What does he mean I "emotionally exhaust" him? What should I do?

[ilovenate]

My neighbour and I were hanging out a lot for like over a month, until 3 weeks ago when I told him that I like him (haha, oops). Anyway he's been busy lately so contact has been minimal, but we caught up 2 nights ago and things seemed great, we were laughing with his flatmate and there was nothing awkward about it, didn't feel loaded, felt great, happy, warm.

Last night though I texted him asking if he'll be home to give me a hug when I got home. He had a late night rehearsing (he's an actor) and when I woke up this morning I found this text: "Morn babe. I'm in heavy rehearsals right now dear. I've got no emotional space to handle anything right now as I'm highly highly loaded right now. Explain what that means later."

(Oh we've slept together twice. Kind of by accident as accidental as those things can be.)

I said "It's cool. I think I know what that means."

Him: "Nope. It's not what you think it means."

Me: "I'm not emotionally retarded lol. Ir hugs are the best though, but I can manage without. I KNOW it doesn't mean what you DON'T want me to think it means. That's what I mean about not being unempathetic."

Him: "I need a lot of emotional energy to handle you. Not sure if you understand what that means. But you can emotionally exhaust me. And I need every bit of my energy right now."

Me: "Oh. Okay so I didn't expect it to mean that. Didn't know it takes a lot of energy to handle me. Oh wellz.."

Him: "Sigh. This is best discussed in person. Your above reply just validates my thoughts dear."

What? I'm so lost. Someone tell me what's going on?

[Arwens-Fire]

Sorry, but you DO sound exhausting just by reading this.

I understood exactly what he meant when he said he didn't have the energy. As an actor, you are constantly having to tap into emotions and it can take a lot out of a person. He told you that he didn't have the energy or the emotional space to see you. He even said he would EXPLAIN what he meant by that LATER. Instead of excepting what he said, you made it about YOU. And you made it more complex than it really needed to be...which IS annoying.

You started to accuse him of a thought process he didn't really have because of your own hang-ups or insecurities regarding yourself, or the two of you. So instead of just resting like he wanted to, he suddenly has to over explain himself, and talk you down from feeling a certain way about what he said. I think all he wanted to do was get some rest physically and emotionally. But instead of you just allowing to rest, you behavior is very insecure, and almost nagging.

If you're constantly like what this text conversation displays, he probably won't be around for long...i guarantee it. Good luck.

[ilovenate]

I mean...my first thoughts on what he meant was that he just needed time to himself, and then he said that I don't understand, so that's the only reason I pursued it. I'd be person #1 to understand firsthand that everyone needs their alone time.

[Arwens-Fire]

The part where you start talking about not being "emotionally retarded" is where things started to go down hill. That whole part sounded like you were defending something that didn't need to be defended. And the fact that he immediately went into how exhausting he thinks you are says something.

I'm objectively looking at the situation here. a lot of times our perception of ourselves do not match what other people see or experience. With that said, he had to say you are emotionally exhausting for a REASON. Just reading what he was trying to say to you above, sand then hoe you started spewing something else outside if what he was expressing in a very defensive way, I can totally see how that might be agitating.

[Arwens-Fire]

And then, you continued make comments like you're the victim which was only adding acid to a fire.

[Arwens-Fire]

So...what happened?

[ilovenate]

We're still cuddling.

[washize]

I don't understand, what he wants from you. You already accepted the rejection, but he's the one pushing to reject you further.

You've done well. You told him how you felt and accepted the rejection like a Champ! Good for you!

He's said what he meant multiple times, saying the same thing is a slightly different way. He means that you drain the life out of him. Keep you distance from him until you crush on him dissolve and find someone who doesn't think that you are a life leech.

Good luck!

[ilovenate]

So about one month on, I'm totally not interested in him, but now he's asking me to go to the gym with him. I guess...I guess we're both settling into what we want between the two of us: straight nun-romantic friendship. Perfecto =)

[washize]

Congrats! :)

[Anonymous]

I read this a few times and still don't see why he's annoyed, Honestly.

In dude terms, your energy level probably annoys him lol. I actually prefer people like yourself. You seem bubbly and full of energy. Give him some distance and time. I honestly don't see this ending well for you to be honest.
Don't date actors, this guy sounds over dramatic (shocker huh lol). For someone whose job it's is to express emotion of clearly...he sure could've done a better job.

[washize]

I agree 100% with this guy.

[Russians_Only]

American women are so tiring with their insecurity and emotional problems. This is one reason I like Russian women. They know this stuff and don't bother guys with it as much. There's a more clear distinction between men and women's roles. There's not so much dumb gray area.