I'm to be married in one year and there is added pressure!

[Anonymous]

I am to be married in one year and I am really stressing about being able to provide and be the breadwinner of my family. My fiance' is always asking about this and asking how I am going to do this. I am working two jobs (not very much pay) and going to school to be a PT. She is going to graduate in a couple months, and feels pressure of having to work so that we can be married. I have student loans, she does not. She always is asking how I am going to be able to afford loan payments, health insurance, car insurance, house payments (she doesn't agree with renting, says its a money pit) and all other normal bill expenses. I plan on trying to work, as getting your doctor degree in PT is very strenuous, I won't have time to work, in reality. . . SO, does every couple go through this type of pressure? I know that in life that is what we do, we figure out ways to financially cope and deal with it... We have been putting our marriage off because we feel like it is not practical to be married broke... Just looking for advice or insight, any similar situations?

[Professor_Zoom]

An apartment is a money pit? She needs to live in reality and understand that if you can't keep up with your mortgage payment you will be out on your ass. Tell her that it will be better rent, save up for a couple of years, and then get a house. If you haven't been saving enough to put down at least 20% or 30% down on a house, then don't do it. You also have student loans. Don't get into paying for a house when you still have those loans over your head.

Money is one of the biggest arguments you will have as a couple. It can bring a huge strain on a relationship. Go to a financial advisor and get some assistance. Pay of your loan ASAP so that it is not hanging over your head

Also, your fiance has to work with you also. The house thing maybe something the two you have to put off for a while. Other than the house, you may have to rough it for a little while. I don't know if both of you have cars, but you may have to deal with just having one car for now. Health insurance. Well you're working two jobs see about getting health insurance coverage at one of those places.

And I am going to be totally honest here. I'm sure you love your fiance, but maybe marriage shouldn't be on your list of things to do right now. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, and if she is already on your case about being the breadwinner now, it's not going to get any better when you're married. It's probably too late now, but I would say that you should get your life somewhat in order first before you take the plunge.

And how long do you have to finish school?

[Asker]

3 years. . . I already have a BS- but going for physical therapy. . . I am paying my health and car insurance right now. my loans are suspended because I am taking classes for right now.

Yep, That is what I have been focused on is myself. . We are now in a long distant relationship because I had to leave that area to find work and get my sh@! straightened out. . . I appreciate your feedback!

[Littletad]

My god your future wife is pressing. I'm sure she means we'll, but she's obviously freaking you out. You need to tell her that she needs to bring up her subjects in a positive manner, not a cynical sorrow one.

[Asker]

Yeah boy, tell me about it. I have talked to her recently and asked that she chill out and to stop worrying so much!... and now she thinks that I am mad at her and disappointed. Which isn't the case, haha, I just am tired of being stressed out! marriage and engagement is supposed to be happy and exciting! Thanks for your answer

[Anonymous]

Talk to a financial adviser and accept that you might not be able to buy a house right away. You can't do everything. Many young couples have to put off buying a house.

I hope that she is willing to work too. In this day and age, you can't cling to the idea that you'll be the "breadwinner". The only way you guys will get a house and deal with your other expenses is for her to contribute too.

If she is not willing to accept that you'll probably be quite poor at first (this is normal for young couples) and if she is putting pressure on you about finances, then it sounds like you guys are not ready to get married.

[Asker]

Thank you, Yeah, I know, she is willing to work- she has never really worked before and is a little anxious about it. I do tell her that I can't be the sole breadwinner, and she can accept renting..she just doesn't like it. we don't have to like everything; we just have to tolerate it for a time. I agree with you. . .I am ready for the poorness; but usually when I say that we will not have a lot of money, she goes on saying that I can't settle for what's normal. Which doesn't make sense

[Opinion Owner]

You are right to want to sort this out now. Financial pressure is one of the main reasons that people divorce. It sounds like she does not realize the reality of the situation. I strongly recommend going to see a counsellor together to discuss how you guys will deal with your financial reality (work out a budget so she knows what to expect). There is pre-marriage counselling available to help people in exactly your situation. You can get it free through some churches if you are religious.