Is it bad to talk to a friend about my current struggles with depression?

[Anonymous]

As in I feel miserable all the time. That feeling of how much I have just had enough of my existence and I really just want it to end, that feeling is back. It comes around every year at Christmas because winter + Christmas + being alone at Christmas yet again = most depressing feeling I have ever had.. every year since I was a teenager.

Here's the thing, I don't suffer with depression in summer. I have a sunny disposition, I feel upbeat and happy and hopeful and optimistic even despite that I am alone then too.

Well anyway, basically it's really bad and I suppose no one in my life knows how horrible I feel right now, because whenever I'm out with my friends I'm like that clown in the Smokey Robinson song, all chatty and sociable and seem okay.. but then as our get together draws to an end I do tend to get miserable again as the reality of having to go back to my incredibly lonely home and work life catches back up with me or whatever. So I know what the fundamental problem is.

But that's not what I'm asking. The issue is that I feel terrible and I feel a need to talk to someone about it because I'm entirely alone in this and that's not healthy and it's bloodY difficult to feel this way and not tell anyone and it hurts. So I want to tell a friend.. is that okay? Is that okay to tell a friend that I'm suffering with depression and that I'm tempted to actually end my existence? See I'm concerned that people will think I'm attention seeking or.. being overly dramatic or something.. but actually I'm unwell and I just need some reassurance/support/comfort (from a friend I mean; someone who actually knows me), and I feel like at least one person in my life should know.. so that I'm not just showing a facade to everyone. And then there's the concern of I would feel terrible for burdening someone with the knowledge of my unhappiness, and it would probably rub off on them and make them feel bad.

So.. I don't know if it is right to talk to someone about it...

Updates

+1 y

And how would I go about telling them? I feel like it would be better to tell one of my lady friends because they might be more understanding and more helpful. That would make sense right?

One more thing - I ask that you please refrain from saying things like I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and that I'm pathetic etc. I actually know these things all ready. If you are thinking this then you are correct, but it's not what I'm looking for and it won't help.

[XRabbitHeartX]

You should absolutely talk to someone you trust. If a friend of mine came to me saying they struggle with depression and need help I'll take them under my wing and try my best to help them in whatever way. You'll be surprised with how many people have also been through depression too so perhaps the friend you decide to confide in can tell you about their story as well. Like I think many people are shocked to know how I also struggle with really low periods of time in my life cause I put on a act when I'm in public. When a good guy friend of mine came to me recently and told me he has bad anxiety I was able to help him and we could talk about shared experiences with certain things. Both of us walked away happy and feeling like we have a shoulder to lean on. I highly recommend opening up to someone.

[kimmythebomb]

I think you should be very careful with which friend you tell if you do. Your concerns arereal. And unfortunately those people will reace that way. If you can one day figure ut when this started and why. This happened to be and I stayed in your position for a year. I didn't tell a friend but I did confide in him. I have a strictly friend ship with him but he helped me climb out of my whole. I didn't tell him my problems buti did talk to him everyday and he made me laugh. Be very careful with this method because you don't want to end up clinging to the person u choose. Laugh. whatch comedy movies. I was like you down to the change of moods. one class period I would be crying alone. and t lunch I would be laughing my guts out. :) kimmy out good luck

[Asker]

It started when I got to the age when I was fed up of never having been in a proper relationship and realised that I'm destined to be alone.. forever I suppose. Sometimes, usually in summer, I get this "Ah I've gotten used to it, I've accepted it - I'm just not allowed to be in a relationship but I'm cool with that" attitude, sort of a cynically accepting attitude in which I just be okay with being alone because "fucc it!". But in winter, then I just feel like I would rather die than have to go through Christmas alone again. So it's a mixture of two things - the seasonal thing and then that other chicken$hit thing.

[madhatters4]

I think it should be ok to talk to your friend about this.

something else to consider though. since you mentioned that it happens frequently this time of year, is that this may just be Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is a type of depression that stems from lowered levels of Vitamin D. You get Vitamin D from sun exposure. So in the late Fall and Winter, due to being outside less and less sunshine during the day many people experience a type of depression as a result. I'd work on trying to get outside during the daylight hours and taking Vitamin D pills. If you really want to know for sure get your Vitamin D levels checked... I'm pretty certain you are suffering from Season Affective Disorder

[harakiri]

this. exactly what i thought when he said he doesn't feel this way in the summer.
I recommend Cholecalciferol supplements.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cholecalciferol

[madhatters4]

exactly cholecalciferol is vitamin d3... not quite sure the difference but in health stores sometimes they'll have vitamin d and sometimes D3. I think they work the same

[Asker]

Thanks. I know what that is and basically I know I have it. I do get much sunlight though because I work as a delivery driver six days a week, out early (but when it is light) and out all day delivering parcels. Still doesn't seem to be enough. That said I do usually finish early to mid afternoon.

[madhatters4]

well there is much less direct sun exposure in fall and winter months (sun is farther from earth, normally more cloud cover, shorter daylight hours all contribute... example. Washington and Oregon have the highest levels of populations on anti-depressants. not coincidentally these are the two states in the continental US that have the least sun exposure

[xapplebottom]

If they've seen how happy you are in the summer, they won't think you're attention seeking. 100% confide in a friend! You'll regret it if you don't.