Why is she so nervous around me?

Why is she so nervous around me? I try talking to this girl but she seems very nervous. I'm very calm, cool, smiling and friendly toward her. She comes off as very compulsive when I'm around like acting weird. She doesn't always look me in the eye except when she talks to me. Then she'll mention stuff that I have that she doesn't like or why did I pick it. Its too bad because I really like her too. If I go over to her and just talk, she kinda just keeps carrying on...

Thanks for the answers, ultimate question(s). Should I still go see/talk to her? I normally go every day (its on the way home for work and I look at deals), or should I break up in seeing her every other day? Twice/thrice a week?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Because she wants you.


What Girls Said 57

  • You should try paying attention to how she acts around other people, and that will help you to determine what is going on. Does she talk to a lot other people, or does she simply choose who to talk to? She is probably only comfortable talking to certain people because she has a social anxiety problem. I have a problem with this too, and people say the same things about me. She probably mentions things she doesn't like, or ask question because she has problems knowing what to say in the conversations; so she mentions the first thing that comes to her head. Ask her questions about the things she seems to talk about, and that might help her to relax a little more around you.

    • Thanks for the response. I am not sure if you read the other comments but she basically is pretty quiet around others and seems to only talk to me. I've talked to her on her break and she told me stuff about her (living wise, school, what she wants, etc). She always asks me questions about what I buy, and seems to be a generally shy girl. In other comments below, I asked if she wanted to do something with me sometime, she turned away, smiled and said politely, "No".

  • Ok I just read one of your comments to an answer and now I think I know what's going on. You said that you asked her to hang out and she said no. No matter how shy a girl is, if she likes a guy and he asks her out, she's going to say yes. She's not into you and she's trying not to lead you on. She's not acknowledging you because she's not interested. She's not shy, she just doesn't like you that way. She's nice to you because she knows you like her and she cannot bring herself to be totally mean to you because you like her. She's not giving you much eye contact because she understands that eye contact is a sign of interest. If she said no to you, its not because she's shy, its because she's uninterested.

    • Oh and to answer your question, she's nervous around you because she thinks you like her

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    • She could just feel bad for not liking you back. Just because she doesn't like you that way doesn't mean she doesn't like you as a friend. I mean maybe she does like you but I don't know I don't think so.

    • She tells me personal stuff about how she doesn't like her step mother, and is thinking about moving, but likes college. She asks me why I buy the stuff I do, she really takes her time ringing the stuff up. One day she was asking if she had something on her back because the guys put stuff there. I don't know, I'm not some guy who thinks if a girl is friendly she likes me. Besides, I didn't really notice her until she started talking to me. But I do like her. I, at least, want to be her friend

  • Ok, well I tried reading the majority of the comments on the answers to get a better idea of what's going on. It's really hard to tell though. I mean some of her actions point to her having some interest in you, but then again her saying no to doing something doesn't go along with everything else. You say she's a shy girl, that could be the reason she wasn't so quick to say yes to hanging out with you. At work she's sort of in a comfort zone, around people she knows. I think that you are moving to quickly by asking to do something. I would ask for her phone number and if it would be ok if you could call her sometime. Just be sure if she does give it to you not to harrass her with phone calls. Once or twice in a week is good enough for now. Let her come to you is the key, because she's shy. If she says no to giving you her number then I would call it quits. Right now you just want to figure out how her actions relate to her feelings. She may like you, mite just be being nice, could be bored at work and enjoys a good flirt/convo, or she could like you but just not be interested in dating at the time. Sooo, ask for her number and if it's ok to call her, and see what happens after that. Another thing, I wouldn't go into the store more than twice a week, or at least use another check out if you must and just give her the casual smile and hey... Otherwise after awhile you may come off as a creeper.

    • Thanks, I appreciate it. I thought I would go up to her and ask her if I could talk to her after work, or during her break. But she works until midnight sometimes. I found out she might have a bf

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    • Okay thanks. Otherwise should I keep going in to her line and giving her attention? Or should I wait for her to open up more?

    • I mean I wouldn't change too much, because if she does like you you'll just confuse her. I would chat with her as normal, but every now and then keep her guessing. Like I said use another check out every once in awhile and just let her know that you noticed her by smiling and saying hi before you walk out. If she gives you her number that's the best way to get her to open up more by talking to her outside of work where she can be a bit more personal with the conversation.

  • Ok, I briefly read a bit of the other stuff. I'm quite sure you believe youreslf that she likes you already. It does seem that she is a shy girl, and I'll tell you exactly how to deal with one of those.

    Shy girls usually need to take things very slowly. It gives them time to gradually start feeling more comfertable around a guy and then there's much more chances of her accepting a date from you. I say keep seeing her, but not every day. Don't develope any kind of pattern so she can predict your coming. It will make her wonder where you are and if your still going to come. If she is interested in you, mabe she was too shy to accept a date, but then later wished she was brave enough to exept it. Not always showing up may give her more of an initiative to accepting a date because she won't know if she'll have another chance again or not to accept. Also, it won't creep her out. You may or may not creep her at, but you may want to be careful with that.

    Sorry to say, but sometimes too much is too much. I once new a guy who liked me and I kinda liked him, but then when I told him where I lived, he took that as an invitation to come see me whenever. Each day after school, my house was on his way home, so he would stop by all the time. It made me feel uncomfertable and I became creeped out by him rather then into him. It's good to show interest, but not too much. Just try to take it easy and not show too much. some

    About you visiting her at work; some girls don't even like bringing their boyfriends to their work, because they feel they should be working and not socialising. Try befriending her some place else mabe and rather then asking her to hang out, find something you think would be good for you guys to do together and tell her you'd like to do that with her sometime, maybe even include that she can bring a few friends along. Try giving her an excuse for not to feel nervous about excepting. I once wrote an article on here all about how to approach a shy girl. It was featured. I wonder if it's still on here...I look into it and let you know, it would be good for you I think. If you have any questions about what I just wrote or anything, I'll be glad to answer. Hope this helps.

    • Ok, here's where to find the article http://www.girlsaskguys.com/articles/Flirting/How-Can-You-Get-a-Shy-Girl-to-Open-Up.html but I haven't read it in a long time so I can't even remember if that will help your situation at all or if it is completly irrelevent. Anyway, you'll find it interesting.

    • Thanks for the input! I don't always go to see her. Like when she tells me when she's working or how late, I won't necessarily show up. But during the week its somewhat consistent.

  • Maybe you intimidate her and she has a crush on you, therefore, she can't really relaxe properly when you speak to her. She may wish she could open up more. But everyone is different. I know that I, personally act very similar when guys I am interested in approach me. They make me feel all nervous and inferiror and I always wish they would be persistent enough so that I could eventually feel more at ease around them and show them the real me. But "Then she'll mention stuff that I have that she doesn't like or why did I pick it." Maybe she use to like you and then realised she only liked ou as a friend so is trying to hint this to you without being to harsh about it? Again, this all depends on who she is, everyone is different. Maybe explain more what you mean by this?

    • I am not sure if you read the comments below, but it tells way more than what that blip did up there. Like when I'm not there she just rings stuff up. When I get in line she changes, she gets a bit more excited. One day, she was so crazy, like yelling over to one of the girl's that worked there and asking me if something was on her back because the guys put stuff there.

      One day I was getting soda and she asked why that cola, and how she doesn't like soda. Then made a big deal about me getting

    • Help to carry it. I said it was fine. When we first met, I saw she was on break by herself eating some cookies. So I went over to talk to her. She was telling me about living with her dad but moving to another state soon, and going to school, etc. I told her about me. She gave me a cookie. I asked when she works, she told me. If I ask if she's in for a late night, she always tells me the time she gets off.

    • Some times, she'll look at me and smile, I'll smile back, especially when the customers in front of me are being rowdy and rude. A few days ago, I got some chocolates, pulled them over and asked what they were, so I had to reach over and point. She said she only loves Dove chocolate. I then asked her name, she pointed to her name tag. I introduced myself and cut her off and asked if she wanted to do something sometime. She turned away and smiles and just said, "No".

  • I think you should just end the confusion between you and her. If you want to talk more about it, just add me as your friend here. I'd love to give you more advice on it.

  • It sounds like she really likes you

  • Sounds like she likes you but doesn't know what to do or how to approach it. She may be very shy or maybe you're not letting her know that you like her in return, so she's trying not to make it seem like she likes you.

    • Well I asked her out, how much more obvious do I need to make it?

    • Well maybe she doesn't like you. I can only guess what her deal is. What did she say when you asked her out?

    • We were talking about the chocolates I was buying. She grabbed and asked what they were, I had to reach over and point what it was (she kinda does that with stuff I buy). But we never met formally so I introduced myself and said I didn't know her name (written on her name tag). I was nervous and kinda cut her off and asked if she wanted to do something with me. She immediately tuned away, kinda smiling/laughing and said "No". Definately didn't think she was saying flat no. I smiled said allright


    lol. but ya...um...did you konw? she likes you? seriously I can't stress enough. I'm exactly like this (except I don't say mean stuff, I don't say nething at all) to this guy I like nd I wish he would know DAMNIT I DO LIKE YOU, NOW BE A MAN AND COME OVER HERE!

  • Thats becasue you're gay

  • She is just very very shy. basically, she has low confidence in herself and doesn't really know how to talk to you or boys in general. Just be a little more patient with her, try to make her feel comfortable, give her a compliment which is maybe what she needs. Ask her to tell you about herself and if she refuses, then you start telling her about you. its all about making her feel relaxed around you so she can open up. Make her laugh or something and try to see if you can watcha movie with her, a comedy one to get her laughing to get rid of her nerves. ONLY if you like her that much still. Its probably not gonna be easy at first but each step counts. She will eventually be herself. Go and see her every other day not everday, buy her some flowers or a neclace, just something cute but not all the time tho.

    • I did ask if she wanted to do something and she said No. So just keep at it? Don't give up on her? I agree that she is really shy and doesn't feel comfortable.

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    • When I'm around she isn't really stand offish. Like I wrote, she looks at what I buy and she asks me about it like I bought Lindor chocolates, she asked "What are these ones?" holding it over by herself, so I have to bend over the counter and point it. She says, "Oh I don't like dark chocolate, I only like Dove. I'm hooked on Dove". By this time any customer would be going 'Where is my receipt?'

    • Then she is confussing and I would just be patient with her. Like I said, help her to open up to you more.

  • Well, I am thinking that she may like you, but is trying to hide it and make it seem not so obvious, or that maybe she is afraid around guys. It's possible that she does not know how to interact with them. Have you seen her react the same way around other guys, or does she act normal around them? I know for me, I'm the second one, and so I get flustered around pretty much any guy.

    • She treats me differently. Other guys she is really cold to them. Most people she seems annoyed. But with me she warms up. Sometimes we smile at each other. She normally has her hair up, always wears a black sweater/pants and wears little make up, kinda unsure of herself. I actually didn't notice her much until she started asking me questions. Like she asks what I'm buying. Read some of the comments below. Anyways, she had her hair down and looked really pretty, I asked her out, said no. So?

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    • No problem. ^-^ Try to think positively. I don't think all is lost, so don't be so hard on yourself. I don't think you did anything wrong. Who knows, she might be a bit flattered.

    • Yeah, I'll try. I guess I'm trying to block it out, when I think back, I kinda feel like she was appalled by me asking. But I think I can still win her heart anyways! :)

  • maybe she likes you LOL...

    Im like that around the guy I like.

  • GOd, that's just like me, but when I talk I don't say mean stuff, but I have trouble meeting his eye whiling talking too.. well if she is like me, I would say she is way into you...> AND is also very selfconscious... she might think that you don't like her.. ok?

  • Haha! I bet she is just nervous. Don't compelety give up on her yet. :P

    Maybe if you say something stupid or just be kinda' like loose then she will feel more like she can loosen up. :)

  • well are yo REALLY confused or are you just wanting confirmation because you think she likes you lol

    i only ask because that is just very typical behavior of someone that feels dominated by being in crush land

    i mean I've been there & I hated it, & I did t look at him unless he was talking or I was talking because I did not want to come of as a pervert lo

    have you ever stared at someone while you are not talking , its a bit creepy plus, my eyes are intense , people always think I mean more than I do expression wise, however tis guy it would all be true

    it was like being slightly electrocuted every time I saw him

    it was painfully difficult for me to talk to him, I HATED that, & it was really helpful when he started getting the picture tat if he talked to me, it made it easier for me to talk, but also that my NOT talking was not a sign that I did not want to talk to him, & eventually he seemed to accept that...

    initially he got mad because he thought I was ignoring him, then he thought I was just not interested & THEN he thought that I was playing game a & then he just thought I had nothing to say - as a defense against feeling used & or unappreciated

    ( I hope- well on one ever thought before & its an odd thing to say if you mean it lol)

    So keep talking to her..

    also, how close are you to not talking to her, I mean were you going to stop if yo did not get confirmation from people here?

    how long have you known her?

  • In mu opinion she likes you and doesn't know what you say or how to act so she just talks about whatever. Poor thing she is probably trying to make herself more appealing by talking to you about things but doesn't realize what she is doing .

    • Did you reads ome of the comments below? I asked if she wanted to do something sometime and she said, "no".

    • Oh I sure didn't read that. Then maybe she is just a high energy type of girl who likes to talk. Need more detail

  • That's how I act... Yes, I know it sucks and in the name of all girls who do this, I'm sorry! ^^'

    Of course, that's how I act when I have a crush on someone...

  • She has a huge, huge, huge crush on YOU.

  • Even I do the same when I like a guy, trying hard to be a different me. She being nervous in front of you means you mean more to her. Try giving your attention to some other girl you'll get all the answers.

    I can bet she thinks about you all day.

  • It clearly means she likes you. She knows the moment she starts talking to you she'll blush and you'll know all. Now do you get why she is avoiding you. Avoiding eye contact is one big giveaway.

    Why don't you start ignoring her for a while. And see how she reacts. Talk to other girls in her presence. If she has even the smallest of thing for you. it'll come out clear.

    If you want her, then make her want you.

    Good luck ! :)

    • Did you read the other comments below?

  • i think she is nervous...like when I am nervous I don't know what to say and I might say somethings sponteniously lol... she might feel intimidated and that is y she does not look you in the eye I do that sometimes I look away and I might be like ooohheemmmggeee lol and just get embarassed lol... maybe she is like picking on You because that is how she is... like she might mean it to be playfull... and you mentioned that you asked her if she wanted to go out and she said no well if she has strict parents like me... they might not want her to date... or go out... my parents have a hard time with that still so she might not be sure wether to go or not... I think is nice of you to go visit her at her job I think you should go once in a while not everyday... so she can get the hint that you like her... maybe you should ask her for her number that would also be a great hint for her... I have a question how old is she? and I hope I have helped..

  • It sounds like she likes you too. Does she know you like her? If she doesn't maybe you could try asking her out that way she gets the hint that you like her and you'll be able to go somewhere and chat that might make her more comfortable. If she's really nervous around you, you might try a double date or a group thing if she knows your friends that way its not so awkward for her.

    • I don't know if you read the other comments. But I basically updated stuff in the comments below about how she asks me stuff and what not. I asked if she wanted to do something with me sometime (I kinda suprised her with that) and she said, "No".

    • My bad I don't read the other comments because I don't like them to influence what my opinion is. That sucks...I'm sorry to hear that. You should probably find out for sure if she has a boyfriend....if she does you should back off. If not maybe she's just scared to go out with you or maybe she wants to know your willing to chase after her. Good Luck!

  • Im thinking she really likes you.

    Not all girls are super flirty and easygoing around guys.

    Some are more shy and nervous. I say keep trying to get to know her..she'll apreciate it.

    • I asked her out the other day and she said no. So, no means no right?

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    • Thats good, cause she's not pushing you, and that's actually a very good thing to say, it lets her know that your considerate and caring.

    • Well, she knows how I feel now. So I don't want to come off as stalking.

  • i think that she it could be self confidence issues, or it might be that she may not be interested so she's coming off as distant and shy. like when I know a guy likes me but I don't like them(and don't wanna be rude) I noticed that I come off shy and weird. its either that or she likes you, has low self confidence and maybe has had guy trouble in her past...

  • it sounds to me that she really likes you. I used to be the same around guys that I liked. I over analysed everything that I did, this was probably the opposite to what I should have done because I usually just ended up making a huge idiot of myself. lol. just try and make her feel as comfortable as possible around you. seeing her often may help with this because you become more familiar to her and she'll see you as a normal everyday part of her life.

  • Break it up a little bit if she really likes you back she'll miss you and really be looking forward to you coming back. The only reason she can't look at you sometimes or she says she doesn't like things is because she's nervous she really want to just make you pleased with her but you should defiantly break it up a little bit like over two or three days, make her worry make her miss you just to make her realize she actually likes you. Yet, you could always ask her to go to the movies with you just a casual thing, and KEEP SMILING not like a creepy joker but just to calm her down and make her feel comfortable around you. If she says no so what don't act like anything changed around you two or else she'll change.

  • The only way I can get over being nervous around a guy is if I get to know him in a comfortable setting like in a group of people. Is she is as nervous as is sounds then she would not be comfortable with a one on one activity yet. You just have to show her that there is nothing for her to be nervous about. Show her who you are and let her get to know you and she might let you get to see the real her and eventually she will notice that she is comfortable around you. I once was intimidated by this guy but we talked a lot and hung out around each other and then one day I realized that we knew enough about each other that we could accept each other for who we were and that I couldn't remember the last time I felt nervous around him.

    It usually means that she likes you if she is nervous around you unless you're just an intimidating person but it doesn't sound like it. She is probably just thinking that she is too nervous around you to try to go for anything. If you really like her be patient and show her that she doesn't need to be nervous because you are human too. That's another thing I usually feel more comfortable if they do something so profoundly human that it's almost embarrassing. I'm not saying that you should embarrass yourself it just and observation.

    • She always asks questions about what I'm buying and I think makes an effort to find out more. Like pop, she says, "I don't like soda" or some dark chocolate, "I don't like dark chocolate, I love milk chocolate.." I caught her during break once and she was telling me about herself and offered one of her cookies to me. One day I asked if she would like to do something with me sometime and she said "No".

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    • I would, I'm kinda new to the area and leaving in a few months (she knows this). Also, I think she might have a boyfriend? So should I keep going in being interested, or should I kinda back off a bit?

    • Unless you know for sure that she has a boyfriend I would keep going. You could always ask if she is seeing someone. And if your new to area ask her for suggestions to places and then be like o I think you should take me there or would you like to come with.

  • idiot, she's into you

    yes go talk to her!

    gosh! why are men so blind!

    well, I guess to you we are too...

    id really like some fullproof way to know if a guy likes you,...do you know any?

    • I think that's what he's asking though, is how can he break the ice with this girl if she keeps it frozen?

    • Some of us aren't as blind as you'd like to think. Many of us guys have a zero tolerance policy for disrespect. She might think he's an idiot for not making a move when in-fact she simply doesn't realize that she blew the whole thing ages ago and he's moved-on. He might screw-up and decide to sleep with her, but not without the cognitive dissonance. There are plenty of women out there who know how to love and respect men so we don't feel the need to settle for just anyone.

    • BTW I'm not referring to the Op.

  • She either doesn't like you or does but is just a bit intimidated by you. Try to be her friend first and have a relaxed conversation, once she seems happier around you- this might take some time, then flirt with her. If she still isn't interested even as a friend, you should leave her alone.

    • I kinda thought she was because she told me when she's off work and what not. But its like with each passing day she gets weirder. We'd look into each other's eyes and smile, and I was like 'Yeah definately'. But now she doesn't do that but makes more comments. When I'm around her attitude changes, she's yelling over to her friend, or doing something extra-ordinary. We've chatted before fine, she told me some personal stuff but she just seems to get more nervous around me each day.

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    • Well, good luck.

    • Thanks, I asked her today. She was looking over some chocolates I was buying and said she only likes Dove and was asking some questions. I asked her name and said mine (even though she had a name tag). I was pretty rushed and interrupted her with what I was saying. I asked if she wanted to do something sometime, she looked away and just kept saying "No", kinda smiling or taken back or I don't know. That "whoa" look. I said Come on, then finally smiled and said allright and left.

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What Guys Said 6

  • If by acting weird you mean giggly and then shy she likes you. Well if you recall the playgrounds of elementary schools boys and girls made fun of each other play fought and tormented each other and beneath the surface they of course had crushes on each other. This behavior never quite goes away tease her back make fun of her a little as long as its not too harsh she will know that this is flirting and not just friendship. Girls are weird like that. Partly its because attractive girls are used to guys just giving compliments and that gets boring. Then ask her out don't wait too long. If she says no its not a big deal even if it feels like it is. She sent you signals so she should expect that and there are plenty of other girls out there good luck.

  • I was after a girl who behaved this way. For years. She's not interested. She's nervous, but probably because she doesn't know how to let you know she's not interested. If you are clear, then she can be too.

    "Look at deals" ? If you visit her at work and she works in retail, then she has to be nice, but she's got nowhere to run if she doesn't like you.

    If you want to be sure:

    Tell her that you like shy girls who say weird stuff because they're nervous. It's so cute. It's a good sign that they'll be really sweet when you get to know them better.

    Then if she keeps saying wack stuff to you say "awww...you say the cutest little things!"

    • By saying that how do I know then?

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    • Yeah she's been making attempts to talk to me. After I asked her she was saying that all this bleach spilt on her (that I was buying). A few days ago, I was buying cherries, and her attitude always changes around me, she comes off as chipper. I asked how she was doing, she said good. She said she can't wait to go on her break since she needed it.

    • Bringing up her break is an opening for you to ask her when she's taking it. And meeting her during it. She'll flow a bit more when she feels re-assured. Don't do it too much, or she'll feel that you see her as socially disfunctional.

  • I have an similar issue, this girl only talks to the other people in my group, when I say anything she doesn't look my direction, but she is listening because she will say something about what I just said. This girl used to talk to me like the rest until I told her I liked her. Then her behavior did a 180. Blocked me on fb for awhile then unblock then block again... strange, I can't figure it out

  • It sounds like she likes you. Otherwise why would she be nervous?

    However, it REALLY sounds like she's projecting this image of a "perfect guy" onto you and then gets mad when you don't fit into that mold. I would probably stay away.

  • there is a lot of reasons.

    shy girls are shy for a reason..

    maybe somiething happened in her past that is keeping here in that shell

    theres a good post on shy girls on this blog

    here you go


    i hope it helps