Should I leave my infertile boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

We have been together for nearly 7 years, I grew out of love with him but have found it hard to leave as I'm scared to hurt him. I love him but more like a family member and no longer in love with him.

I haven't slept with him for nearly two years as I'm no longer attracted to him in that way. Recently he has found out he isn't able to father children, he produces 0% sperm and we were adviced we have to seek a sperm donor.

How do I leave now? I can see what this has done to him and now I feel I can't go anywhere. It I was still In love with him I would stay regardless but I'm not. I don't know what to do, I'm so scared. Someone please help me!

[thomasjjeffy]

Well you can't avoid not hurting him I guess.

Don't tell him that you're leaving him because of his infertility, because you're not leaving him because of that, right? You need to tell him that the relationship is no more. And that's your reasoning. Probably he is also aware of that if you haven't slept together for 2 years.

[Asker]

It's not the reason I'm leaving, if I was still in love with him I wouldn't dream of leaving because of something like that. He doesn't see an issue that we haven't slept together for two years. Also, I'm really the only person he has so if I leave he has no one to turn to

[thomasjjeffy]

Would you be able to meet him as a friend later on?

[Asker]

Most definitely, it still doesn't take away from that fact he will be homeless because of me

[thomasjjeffy]

Oh wait, so if you leave him he won't have any house?

[Asker]

No he won't

[thomasjjeffy]

then you should wait at least until he has a new home.
But first of all you can tell him that you have this plan on your mind.

[Asker]

I will give him time to find somewhere to go. Knowing him be won't leave

[Asker]

It's going to be very difficult as he is very emotional

[zorro8888]

There is no sugarcoating this kind of news. Regardless of his infertility you lost feelings for him a long time ago. I think he's known for a long time.

[Asker]

I know, if you knew him you would know he ignores a lot of things, he would convince himself things are great to feel as if he's trying his best to make things better. I requested a break about a year ago, he didn't give me space and things got worse, then he proposed. After he told everyone; friends, family, colleagues and even my family. So it was hard to refuse without him being embarrassed. This pushed me over the top. He ignored the fact I needed space thinking he was making things better, no sex for two years would be an eye opener for anyone- but not him.

[zorro8888]

You weren't precise nor did you stick to your ground. Don't say we should take a break or anything that walks around the subject. Tell him you no longer love him and it doesn't feel like a relationship anymore and you're breaking up.
Forget embarrassment just stick to your word.

[Asker]

When I wanted to take a break, I didn't want to end things, I needed space to think, it's hard to see the Forrest through the trees that's why I needed time. I didn't get that time so everything piled on top of the next. Now I'm over it and can't compromised anymore

[zorro8888]

Okay you so have a set goal... see it through. It's not supposed to be easy but it has to be done.

[Asker]

I agree. How do you crush someone when their mother has died, there father lives in another country and he lives with me, he will be homeless. It's so difficult.

[zorro8888]

He's a grown man and you're not his mother. We can sit here all day making excuses but that won't change what needs to be done.

[Asker]

I can understand your matter of fact approach but I'm sure it's easier giving advice when you're not in the actual situation. Although I respect your approach, the reason I have mentioned all of these other issues was there might be other methods of advice other than breakup and kick him out my house

[zorro8888]

I have made and continue to make a lot of hard decisions... things I overthink to a point I can't fall asleep... so I think I know. This is not my battle so there is no point bringing my own choices into it.

Give him 2 weeks to get his things together and move out. Be firm, don't let more that your set time frame past.

[Asker]

Cool cool cool

[princessmanna]

If you aren't in love with him, leave. Tell him you're not in love with him anymore and that his infertility isn't the issue. You still love him, you just don't see yourself growing old with him. If that's what you want and there's no way to fix the problems you two have, don't be scared. Do what's in your best interest.

xx

[Asker]

Thank you, I'm am also the only person he has to turn to, he mother is dead and his father doesn't live in this country. He has grown up sisters who all have their own lives, he also lives in my house. So not only would he be dealing infertility but not having anywhere to live or having anyone to talk to

[princessmanna]

Aww :( I guess you could tell him you'd always be there for him. But it's not fair to either of you to be stuck in a relationship where you're not fully committed. Breaking up would probably be for the best. But yeah, just make sure it's clear you'll always be there for him :)

[Asker]

I will. It's a bit cliche tho "let's be friends" but I do get your point so thanks

[Anonymous]

Im suprised he hasn't left you or questioned you about your feelings if you haven't had sex with him in two years.
You need to leave him, dont string him along. For what? It makes you seem like a bad person the longer you hold out. But not being in love with him isn't what makes you bad, its that its taking you so long :/

[Opinion Owner]

I saw your previous comments to others, i get your worried about him and where he will stay... gou love him like family you said.
You can break uo with him and let him know he can stay with you til he can find his own place to go.

[Asker]

We have spoken about it and he doesn't leave as he complains he hasn't anywhere to go. He has emotional issues, if you knew him your whole comment would be totally different

[Opinion Owner]

Would you just let him stay with you til he has somewhere to go? Well everything thats happened to him i can see why he has issues

[Asker]

Yh me to and I will but he will probs drag it out

[evenlift]

You have to tell him as soon as possible.

You haven't had sex in nearly two years! This break-up is long overdue.

[Th3D3vil5w1f3]

There's a reason you fell in love with him, and stayed with him for that long. try finding that reason again couples go through this all the time it will get better, as long as both of you work hard at it. seven year itch maybe?

[Th3D3vil5w1f3]

Although, it already seems you have made up your mind on leaving him or not. it does get better I went through the same thing, you just have to tough it out you will find your happy again.

[Asker]

I can't even bring myself to kiss him, being intimate with him makes me uncomfortable, I don't even like thinking about it. I think after two years of not wanting to have sex or even hold hands says that it has gone beyond saving. I can't do it anymore as he isn't the sort of person I see myself with. I'm a different person to who I was when I met him. I was trying to make things work, that's why it got so far, but I can't do it anymore.

[usertaylor15]

The fact is if you don't love him that way and aren't attracted to him you never will be. Staying with him regardless is selfish. You are preventing him from trying to find someone who will love him just so you don't feel guilty about it. Now this might seem mean but grow up. You need to tell him the truth so you can both move on and find someone you each love.

[Asker]

It's not about me feeling guilty, it's about me not wanting to hurt him. Not wanting to add bad things to his life. It's not about me, it's all about trying to protect him. Its easy to give straight forward advice when you're not in the situation yourself

[Anonymous]

You just have to bite the bullet and leave. This is really unfair on all parties involved. He deserves a woman who loves him, you deserve to be with a man whom you love, and if kids is something you want then leave as soon as possible because this really is unfair and cruel to keep it going. It's never going to be easy, there will never be a 'right moment' to do it so the sooner the better, then he can hopefully find someone and so can you.

[genericname85]

i guess that´s normal. the "madly in love" feeling fades someday but if you want children, you´ve got no choice.

[Asker]

I just feel In love with him. I know it fades with time but people still have a romantic interest in that person- I don't. I just can't be with him anymore. I don't even like kissing him on the lips before he leaves for work etc it feels foreign to me

[genericname85]

if you don´t like being intimate with your partner, you can´t continue a relationship in my opinion. for me it´s the most important thing.

[Asker]

Me also, that's why I know I'm not in love with him.

[genericname85]

well i think it´s not a hard choice then... but you shouldn´t make him feel like it´s because he´s infertile.

[Asker]

It is going to be a hars choice no matter what. It's not a smile scenario. It's not beause he's infertile and it never has been.

[genericname85]

i know it´s hard to do it but in my opinion the "choice" is easy... i mean there are no reasons to stay together other tan having allready spend a lot of time together.

[Asker]

I know but seeing as his mum died, his father doesn't live in this country, he hasn't anywhere to live if I end things and he's infertile. It's not an easy thing to do!

[genericname85]

so he´s homeless then?

[Asker]

He will be if I end things as he lives in my house

[genericname85]

i mean could he afford a own home? or is he like totally dependent on you?

[Asker]

He can but that would take time, the housing market in the UK isn't great nor efficient. I will end things anyhow but he has been through a lot and I didn't want to add to him chaos as it isn't fair and things like this have a massive impact on people and their state or mind. I'm weighing up the situation on all levels

[genericname85]

i mean somewhere your consideration fpr him has to stop and you should think more about yourself.

[Asker]

I agree and thank you

[Anonymous]

I know a guy who stuck around when his wife proved infertile. Guess that says just about everything.

Leave, you know you're going to eventually anyway. Just get it over with.

[Asker]

If I was in love I would stay regardless but I had these feeling prior. I was planning on ending things then he told me this news

[Opinion Owner]

Whatever you say. Doesn't matter whether I believe you or not, does it? You've already made up your mind, so just get it over with.

Kind of disgusting how fickle people are when they base their lives on ever-changing emotions. Just chemicals in the brain, you can take pills to alter that.

[Asker]

Fickle individuals? You sound like a very nice person don't you! I don't think you understand the situation at all or even how to be empathetic for another person. Perhaps you should refrain from commenting. You don't sound like you have a very high level of emotional intelligence nor understand anything about human biology or evolution lol laws of attraction. You make relationships sound all black and white. I won't be commenting here again nor paying attention it any further responses so don't waste your time.