I mentally abuse myself and I agree with the abuse and think I deserve it. Do I?

Anonymous
For the last few months I have actively gone back to my search for a girlfriend. I have always wanted one for a few years, but the last time I actually tried was almost 4 years ago and now for the past few months.

In these months, I have mentally abused myself over how bad I am at talking to girls and it was only recently that I stopped mentally abusing myself over my race and height. I have this inner voice inside of me which is kind of like that dick coach who is always yelling at you and just makes you want to cry (I never actually did) because how bad he makes you feel. Like if my inner voice was someone else's dating coach (actually they couldn't because they wouldn't qualify lol), they would go home crying every day and become depressed within days or at most several weeks. Now because it's me, and because I am used to it, and I am a guy so I don't cry easily, I myself don't.

I have called myself all sorts of names, talked and shot myself down harshly, told myself how much of a failure I am in life, and much more.

I used to call myself sexually repulsive quite oftenly. My Yahoo! Answers username is "Genetic Trash".

By default, the thoughts that float around in my head are "lol you're so bad". "Fucking baddies." "You're so retarded." "You're a dumbass."

And I actually agree with this stuff. I can't talk to girls for shit let alone flirt. And it's not like I don't have a life outside thinking about girls. I do, but all this takes up a lot of my head space.

By DEFAULT, I am stressed and mentally abusing myself. It's not uncommon for me to sometimes do this to myself for entire days (like I did today) and occasionally I even lose a little sleep doing it.

Do you think it's important for me to stop? It would be very hard to. I am used to it at this point and it's kind of like an addiction now...
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+1 y
I am also body writing now. I just wrote on myself that I am pathetic, weak, a loser, a wimp, a dumbass, a retard, and a pussy.
I mentally abuse myself and I agree with the abuse and think I deserve it. Do I?
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