Girls, I've been told I might have depression, and it just makes me feel worse, it makes me feel more guilty and ashamed. I'm so scared, any advice?

[TryingToBeAGoodMan15]

I've been told, and I feel deep down that I might have depression, but it makes me feel worse, it makes me feel more guilty and ashamed. I've been able to hide it with a brave face up till now, but it's starting to affect daily life. Small things seem so hard. I can't tell anyone, I don't know what to say and I feel like I shouldn't be feeling like this, like I don't deserve hate myself so much. But I do and I feel hopeless and scared. Does anyone have any advice?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry that you're hurting :(

You're right, you don't deserve to hate yourself at all.

Mental illness is a really shitty thing and being depressed must feel so awful. But please don't feel you are alone. 1 in 10 people struggle with depression at some point in their lives; it's nothing to be ashamed of. You shouldn't feel guilty any more than if you were suffering from a physical illness. Your pain is real and you deserve support to feel better.

You're in the UK right? If so you can go to your GP and they will be able to offer you help, or refer you to someone else who will be able to help you. Depression can be treated. There are certain treatments like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy that you may be able to get on the NHS; you shouldn't need to worry about costs.

I know it's going to take some real bravery, but telling someone what you're going through is a really positive step and I know you can do it <3

Small things are hard - depression saps your energy, and makes you feel crappy; and it is in no way your fault. Depression also lies to you; it makes you believe you're worthless or don't deserve help. This is not your fault either, and you should never have to feel that. You won't forever, I promise.

Please hold on. Reach out for help irl. Or if that is just too much right now, there are trained active listeners you can talk to on this site: https://www.7cupsoftea.com/about/howitworks.php

You are cared about, don't give up please <3

[TryingToBeAGoodMan15]

Thank you.

It just hurts so much and I can't articulate it in words. I don't know what to say in general, to anyone, let alone going to a doctor and trying to find words like this.

I don't want to feel this much pain, and I don't want to feel this lonely, but I don't know what to say to anyone to change it.

I feel so guilty for feeling like this too. I don't even know if I am "depressed"?

[Opinion Owner]

If you go to your doctor, they will probably give you a form to fill in with statements on it and a scale where you have to mark the extent to which they describe how you feel. From that, the doctor will be able to get an idea of whether you're depressed or suffering from another kind of mental illness.

Feeling this terrible isn't something that's normal to feel, it means that you need some real help, and that is available to you.

Please don't feel like what you're going through isn't valid. If you're hurt then that is important and you need support. You are important, and you don't deserve to be coping with this all on your own

[TryingToBeAGoodMan15]

I'm sorry. I just don't think I can. I can't explain, I don't understand.

[Opinion Owner]

You don't need to say you're sorry to me. You are the priority right now, it's you who's unwell. Maybe work up to it, you might be able to at some time in the future.

For now then, try to take care of yourself. Make sure you're nice and clean, and have clean clothes and bedsheets. It's a tiny thing but it will make a difference. Try and eat some healthy food. Stay hydrated. Cry when you need to. Listen to some music that you like, or even just something calming like this: https://rainfor.me/ . Try your best to get a good 8 hours of sleep. I know it's probably the last thing you want to do, but if you can it's really good to get out in the daylight and do some exercise, even if it's only going for a walk.

Check out some of the self help tips here too: www.helpguide.org/.../dealing-with-depression.htm

You say you can't tell anyone.. do you have friends or family who you're close to? You could let them know you've been feeling down, you needn't say depressed if you aren't ready to yet. I'm sure there are people who love you and will want to help you

[TryingToBeAGoodMan15]

There's no one I could tell, no.

Aimlessly walking is one of my favourite things to do, especially at this time of year, but lately I feel so self-concious and aware of myself, that it stopped being enjoyable.

I do exercise I try and do some extensive stretching sessions twice a day, which makes me feel better for short times, but again lately I've been skipping sessions.

I play football every week, tonight, as it happens, do you think I should go? I really want to, but I don't really want to at the same time?

[Opinion Owner]

I think it would be good for you to go. Exercise releases endorphins which will help to boost your mood a little. It's hard persuading yourself to do things when you're depressed, but yes if you feel like you can the effort will be worth it I think.

I care <3 , I'm sorry you don't have anyone you can talk to irl right now :( , *hugs*

[TryingToBeAGoodMan15]

I feel more positive now, I forced myself out to play football, and I was voted man of the match!! And won a bottle of wine. When I got back I sat and watched a lecture from one of my hero's, whilst sipping, maybe one to many glasses... but it's left me feeling inspired and more positive. Just hope i wake up in the same frame of mind?

Thank you for your words and support, it's meant the world to me tonight.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh I'm so happy for you!! :) Really, I'm so glad that you feel better. And it means the world to me that I could help even a little <3

[TryingToBeAGoodMan15]

You helped a great deal. Thank you.

I'm just worried to go to sleep now, because I've felt like this before and when I wake up it's gone and I'm down again. I don't want that again.

[Opinion Owner]

I can understand that. Getting enough sleep is important though, you need it to be well <3 . Do you have things to do tomorrow? Can you plan something nice and worth getting up for in the morning?

[TryingToBeAGoodMan15]

I have several packed to do lists, that have mounting up recently as I've been struggling. This evening also inspired me to go and make some new connections and create some opportunities. I'm just really worried that when it comes to it and I wake up, my drive, ambition and intentions will be beaten by my fear and self-doubt.

[Opinion Owner]

See that's excellent, it sounds like you were really great this evening <3

It must have taken energy though, so getting your rest is good. You might not feel quite as up to things tomorrow, but that's okay. You don't need to be this energised all the time, it's alright to take things slower if you feel less up to them tomorrow. Be kind to yourself <3

Can you break down your to do lists, and decide on some achievable things you could get done tomorrow? Don't give yourself too much to do at once.

[TryingToBeAGoodMan15]

I guess I can. And I need to. Just that I work for myself and have a lot of stress related to that at the moment, that I need to get sorted ASAP. Nobody else will do it for me, if I don't feel like it, you know.

But you're right, again! And I will. It's gone 01:00am now I need to be up in 6, 7 max, hours time. So I best get my head down.

Thank you so much again, you're a very intelligent and kind human being - beautiful.

[Opinion Owner]

Thank-you <33

I really am glad to help. Come back and talk to me some more tomorrow if you'd like <3 . I hope you sleep well and still feel good in the morning. Go for 7 hours if you can - that's how much sleep you should have really <3

[complicated_soul]

Can you see a therapist?

Not telling anyone about it isn't the wise thing to do here.

You can still get rid of it.

Just dont take medicines though. I heard they make it worst. (Antidepressants)

Talk to your docotor. They might do the a test or something to see if you do have depression. Then you can ask him for solutions
Let him know you dont wanna rely on medicines.

And try to see a therapist.

I heard that not all therapists might work for you, so you will have to look for the one that does.

By that I dont mean just keep searching. Do attend one. See if that works.

Contact them before attending maybe.

Also, exercise, think positive (like daydreaming etc, always have postive scenarios.), etc

[TryingToBeAGoodMan15]

I can't afford therapists, and I wouldn't know what to say if I could, which I feel I can't go to the doctors either.

I do exercise and keep fit, it picks me up for a while but then something just drags me back down again.

Maybe I am just hopeless, I don't know

[complicated_soul]

Being hopeless is not going to help.

Sit down and write things down.

Then give it to them.

[TryingToBeAGoodMan15]

I just can't make sense of anything. I'm sorry

[complicated_soul]

Dude!

Obviously you can't make sense of anything because that's what it does to you.

Do you seriously wanna stay lame like that? Don't you have goals you wanna accomplish? A family you wanna raise? Stand on your own feet? Be happy?

Think of this as a trial or a test in life. You know how there are people out there who are homeless, who has been raped, or captured, etc? Well that's their tests and trials.

And this is yours.

If you are just gonna sit there and let this thing take over, you are being foolish.

Talk to your doctor. Simply say, "I think I have depression. I am slowly losing a piece of myself, (or something). I can't seem to do things the way I used to."

Look up some more symptoms, and add the ones that match with yours.

And then write them down and show it to someone close to you.

Be clear.

If they don't understand, don't just walk away.

If you want help, you got to put in the effort.