Why is she so nervous around me?

Why is she so nervous around me? I try talking to this girl but she seems very nervous. I'm very calm, cool, smiling and friendly toward her. She comes off as very compulsive when I'm around like acting weird. She doesn't always look me in the eye except when she talks to me. Then she'll mention stuff that I have that she doesn't like or why did I pick it. Its too bad because I really like her too. If I go over to her and just talk, she kinda just keeps carrying on...

Thanks for the answers, ultimate question(s). Should I still go see/talk to her? I normally go every day (its on the way home for work and I look at deals), or should I break up in seeing her every other day? Twice/thrice a week?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Because she wants you.


What Girls Said 57

  • You should try paying attention to how she acts around other people, and that will help you to determine what is going on. Does she talk to a lot other people, or does she simply choose who to talk to? She is probably only comfortable talking to certain people because she has a social anxiety problem. I have a problem with this too, and people say the same things about me. She probably mentions things she doesn't like, or ask question because she has problems knowing what to say in the conversations; so she mentions the first thing that comes to her head. Ask her questions about the things she seems to talk about, and that might help her to relax a little more around you.

    • Thanks for the response. I am not sure if you read the other comments but she basically is pretty quiet around others and seems to only talk to me. I've talked to her on her break and she told me stuff about her (living wise, school, what she wants, etc). She always asks me questions about what I buy, and seems to be a generally shy girl. In other comments below, I asked if she wanted to do something with me sometime, she turned away, smiled and said politely, "No".

  • Ok I just read one of your comments to an answer and now I think I know what's going on. You said that you asked her to hang out and she said no. No matter how shy a girl is, if she likes a guy and he asks her out, she's going to say yes. She's not into you and she's trying not to lead you on. She's not acknowledging you because she's not interested. She's not shy, she just doesn't like you that way. She's nice to you because she knows you like her and she cannot bring herself to be totally mean to you because you like her. She's not giving you much eye contact because she understands that eye contact is a sign of interest. If she said no to you, its not because she's shy, its because she's uninterested.

    • Oh and to answer your question, she's nervous around you because she thinks you like her

    • Show All
    • She could just feel bad for not liking you back. Just because she doesn't like you that way doesn't mean she doesn't like you as a friend. I mean maybe she does like you but I don't know I don't think so.

    • She tells me personal stuff about how she doesn't like her step mother, and is thinking about moving, but likes college. She asks me why I buy the stuff I do, she really takes her time ringing the stuff up. One day she was asking if she had something on her back because the guys put stuff there. I don't know, I'm not some guy who thinks if a girl is friendly she likes me. Besides, I didn't really notice her until she started talking to me. But I do like her. I, at least, want to be her friend

  • Ok, well I tried reading the majority of the comments on the answers to get a better idea of what's going on. It's really hard to tell though. I mean some of her actions point to her having some interest in you, but then again her saying no to doing something doesn't go along with everything else. You say she's a shy girl, that could be the reason she wasn't so quick to say yes to hanging out with you. At work she's sort of in a comfort zone, around people she knows. I think that you are moving to quickly by asking to do something. I would ask for her phone number and if it would be ok if you could call her sometime. Just be sure if she does give it to you not to harrass her with phone calls. Once or twice in a week is good enough for now. Let her come to you is the key, because she's shy. If she says no to giving you her number then I would call it quits. Right now you just want to figure out how her actions relate to her feelings. She may like you, mite just be being nice, could be bored at work and enjoys a good flirt/convo, or she could like you but just not be interested in dating at the time. Sooo, ask for her number and if it's ok to call her, and see what happens after that. Another thing, I wouldn't go into the store more than twice a week, or at least use another check out if you must and just give her the casual smile and hey... Otherwise after awhile you may come off as a creeper.

    • Thanks, I appreciate it. I thought I would go up to her and ask her if I could talk to her after work, or during her break. But she works until midnight sometimes. I found out she might have a bf

    • Show All
    • Okay thanks. Otherwise should I keep going in to her line and giving her attention? Or should I wait for her to open up more?

    • I mean I wouldn't change too much, because if she does like you you'll just confuse her. I would chat with her as normal, but every now and then keep her guessing. Like I said use another check out every once in awhile and just let her know that you noticed her by smiling and saying hi before you walk out. If she gives you her number that's the best way to get her to open up more by talking to her outside of work where she can be a bit more personal with the conversation.

  • Ok, I briefly read a bit of the other stuff. I'm quite sure you believe youreslf that she likes you already. It does seem that she is a shy girl, and I'll tell you exactly how to deal with one of those.

    Shy girls usually need to take things very slowly. It gives them time to gradually start feeling more comfertable around a guy and then there's much more chances of her accepting a date from you. I say keep seeing her, but not every day. Don't develope any kind of pattern so she can predict your coming. It will make her wonder where you are and if your still going to come. If she is interested in you, mabe she was too shy to accept a date, but then later wished she was brave enough to exept it. Not always showing up may give her more of an initiative to accepting a date because she won't know if she'll have another chance again or not to accept. Also, it won't creep her out. You may or may not creep her at, but you may want to be careful with that.

    Sorry to say, but sometimes too much is too much. I once new a guy who liked me and I kinda liked him, but then when I told him where I lived, he took that as an invitation to come see me whenever. Each day after school, my house was on his way home, so he would stop by all the time. It made me feel uncomfertable and I became creeped out by him rather then into him. It's good to show interest, but not too much. Just try to take it easy and not show too much. some

    About you visiting her at work; some girls don't even like bringing their boyfriends to their work, because they feel they should be working and not socialising. Try befriending her some place else mabe and rather then asking her to hang out, find something you think would be good for you guys to do together and tell her you'd like to do that with her sometime, maybe even include that she can bring a few friends along. Try giving her an excuse for not to feel nervous about excepting. I once wrote an article on here all about how to approach a shy girl. It was featured. I wonder if it's still on here...I look into it and let you know, it would be good for you I think. If you have any questions about what I just wrote or anything, I'll be glad to answer. Hope this helps.

    • Ok, here's where to find the article http://www.girlsaskguys.com/articles/Flirting/How-Can-You-Get-a-Shy-Girl-to-Open-Up.html but I haven't read it in a long time so I can't even remember if that will help your situation at all or if it is completly irrelevent. Anyway, you'll find it interesting.

    • Thanks for the input! I don't always go to see her. Like when she tells me when she's working or how late, I won't necessarily show up. But during the week its somewhat consistent.

  • Maybe you intimidate her and she has a crush on you, therefore, she can't really relaxe properly when you speak to her. She may wish she could open up more. But everyone is different. I know that I, personally act very similar when guys I am interested in approach me. They make me feel all nervous and inferiror and I always wish they would be persistent enough so that I could eventually feel more at ease around them and show them the real me. But "Then she'll mention stuff that I have that she doesn't like or why did I pick it." Maybe she use to like you and then realised she only liked ou as a friend so is trying to hint this to you without being to harsh about it? Again, this all depends on who she is, everyone is different. Maybe explain more what you mean by this?

    • I am not sure if you read the comments below, but it tells way more than what that blip did up there. Like when I'm not there she just rings stuff up. When I get in line she changes, she gets a bit more excited. One day, she was so crazy, like yelling over to one of the girl's that worked there and asking me if something was on her back because the guys put stuff there.

      One day I was getting soda and she asked why that cola, and how she doesn't like soda. Then made a big deal about me getting

    • Help to carry it. I said it was fine. When we first met, I saw she was on break by herself eating some cookies. So I went over to talk to her. She was telling me about living with her dad but moving to another state soon, and going to school, etc. I told her about me. She gave me a cookie. I asked when she works, she told me. If I ask if she's in for a late night, she always tells me the time she gets off.

    • Some times, she'll look at me and smile, I'll smile back, especially when the customers in front of me are being rowdy and rude. A few days ago, I got some chocolates, pulled them over and asked what they were, so I had to reach over and point. She said she only loves Dove chocolate. I then asked her name, she pointed to her name tag. I introduced myself and cut her off and asked if she wanted to do something sometime. She turned away and smiles and just said, "No".

More from Girls

What Guys Said 6

  • If by acting weird you mean giggly and then shy she likes you. Well if you recall the playgrounds of elementary schools boys and girls made fun of each other play fought and tormented each other and beneath the surface they of course had crushes on each other. This behavior never quite goes away tease her back make fun of her a little as long as its not too harsh she will know that this is flirting and not just friendship. Girls are weird like that. Partly its because attractive girls are used to guys just giving compliments and that gets boring. Then ask her out don't wait too long. If she says no its not a big deal even if it feels like it is. She sent you signals so she should expect that and there are plenty of other girls out there good luck.

  • I was after a girl who behaved this way. For years. She's not interested. She's nervous, but probably because she doesn't know how to let you know she's not interested. If you are clear, then she can be too.

    "Look at deals" ? If you visit her at work and she works in retail, then she has to be nice, but she's got nowhere to run if she doesn't like you.

    If you want to be sure:

    Tell her that you like shy girls who say weird stuff because they're nervous. It's so cute. It's a good sign that they'll be really sweet when you get to know them better.

    Then if she keeps saying wack stuff to you say "awww...you say the cutest little things!"

    • By saying that how do I know then?

    • Show All
    • Yeah she's been making attempts to talk to me. After I asked her she was saying that all this bleach spilt on her (that I was buying). A few days ago, I was buying cherries, and her attitude always changes around me, she comes off as chipper. I asked how she was doing, she said good. She said she can't wait to go on her break since she needed it.

    • Bringing up her break is an opening for you to ask her when she's taking it. And meeting her during it. She'll flow a bit more when she feels re-assured. Don't do it too much, or she'll feel that you see her as socially disfunctional.

  • I have an similar issue, this girl only talks to the other people in my group, when I say anything she doesn't look my direction, but she is listening because she will say something about what I just said. This girl used to talk to me like the rest until I told her I liked her. Then her behavior did a 180. Blocked me on fb for awhile then unblock then block again... strange, I can't figure it out

  • It sounds like she likes you. Otherwise why would she be nervous?

    However, it REALLY sounds like she's projecting this image of a "perfect guy" onto you and then gets mad when you don't fit into that mold. I would probably stay away.

  • there is a lot of reasons.

    shy girls are shy for a reason..

    maybe somiething happened in her past that is keeping here in that shell

    theres a good post on shy girls on this blog

    here you go


    i hope it helps