Did I misjudge him?

[Anonymous]

He was really awkward and skinny in high school. Apparently he was kind of geeky too. I only met him after that, in university. When he'd started working out.

What I didn't know was that he had been in an intense relationship before. One that ended badly for him somehow. I am pretty sure he was with his girlfriend at the time he decided to come to my university and that she was why he chose this university, to be with her. Originally he was at a different one for 1 or 2 years and just transferred in last year.

I assumed from the start that he had always been as attractive as he is now. So I treated him like every other confident hot guy -like he was a D-bag.

Did I misjudge him? Guys, if you went from awkwardly skinny geek to pretty damn gorgeous how would your personality change? Would it? And how would the heart breaker girlfriend affect you?

[DrJones]

It's fair to say I was an awkwardly skinny geek and am now a pretty damn gorgeous geek.

I'm a bit more muscular now, but mostly what changed was average girls' reactions to me! In my current environment (spending lots of time around universities), there are a lot of men and women who don't look down on education and literacy the way they did at home. And I've had a few serious relationships that ended very badly, including one not long ago.

Anyway, back to your question: it's very hard to accurately analyze your own personality, but I think mine has changed slightly. Mostly, I put up with a lot less crap from women (and men). If a girl is cruel or shallow or manipulative, I don't pine over her. I stop talking to her and ignore her. This is probably more due to age than geekiness, I'd guess, but it could also be because I've been in bad relationships and understand why they're not worth the effort.

And, if you're wondering: no, I haven't turned into a douchebag self-worshipping Brawndo drinker. I don't refer to girls as "bitches" or "pussy," nor do I brag to my friends about my alleged conquests and/or penis size. I call girls back after sleeping with them and try not to be a d*** about it, and I definitely don't call myself a "player" or refer to my "game." That's how guys act when they are the opposite of confident; they are paranoid about appearing sexually inadequate and require constant reassurance of their manliness. Confident guys are the ones who aren't afraid of rejection or serious relationships.

Your suspicions might be right, though - I know a few former geeks who changed dramatically when they became slightly more popular. It's almost like they're making up for lost time trying to act out their high-school fantasies. I've seen firsthand how insecurity about being a geek again can lead guys (and girls) to act like total douchebags.

I guess you'll have to judge on a case-by-case basis, then. Sorry you had to read so much for such a noncommittal answer ;)

[DyingAngel]

You first problem was your assumption. I had a coach give assume a very good mean just by breaking it down. To assume is to make an ass of you and me. You assumed just because he is a good looking guy he's a jerk. That isn't always true. Yes you might have had many experiences that would lead you to believe that it is always the same. But people are not all the same. You would get upset if a guy treaded you in a manner that is not how you are based on his experiences. You should treat people to what the present to you, but that isn't always the case. People are base by base cases in you're interactions with them, but it's not always the easiest thing to do.

As for having a heart breaker girlfriend, well guys have feelings just like girls do. It can be just a devastating for a guy as for a girl. It will manifest itself in different ways sense guys are more likely to bury there emotions.