. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

A, excuse me, how old are you? At this age, I think you are bouth mature, so act like it. If you like the guy, go on and tell him, maybe he just need a little push. Stop torturing yourself. You are not solving anything by looks and staff. Do something, what you got to lose? Good luck!

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your answer :-) Your comment makes me smile because I totally agree that I'm not acting my age in this issue (felt kind of embarrassed when I posted the question). But, it's so hard for me to go and talk to him when I'm extremely shy and he's acting cold towards me. Besides, being a confident guy at his age, I'm sure he'll definitely make a move if he's interested. So, I assumed he's not interested. I'm just a shy corward I guess. I do appreciate your encouragement and wishes)

[Opinion Owner]

Well, then maybe he reacts the same way you treat him. It doesn't matter how confident and friendly he is, people sometimes react strange when they have a crush on somebody.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for the answer again. I guess it's end of the story between me and him. I just can't help being shy and nervous around him. I've never felt like that before til this age. This feeling is so out of my control.

[maiez]

Either he is extremely shy, so shy that he won't ever talk to you or you are intimidating. If you always come off nicely it may be that he's not interested. Its not a definite answer, id have to meet the guy.

[Asker]

Hi maiez! Thanks a lot for your answer. Actually, he's not shy at all and very confident and successful guy. He even joked with me the first time we talked. His behavior s just change lately after I acted so shy around him and looked like I'm ignoring him. I just hope he doesn't think I'm weird :( Any more thoughts on this, please?

[HughR]

Maybe he's just so turned on by you that he's having a hard time resisting but he's already in a relationship and doesn't want to betray her, either.

[Asker]

Hi HughR! Thanks a lot for your answer. WOW! But, I don't think I'm that attractive enough to be able to turn on a guy that much. In fact a guy like him might have encounters with a lot of attractive girls. Do you think there's any possibility that he may dislike me someway because of me ignoring him? Or is he trying to show me that he's not interested by deliberately ignoring me? Thanks heap in advance for your answer.

[HughR]

If he disliked you, you would get a totally different vibe. I mean, it's *really* hard to judge with so little to go by but your description sounds more like a guy who's conflicted by choices and not like a guy who hates someone.

As for you not being attractive ... I can't tell without seeing your picture but most women have no idea how attractive they really are.

[Asker]

Hi HughR. Thanks a lot again for your answer. I'm just glad if he doesn't dislike me or find me weird. For being attractive part, what you said is very interesting. I must share with my lady friends who think they're not attractive. That's very nice of you to come back and comment/answer again. I really do appreciate it.

[HughR]

I'm curious about this whole "think they're not attractive" thing. I think it is a very female attitude and it's not just about looks. As a women if she's good at something and she'll tell you all her flaws. Ask a guy, and he'll tell you how wonderful he is.

I'll grant you, not everyone meets the Hollywood ideal of beauty but, really, not that many people really find it so compelling.

So, let's start with a simple question. The last time you walked past a mirror, did it shatter :)

[Asker]

Haha... No, luckily, the mirror did not shatter :-D But, I just know I'm not attractive. Some friends say I have low self-esteem or have no confident. But, I've been sure of that "unattractive" fact my entire life. By the way, I really like the lines "Ask a women if she's good at something and she'll tell you all her flaws. Ask a guy, and he'll tell you how wonderful he is". Thank you so so much for your comment again. It's really enlightening.

[HughR]

I would really like to see your pic! If even your friends are telling you that you have low self-esteem, I bet you do. I bet you are very attractive.

Friend me -- I can't see someone who is anonymous! Or you can mail me at hughRichards80 at gmail

[Asker]

Haha... again I'm too shy to show my photo. But, you comments make me feel really good about myself. I really appreciate a lot for that :-)

[blackeagle007]

Take it from me, I'm that way too when I'm around a girl I'm attracted to. For whatever reason, I just shut down, weird. The guy your talking about seems real nervous

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for sharing your experience :-) He's very confident and seems like he'll never have problem approaching a girl (I'm sure you are too). So, even confident guys get nervous? And, even just by knowing I like him (but not attracted to me), can a confident guy still be nervous?

[Prof_Don]

He sees your nervous aloofness as lack of interest, and he feels rejected.

Please read: he thinks you are rejecting him!

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your answer Prof_Don. I'm so sad if I really did make him feel rejected. And does it mean he cares? Can you guess what he think of me now? Does he dislike me?

[Prof_Don]

If anything he probably feels hurt and, well, rejected.

[Asker]

It hurts me so bad knowing there's a possibility that I may have hurt him in some way :-( I just hate myself. Thank you so much for all your answers, Prof_Don.

[Prof_Don]

It's not to late to make back up with him. Do you feel comfy telling him that you didn't mean to look disinterested and that you really do like him?

[Asker]

I think it's too late as I recently learned that I won't be seeing him around anymore. Since we're not even friends, I don't dare to contact him any further. It's sad but I have to live with this pain :( Thank you so so much for your answers, Prof_Don.

[Prof_Don]

Glad to help!

[Daxusinferno]

Probably someone leaked the information that you like him and that just makes him kinda nervous

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your answer! If he knows I like him, it must be just from my behavior s I guess. Because I never tell anyone or make it obvious that I like him. Can a confident guy be nervous by knowing a girl (who he's not attracted to) likes him? Thanks a lot in advance for your answer :-)

[Anonymous]

Just set aside time if you can ever get him by himself, just you and him and talk about it, be friends again see what happens, maybe he's waiting on you.

[goondocks123]

This one is obvious isn't it. Guy hits on girl, girl acts like she isn't interested, guy pursues other women, after a while girl starts to act interested but only uses hints, guys thinks if she likes me say so, girl waits for guy to make a move instead and guy then commits to a different girl. Girl who posts this is pissed and hates guy when she is at fault.

[Anonymous]

It seems he's just nervous.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your answer! I'm just confused why he act that way as I know he's a very confident guy who never gets nervous. He used to be confident and friendly when he interacted with me. He just started to act that way soon after I became so shy and kind of ignoring him (because I got so nervous around him). Any more thoughts?

[Anonymous]

It seems that he's a shy guy as well.

[aurzippy]

Sorry

[Asker]

Hi aurzippy! Thanks for dropping by. What are you "sorry" for?

[aurzippy]

I ment to do something else and end up on you post

[Asker]

I wish I could :-)

[Deviouscourage]

Bashful kind of guy

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your answer, Deviouscourage. :-)